Well you are only 18. That confidence will come. As you gain more experience. As you explore that body's potential. You are definitely sexier than you give yourself credit for.
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I sometimes think about doing my first time with an older guy like 30yo. Well you're 40+ and look to be a good guy so maybe 40yo but older would be strange for me...
Well I think about an older guy with more experience to avoid those queasy feelings when you don't know what to do..how to do it..etc..
An older boy could drive me and share me his experience without judge me and he would have nothing to proove. Am I right ?

So didn't dare to cross that line with either of your prior boyfriends? And yes you are right, that first time (or really those first few times) is always going to come with its inevitable awkwardnesses, no matter who that lucky guy may be. Someone your some age, who is probably just as unsure about themselves, which could certainly add to your own lack of confidence. Or a man who may have a few (or more) years on you. But who is experienced enough not to rush. Not to fumble about. Who wants to take that time. To savor every inch of your curvy young body. Who wants you to discovery every drop of the possibilities waiting to be unlocked.

At a minimum, I will admit it is a turn on, knowing that the idea is dancing around in your wicked imagination. That you can't help but let your mind wander. Feeling your arousal growing in turn. That your body can't help but be... tempted.
You are a good talker... one more reason I like older men. You know how to speak to girls, especially young girls I guess :). Reading your comments I feel secure...and a bit excited.... You know how to penetrate my dreams.. :)
Have you ever had experiences like that with a young girl like me ?
Well I will say that too many guys of all ages don't appreciate what a powerful sexual organ the mind is. That if you can tempt a girl's imagination, you can almost surely tempt her flesh. And definitely enjoying seeing you own your sexuality a bit. From your choice of words we both know we're selected in hopes that would engorge my fantasies. And my cock. To daring to bare more of your body. Wanting me to see the body you are beginning to let yourself freely imagine giving to me. To use my experience (including with young women) to push your limits.
I am definitely excited.... I am trying to make your words real and feel them on my body... I don't know how you do that but I feel I am a bad girl wanting more of that...
Well that is one of the things I would want to help teach you. To help guide you. To finding your own words. To expressing your own hidden fantasies. Can be as simple as taking the comfort you have found onlineand translating it into the real world. Not just typing I am a bad girl wanting more. But saying those words out loud. Feeling them drip from your lips. Rush over your body. Ring in your ears. Can you imagine standing in front of me. Knowing I won't let you show me more of your young body until you verbalize your boiling need.
Understood :). I admit it just a bit weird as my father is 43 so you could be him...:)
So I joined you at your place...because I wanna let you teach me a lot of things. I am in front of you wearing my favorite red clothes... I feel a bit stressed but horny too... I don't know which feeling is the strongest....

Well I think about an older guy with more experience to avoid those queasy feelings when you don't know what to do..how to do it..etc..
An older boy could drive me and share me his experience without judge me and he would have nothing to proove. Am I right ?
Try it, you'll have the time of your life.
I (53) had a short fling last year with a girl, admittedly a bit older that you (28) with a body looking almost like you, and she thanked me for being there for her, she took a lot from this, i guess you can call it relationship, and me too.
We did things together she never even dreamed of, and she felt protected and i enjoyed her youth and her enthusiasm, so both got something out of it.
An older guy would take care of you, this is how we are wired, and would read you and bring you where you want to be before you even know it yourself.
My wife satisfies me 100%, and we have a very happy marriage and an amazing sex life, but she knows when i have to work far from home for a long while I'll find someone to have fun with, which she does as well, so we're good, but what i took from this girl my wife can only give me through surrogates, girls that she picks up, since she's the same age as i am and we know each other for 36 years already, so surprising one another is REALLY difficult :)
Go for it, if and when you find the right guy.