OP here. I am going to bring up marriage counseling again. I've given hints that I'm unhappy but he just laughs it off. I initiate almost all our sexual encounters. Once a month ago when he came back from a business trip he initiated, and once 2 years ago he initiated randomly. Other than that, it's been me. Most of the time I'm rejected. It has gotten better now that he loves his new job (went from once a month to once every few weeks or 10 days or so).
Last time I went down on him, his hands were on my arms rubbing up and down, then I guided one hand to my head and he started to push me down gently. Next time I'll encourage him to be a little rougher.
I've tried leaving him sexy notes, asking him his fantasies, asking him what he wants. He knows I take care of myself.. a lot. He knows I have a box of toys. One time before we were married he fucked me with one. Now I think they intimidate him.
Lately I've been fantasizing about my friends x-husband. Those two were the ones in the threesome I mentioned. Very drunken night, just the three of us. He started out touching my breasts on the couch while the three of us were watching a movie. He left the room, and she said 'He wants you. It's ok.' I remember we both had taken our bras off earlier because it was getting late and we were uncomfortable..so he had easy access. I was so drunk I remember thinking "I think he's touching me.. he wouldn't do that.. his wife is right there! This is so hot.. it's not really happening..."
Next thing I remember, we are in their bed, she is massaging my tits while he is going down on me then fucking me with one of her toys. Then he fucked her while I watched and he played with me. She didn't want him to penetrate me. The next night.. I had one beer and felt more drunk than I did the previous night. Weak. Everything was blurry. He took me to their bed, I couldn't hardly move he carried me. He took off my pants, his boxers, laid next to me.. he fucked me slowly while his wife slept next to me. When he was done, he apologized. I tried to find my panties but every time I moved I would lose my breath. He put them back on me. He was big, it hurt. I still have his number, and I am no longer friends with her. Sometimes I want to text him when my husbands out of town. I had a little crush on him before I met my husband, and that night has been the fuel of many fantasies since.
Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much about others and took care of myself and my needs for once. A lesson that needs to be learned.
