I am a frequent reader of the boards, and some of them made me want to write something down.
My first bf broke me.
I was young, naive in many ways, and he was so handsome, older than me, I was graduating hs, while he was two years older, and so charismatic and persuasive.
I lost my anal virginity, two days after I lost my vaginal. He made me believe, that swallowing cum after every coitus is a normal thing, that "helping out" his friends is nothing special, etc.
It started as, "John never had a gf in his life, give him handy, while I pop to the market, he will be grateful", or "Give Mike a bj, his gf just left him, cheer him up".
I was doing it, and in retrospect, I was an idiot, but I loved him. Soon enough, I started sleeping with them, when he nudged me. After one night out, all six of them, fucked me, and at that point I realized that this thing must be wrong.
Time to go to college was close, so I ended our relationship, and in those two weeks, before I left, many bad things were spoken about me, behind my back.
I never moved back, got married to the next guy I met at college. Compared to my previous experience, he was so vanilla, that I almost felt sorry for him. He did ask me how many bf's I had before him, and I answered truthfully - just one.
My confession is, and the reason why I am here - in retrospect, it was the best sex of my life, and I yearn for those days of being just a sex object. I would never do it again, I just couldn't, but the thought of it, the fantasy of such thing happening again, drives me wild.
