Your feelings are totally natural. You are turned on by being taken roughly and treated as a piece of meat to be used. On the other hand, you have been conditioned by society to think that it is disgusting to be treated this way. The only thing "disgusting" in this story, to me, is the fact that you cheated on your fiancée. Have you spoken to your fiancée about wanting to be taken in such a way? Now that you know it turns you on, maybe you can work on that with him. It doesn't mean you need to be submissive in your career or with anyone else but, if you think your fiancée is "the one" then it would be beneficial to speak to him about it. I am not sure if I would tell him about you blowing your colleague. That is something you have to decide. Is he the kind of guy that would forgive you? Or is he the kind of guy that would leave you immediately? I have some pretty weird kinks myself. I was afraid to tell me GF (now wife) about them. One night we were talking on the phone (I work away from home) and the subject of kinky sex came up. She told me a few of hers and I was hesitant to tell her mine but eventually she dragged it out of me. Sometimes talking really is the best solution. You never know what is going on in his mind. I hope things work out for you both and you two have a happy & fulfilling life together.
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