I want to kill myself. I hate my life. I hate myself. I even seem to hate God at times. The problem is, I care too much about the people in my life to go through with suicide; I love my girlfriend, my friends, and my parents too much to put that sort of stress on them. Recently, a friend of mine, but more so of my friends shot and killed himself, so that's an extra reason "be strong" for the sake of everyone else.
I do own a nice rifle, and have access to several other firearms I could use to splatter my brains upon the wall. But who would find me, and how would that person feel? I just can't get over that. I've been praying to God, asking Him to kill me swiftly somehow, but I know that probably won't happen.
Why am I so despondent though? Well, I seem to have inheirited all the rejected slough from my ancestry despite the odds being dramatically against it. All the foulness from some ancestor's"deviation", shall we say, from all that is proud and couth. This causes my hatred for success.
Maybe I'll stop rambling and just do it