If she's going on this trip, then it seems like she's already made her mind that she doesn't really want to be in the relationship. I honestly can't see how they wouldn't do anything on that trip. The only thing you can do, I guess is have a very serious talk with her. Explain your concerns, ask her if she actually wants to be with you because you two shouln't be wasting each others time. Express that you'd like to make the relationship better but it would be impossible to grow stronger as a couple if she takes this trip with the guy. I have gotten together with my boyfriend who has messed up majorly a couple times, but we talked things out, he took actions to actually show me he cares and wants to be together(actions are so much more reassuring than words), and we decided to ask each other permission to hang out with people of the opposite sex, also have each other's phone locks/social media passwords and let each other look through at any time. That has been so important in building back trust because we see that there's nothing we're hiding. She's tired and distant now, and there's only so much you can do...if she doesn't want to be in the relationship and chooses to cheat then it's not worth being the relationship. The fact that you cheated before does not justify her cheating now, especially after having serious conversations and trying to set up stability and build trust.
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I agree. It seems set to be a trip to enjoy each other. My therapist believes its to live out the fantasy. No child in the way. Away from me and their normal lives. But that's not good enough for me.
I think living together is hard because we start cuddling and kissing and having sex. We fall into saying I love you again. I like your idea of having social media passwords. That and email passwords would probably help. I have gone to therapy to get my mind focused.
My question is, do you have anxiety over him cheating? I don't expect her to fully trust me quickly. And what actions did he take to show you he was serious? Thanks so much for the honest answer!
Oh my god, Man up. Take responsibility, take control. You two were living the irresponsible lifestyle of personal gratification over responsibility. Swinging, 5 years without a commitment either way. PLAYING stay at home dad? She is still banging the other guy and you are ok with it? Do you need to hit rock bottom before you wake up. Go out and get a job. Get your child into a functioning lifestyle even if it is you 2 living in a cheap apartment, you working a job that can provide basic needs food, shelter, clothing. You will find more life enjoyment and love with your child than any therapist can help you find. The childs mother is as messed up as you are. They are not the problem you are, Hell ask your Ex why your marriage ended? I bet she will tell you your selfish and do not know how to take responsibility.
First of all, I do take responsibility. Reaching out for help was the start. Figuring out what to do in my life is next. The swinging lifestyle was a very small piece of us. It basically stopped after our daughter since we are dedicated to her. Due to being let go by my job almost a year ago, I kinda fell into a depression.
I'm a good father. I take her to classes, outside to play, and cook and clean. We were never married by the way. The therapist is only there to assess the persistent issues and help me think of alternative ways of thinking.
The thing is I was okay with her being with the guy, until he told her that he had feelings for her. Then I screwed up so she was done with me. It's been slowly changing, but this trip is like the turning point for me. I don't care that she is going on a trip. I just care it's with a guy that really likes her and she has had sex with.
