So you're afraid that your parents are going to find out that you want to help people? I don't understand why you need to push women away to help people. You're going to be a social worker, not Superman. Unless there's a big part you're leaving out, I don't understand the problem. And you decided to do all this because a girl in your HS whom you barely remember committed suicide?
Without a clearer motive, it sounds like you're assuming a new and "ideal" identity in order to hide something else. I'm sorry you suffer depression but there is more here. If I'm wrong, please explain your reasoning and motivation.
