Anyone remember me? I do not know if why I keep getting taken down

I trade pics and texts with a few of my wife's friends behind her back. She's hot AF, not just to me, but anyone that sees her. 135lbs, 5 ft 5 in, 34 DDD Tits, big round gym ass, tight stomach, and wears thongs at the beach. 
I trade pics, videos, with a few friends of hers because they're so much hotter. She has a group of 9s and 10s as friends, she's a solid 8.5, maybe 9. She's definitely the least attractive of the group, but she's built like a porn star, and as dumb as one. I married her because she has always been a slut. She's pretty and a cum dumpster, perfect combo to me. After being together a few years it's great sex, but anything new is more exciting, which is why I pull up her friend texts, pics, and look before I fuck her. When she's had a few drinks, I've used my phone looking at them, while she's sucking my dick. 
I definitely married the school slut. By the time she graduated, she had 20 bodies under her belt, including 2 different threesomes. She's fun, but the friends are just plain hotter. To sum things up, my wife is a dumb fuck home and I use her friends pics to cum with her.

So my mother-in-law decided she wanted to visit us on Mother's Day. I come up with a plan and offer to drop her and the wife off at the nail salon. They're all excited, nails done, hair done, I get an hour and a half to go find something to do. That something turned out to be a strip club where 2 25 year old Latinas pampered me. I thought about dances from one, then I thought about dances from the other. I asked if they did a doubles and they did. I have a weakness for Latina's, and they both had huge racks, so there ya go I'm doing a doubles.

They take me in back, clothes come off, fun was had by all. LOTS of oral. Never had 2 women sucking on me before which was fucking awesome. They completely drained the life out of me. I've never blown a load that hard before (wrapped so I'm good). Pounded both because it was offered, had a 2nd pop in the other one's mouth (again wrapped). In and out in an hour. I hit up a local store for a soda and head back to the hair/nail place.

Wife looks stunning (she's a pale redhead), mother in law is all smiles. We do a late lunch, I'm 100% relaxed. Mother-in-Law is dropped off at home. I'm so relaxed I ask the wife about movie and dinner (reversed it since we just had a late lunch). She picks the movie, some rom/com thing in empty theater. I spend the first 20 minutes fingering her past a couple O's... just because. She's now horny as fuck. We tease back and forth rest of the movie. In the parking lot she tries to suck me off like a woman half her age. It's fun, I enjoyed it, but the strippers left me empty and she doesn't know that. I eventually finger her to another O, my cock still in her mouth, and claim victory with that and we go to dinner.

Nice dinner, lots of candle light and some teasing (we were in a booth). Took her out dancing after just because. She came home with new nails, new hair, freshly fucked face and a smile ear to ear. I came home totally relaxed. More fun in the bedroom, multiple positions. When I get her doggy I've got the oil out and I thought "why not?" I started gentle with a finger. She wasn't sure at first. It's been years since I tried... but she was willing and relaxed and yeah I ass fucked her hard. Balls deep in her tight ass.

That's what it took. The woman has no clue. Her and her mom got their hair and nails done. I got sucked off by 2 amazing latinas with beautiful long nails. They drained my balls twice. I was so empty my wife couldn't even suck me off as a thank you and now here I am balls deep in her ass.... it was a fucking explosion. I saw stars as my head rushed and whatever was left pumped out of me and down her crack. Talk about "Happy Mother's Day" good thing I'm fixed so who cares if it drips in her pussy or not.

I am born male.
I truly feel alone and afraid.
Mid 50's and still anytime there is interest in me I am placed in the same two boxes be it any gender or how one wishes to be seen.

Females so far lean to me being alpha/Dom or beta/sub and in all cases told I am to provide for them in all ways.

Males are kinda the same.

Trans are same except for one person who I wish did get the job and move here (it was talking about the area I live in that in time included watching tv on the phone together and as close as one can that way).
We had so much in common and she got and was fine with how being white and not around many people told her I feared messing up not knowing if I had learned any bad ways of being or thinking by years of growing up with all that goes on in the south. She laughed and said already I so kind that she assumed If I did anything it would be small and a simple goof and she would guide me as I was a keeper. If we had got together, she said she was who she wanted to be and would not change. We were open and just blunt. She was a woman with a dick that worked. I was so sweet it did not matter how when we did share our self with each other the way we did. She wanted me to be at ease and we would figure it out. She did ask me to consider all the ways we could. We talked about it. It would have worked as we both (for the pleasure of the other) wanted slow foreplay,kissing,touching,masturbation,oral,anal finger and toying and anal both ways.
She would help me get clean and said she knew how to treat her man and keep him very happy. She wanted me to let her care for me and please me in any way I ever had dreamed and new ways we found. She could hear on the phone my breath and voice sound like my heart was pounding.
We knew what we looked like and at the paper she worked at I could verify the pic she sent was her :)

With her there was no alpha/beta/Dom/sub... That was what we both found so great about what was going on with us. We would guide each other and she was upfront that she was a giving person wanting to give me pleasure and make me happy. She told me to be open as she never would be like others had I told her of....

I told her I wanted to please her too. I was a giving lover and if it was ok then at any time I may feel the urge to cuddle, hold, want to touch her and fondle her and just melt away doing that. I also did not fear just out of the blue giving oral and swallowing or sharing a kiss if that was ok. She was the same and told me we would be little bunny rabbits cuddling alot then.

She told me their would be times she would want to watch me as I gave anal and she wanted me to only do it in ways it felt the best for me and cum freely, she take care of everything. With her and how she was I told her I wanted her to do the same. Being equal and not into all the who takes from who and all that, we were free to do anything we felt be it for us or the other or together....
That is so hard to find and why I wish someone had not just change their mind and give the job to someone else... (being local I could keep up with what was going on at the paper and it seemed odd how it all went to someone who in the end got fired...
She would have been great there and in my life...

I guess the point is inside I have emotions and love not shown like males in porn and what many seem to want.
I find I am like many vids and pics of females who love each other and show it with care and much warmth but no domination or degrading for ones pleasure.

After so many years of being told my place would be this and that, She was of same soul as I am.

She had to go far west of even where she was to get the same better job. I was happy for her but still dream of what so far no one else is.....

I keep it to myself as It has been made clear from others idea of who I should be that I would be used or hurt. I wait for someone who is like her and also like her, finds interest in the same things I think of that I favor here. People have truly had hate just because I am pansexual or in short, If shown love and cared for as I dream then I can love anyone as long as they have real love for me.

I have wrote before how I respect all who respects others and truly care and their actions back that up.
I wrote how with all the harm in the world being done to others that I do not understand why so much open hate is shown to others here when that type of "play" should be between them and who wants it and not someone they do not even know....

I wrote that as it seems nothing I say is defended or supported who ever it is about and how truly nice I mean it about the pic or vid or post...
When a stranger just blocks you and you never have said a thing or they write you with hate and degrading words or attack your posts the same way it just makes someone like me so afraid and I just leave everyone alone keeping out of their way...

Please do not take this next part in a bad way. It is based on a real post and what I would think if it could be trusted.

A gay father has a son who is afraid of people like I am and seem to have been beat and so on at a young age as I did by others my age in school.

Seems they all have much in common with me so that would have been a good start.

I am over 50, the son is over 40, the father and his husband are early 60s.
The son is a full vers. ad the father is a vers top and his husband is a vers top.
They have the means and wish to find someone with much in common with their son who is very giving and they do not want taken advantage of....

The son and they talked... He is ok if the person they find becomes in bond married to him and them.
The son is not huge and that is fine with me. He has the same issue as no one is freely full vers and giving but not a sub.

His size with my help WOULD make me cum anal only. He is 3". And yes I would want to please him too and find what makes him cum from anal only.

That is just anal... All other ways above with the transgender I spoke of I think he would like too.

What the son talked about to them is if they could love that person as he did then chances are his size would not be an issue (as I said it would not for me)...

I would if real love be open to a real loving bond with all of them.
The father was a virgin when married his wife and then divorced and got the son. The only other IS his husband he is with now and they all are clean (and think of it, They would not risk their son or them self so it makes sense they wish someone who would not and has not taken risks or cheat as an option for all of them).

To have three people who care and love you and take care of you as they listed is like a family but also allows deeper connections and bonds.

In that setting, I could be as dirty as my inner desires dream.
They do not seem to do anything with the son so I assume I could be with the son or when them. The son can watch of that is what they want or what ever.
If I am in the middle and that's ok then I have no issues with what is ok with them all.

They say they and their son in private are more feminine than males and hope the other is also.

In that setting for sure of giving to each other, A few dreams I have some nights I would like to try.

One is they fondle and kiss me all over, play and suck my nipples. They slowly anal play till I am slick and ready on my own. They slowly penetrate me little bits at a time. When all is smooth they make love till they get to their edge and then swap.
I would like them to do this as long as they can and see how many times they can make me orgasm from anal only.
When we all are about given out, I want them to orgasm in me and we cuddle.

Another is I am in the middle giving anal and getting it.
Many ways that can go.
If the one giving cums then they swap.
I edge for my pleasure as they swap till I cum.

Another is before anal, we enjoy oral many times till we all have given to each other.
Then if they are still turned on by my desires, They swap one giving oral as one gives anal.
When I cum the one swallows and sucks hard as I tell the one giving anal to take me.
After they cum, swap places.

There are times it would be nice for any of them to fine me, show me their clean hole, suck me hard and tell me to take them.

If they are ok with their son and my lover being there, Then I have a special idea :)

My lover and I 69...
As we nurse on the others cock, the others give me anal swapping and we do that as long as we can as many times we can cum as we can.

It is funny I am not ever going out and doing all I dream... But I hope someone who is like minded and loves in ways as I do sees this and will do anything to care for and love me for all I am to and for them for all they do and give to me.

Well... That's all for now... If you are someone who hides and wishes for me as I am like you, Well, Keep looking here as you can find me if you will give and do anything for me. Hire a PI or what ever :)
Just be ready to prove your not like what I have run into on my own so far.... I look and try but domination is all they want to do to me or make me a slave....

It is not that I can not be sexual and be that like crazy... I just will not be ab_used ( I can not believe the bot banned the way I used that word. Soon all will be banned sadly), harmed, degraded ,placed at risk or used.

To real loving souls who would move the world for me, protect me, care for all of me, wish to make me happy and content forever..... My mind opens to much more than many. No harm or such.... But I will only say this... A woman is not the only being who can be attracted to a being whose loyal and will protect with all they are and show real love. As long as it is with love and care, So much is open to dream.....

If this draws hate, that backs what I have said. I have done nothing to anyone.

I've had more blowjobs and fuck sessions than I can count at this point with this local sissy. It started around a year and half ago after getting out of a long term relationship. I was so used to getting pussy and then it was just cut off. I did try to tindr scene a bit but it was nothing consistent and the couple of women I meet really wanted to take it slow. Curiosity got the best of me so I found this sissy on a hookup site who doesn't live too far from me. While the sissy is like 10 years older than me I still have somewhat of an attraction, mostly because of the weak skinny looking body. Anyway I'm still blowing really hard cumshots a year and half later. I usually have the sissy come to me, I do what I need to do that night and the sissy leaves. Simple and easy, no drama or losing money is involved and my balls are getting fully drained. I can fuck as hard as I need to in any position, fuck more slow and passionately, cum in the sissies mouth, blow on the face, get a slow edging and milking from the sissies hands which are unusually feminine, etc. It makes me wonder how many guys secretly use these sissies and trans and don't say a word about it. I certainly see why if its a match for both parties. In the case of this sissy it was very evident that they have done this quite often and that I would be taken care of well. I just use the sissy just like I would a woman. I'm not into the other weird shit like getting my ass rimmed, getting fucked etc. Occasionally I've sucked the sissies cock which I kind of like but I'd never do it with an actual dude. I'm strongly considering putting videos on here pounding the fuck out of the sissy and seeing what everyone thinks about it. I have noticed though that there are a lot on here who act like its super gay and against however I assure you that nearly everyone typing that this older nonpassable sissy who is still feminine would make you bust your balls off hard.

Btw saw You peeking there. Thank You and in that time You peeked there wasnt all the things I wanted to show You. Anyways if some comments are true!! And my Master just messing with my head and not just busy! Well my Lord it's okay, missing You it's not poking the pain or masochistic nature. It's more that I just wanted us to give some priorities to dynamic in all this life challenges. But that's not just on me. That's why I go crazy with invites and bothered desperate for some fun for us. Of course it's also Your choice what to nurture. More like I just want to be a place for where You come all excited and enjoy. But I keep hearing this messing with the head. And it has lost meaning for me. Messing for what, just to miss You? Lol I will always miss You and crave You it's not more intense than usual. I do like hearing You of course but because I like Your company and like I said a partner in crime lol. For sure don't know why You not saying anything.. but it's I do hope You enjoyed and that between all Your intense or whatever is in Your head. Taat You also want things that I want.. I mean You said You would rather have fun.. so.. yeah.. they are coming in few hours. Wish me luck ;p .. to stay normal 
p.s. if it's to make me mad for promising to text me and still haven't.. well.. that's not good. But I will not over react. It's Yours to decide. I am all in and that is willing and You refusing it, by how others present it. No thats not mind fuck. It can just bring the closed mind for exploring. Whyy do other man's have trouble figuring that out?!? 

i enjoy sucking so why not

I enjoy these boards, since, here and there, you can run into some interesting confessions. So I thought about sharing mine, it isn't anything special, but it was an awkward episode, in somewhat uninteresting sex life I've had.

In my early 20s, I had this gf, who kept herself for marriage. I was 23, she was 21, and I was very persistent in the idea of breaking this vow.

It didn't go as planned. We would kiss, and grind, and grope each other, and I would get her so turned on, that many times I thought - this is it, she will give in, but no. And this continued for quite some time, five or six months, and I was blue balled every single day. Why did I stay with her? Well, she was so pretty, that the sole fact of being seen in public with such a woman, was a huge self esteem boost for me, I enjoyed the envy I felt from other men - they didn't know I wasn't doing anything.

After said period, she did start to crack a little, but that crack turned into handjob/pussy rubbing, still with her clothes on. It took me some time, but we got to do it naked, and it evolved into giving each other oral.

I was always looking for the next step, since every time we did something new, at first, she was very tight and reserved, but after few times, she would learn to enjoy it, and oh man, enjoy she did.

Towards the end, we got to the stage of dressing up, role playing, face fucking, mutual ass licking, everything but...

I tried to go for it, many, many times, but she would say no every single one of them, and she would even get mad at me.

In the end, she broke up with me, since it became obvious that I am not gonna marry her, at least not yet. She met an older guy, in his 30s, and married him within a year.

I have never been, even close to dating someone that beautiful. I sometimes ask myself, what if...

I cheated on my wife, for the first time, after almost 20 years of marriage.

I thought about it for quite some time, but never had the guts. Our sex life has been horrid for almost a decade, so I had my fair share of patience. Finally, when an opportunity presented itself, my body just acted.

I cheated on her with my colleague, one might say, a "work wife". She is a lovely woman, few years younger than me, yet still beautiful, with a very nice appearance. I caught her signals before, she has always been the flirty one, and even though it did wonders for my confidence, I read that as a game ,a joke, nothing more.

As these things often tend to be, it turned out as a total cliche - a seminar, out of town. We had our separate rooms, but ended up in hers. She is really into me, because, she kissed me, and licked me in the places my wife hasn't touched for ages. She was so wet, once I got inside, and she came so fast, and so loud, that I was just overwhelmed by all of this. When I pulled out, and slapped her other hole with my head, she reached back with her hands, to spread herself, and invite me in. My wife would never do this for me, so I didn't last long. When I pulled out, ready to explode, she turned around and offered me her tits, and I am not joking, I came like a horse.

I felt great deal of remorse, afterwards, told her that this was a mistake. She was ok with it, but soon as I got back home, my wife reminded me why I did this in the first place.

So I will do it again, and again. And if she will have me, I will leave my wife for good.

Have I done something my Lord? Or just busy to allow me to tell You all my naughty thoughts and things that happened after that night You were around. I mean I can tell my Master is intense.. but if I was bad then I get why I am not allowed to share and tell to my Master or ask for a touch or a bite? Was I? And not allowed to be my Master's little cum toy? Or ask for some messy naughty things?
I did explained all to my Master, where we speak usually...

I am married for a long time, and one thing my wife never was willing to try with me, is anal. Believe me, I tried everything, no chance.

I have quenched my thirst for this with hookers, but it wasn't as pleasing as I expected it to be. Porn didn't help, it just deepened my obsession with this. So, three years ago, I became a sugar daddy to a 22 year old brunette, I found online. Quite stunning in person, we soon got into a rhythm. It was everything at first, but after a while, as our bond got stronger, I was all about just that business. We would see each other once, rarely twice a month, I would take her shopping, take her out to dinner, and then go raw in her ass at my hotel room. Why am I not afraid to get caught? Well, she lives in a nearby town, close enough to travel to by car, far enough to justify me spending the night, when on a "business trip".

Last few times we met, she started talking how she met someone, and that it might be serious. I think she will end the our deal very soon. Well, I will try to use as much as I can, while I still can.