Boards - I'm 25 dating an 18. We've been dating for 3 years. Like you, I never really had a girlfriend. I

10 Mar 2013 3:54AM

I'm 25 dating an 18. We've been dating for 3 years. Like you, I never really had a girlfriend. I dated a few girls, crushed on a few more etc. I'm going to attempt to refrain from overanalyzing on account that you're a stranger and I don't know enough about you or this girl in question. What I do know is that you need to figure out what you want. You're 26 man. Do you want to wait a couple years for a relationship that may never materialize? I understand your feelings, but it's not wise to tie yourself up over it.

Love doesn't happen overnight. In fact, it takes a long time for love to mature. When I started dating my girlfriend, it was just a whatever kind of a thing. I just got dumped by this girl I'd been dating. We were dating for a while, but she kept the terms of our relationship ambiguous for years. I fell hard for her but I guess the feeling wasn't mutual. Then I met this girl who I had enough in common with. She was pretty immature (still is, really) and she was willing. So we started hanging out. I can tell you the way I feel about her now is a lot deeper than how I felt about her in the beginning. In fact, I didn't really like her in the beginning. I was just lonely and she was willing. But now I love her more than I've ever loved another girl. The reason I'm telling you this is because I was always a romantic. I had the picture of the perfect girl and relationship in my head and that image prevented me from putting myself out there and learning to love. You haven't let your prime dating years go by yet, but you will if you keep doing what you're doing. Just put yourself out there and date girls. You just might be surprised at what feelings develop out of it.

On the other hand, maybe what you feel towards this Canada chick is the real thing. Maybe one day the circumstances will change and you will be able to have a real relationship with her. But that's still a maybe. Don't put all your eggs in one basket man, that's just foolish. But if you really like her, make sure she knows it. Don't be ambiguous and tell her that you want her to move here (or you're willing to move there). But in the meantime, date other girls. If you fall in love, it just wasn't meant to be with Canada-girl.

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Anonymous

10 Mar 2013 4:23AM

Great advice thank you very much. I think the best decision is to just maintain a friendship with her, but date and see other chicks too. I know that is the best and most logical route.

I just find it hard even being attracted to other girls, while being so into Canada-girl. Example. I went to the grocery store about a month ago and the girl at the checkout counter immediately complimented me, and I could tell there was probably something there and I probably could of got a phone number right then... but I didn't. I thought she was cute, she was one of those kinda nerdy, but really cute girls with rectangular glasses, but Canada-girl was just so on my mind that I didn't even really think to jump at the opportunity to ask for this girls number who was being flirty with me.

Thanks a ton for the advice man. And the part about love taking time to grow was a big thing I needed to hear. If I can just put myself out there and start dating other people it will make my feelings for her not affect me emotionally nearly as much, thus less heartache... and honestly it might be the best thing for me and Canada-girl. If we both had our own relationships, and still maintained our friendship. It would say a lot I think.

Honestly, my dream result would be for this. Her and I to kind of date around with some people for a year or 2, but maintain a close friendship. Then in a year or 2 after she graduates if we both end up single at the same time, then her and I can give it a shot. I think it will have to be a long distance relationship at FIRST, which won't be much different than what we are right now -_-... but honestly I'd be willing to drop everything and move to Canada if she wanted a real relationship with me lol. She's talked about moving out to the west coast after high-school too.. so that's a possibility too. But yeah, initial "dating" with her would be long distance.

Part of the problem with my "dream result" though is that I feel like if we maintain a really strong "friend ship" with her for 1-2 years while waiting for her to be 18 and stuff... then after all that time of being FRIENDS, then it would almost become weird to be more than friends. I worry that the friend zone thing will get locked down and be the way it is forever. I'll never completely put her in the friend zone, and I don't think she will for me either, but I don't know... 1.5 years is a long time and a lot of feelings can and probably will change during that time.

Do you think it would be best to kind of lessen contact with Canada-girl and try and distance myself from her, but still keep in contact, just not as much? I feel like I would have a better chance being her boyfriend, if I wasn't one of her BEST friends. Which is what I am becoming... and I don't like it, I don't like it at all! :P lol ok I do love her friendship, but I don't want it to fuck up something better in the future.

I would be okay with kind of straying away from her over the next couple months to the point where we hardly ever talk... and kind of be that way for the year or so it's gonna take for her to be over 18... and then once she's 18 start talking to her again and see if the feelings spark back up?

Fuck man. I over-analyze everything. Thanks again for the advice.

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Anonymous

10 Mar 2013 12:00PM

Hey man,

Re-read your advice and I might of misinterpreted the ending.

You say "Don't be ambiguous and tell her that you want her to move here (or you're willing to move there)."

Just to clarify, are you saying Don't be ambiguous... and definitely TELL her that I want her to move here, or I could move there? Or are you telling me to NOT tell her that I would move there/she should move here?

FWIW, I have told her I would pickup and move there already... and I've talked to her about if she would ever move out here. Doesn't seem likely she will move to the west coast though. I'd probably have to move out there, which is cool with me.

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