OP:
Actually, I'm pretty sure I just got born because my parents wanted a kid. Once they're gone, that issue is resolved. I don't believe in any kind of predestined life, fate, and I really hope there isn't an afterlife.
Beyond that, it really isn't that easy. This is something that's been going on and off for a solid 5 years. I've tried that. I've tried being the social butterfly, the fun guy, the reliable friend. It didn't give me a sense of fulfilment, it didn't give me a sense of belonging, it didn't give me a sense of happiness. All it gave me was an empty wallet, mild alcoholism and even more social abandonment issues.
This all cumulated in the simple fact that I just don't enjoy life. I don't think it's worth the effort required to have a life anywhere near acceptable, and whilst I won't go seeking out my death actively just yet that certainly doesn't mean I'll obey every safety regulation, or generally improve my health. In the end, it's just a waiting game. A matter of 'what will come first?' with some slightly higher than average stakes.
