This is my first post, even though I have been visiting this place for over a decade.
I am a woman in my 40's, never been married, and by the look of it, never will be. I was an ugly duckling, men had zero interest in me, so that left a big scar on my self esteem. I tried working on myself, you know, like all the self help books tell you to, and the gym, and all the running, made impact on my body, but I was still a girl no one desired.
Lost my virginity at 24, and after many fantasies, and lonely nights, in which I imagined how it will be, it was underwhelming. So I started seeking satisfaction, whenever I could, but being a shy person, that wasn't easy.
At the end of my 20's, I hooked up with a much older man, he was in his late 50's, and I finally found physical satisfaction. He was a skilled lover, a bit perverse, and he introduced me to swinging.
I can't begin to explain, how awful this was at first, but since I was so hungry for any kind of affection, validation, I gave it a try. Everything with him was about sex, and I am pretty sure that any other woman would hit the brakes, but not me, the loneliness still burned a hole in my heart, and I never wanted to feel lonely again.
He is out of my life for years now, but I am still visiting parties, alone, everyone knows me in the circle. From wile and disgusting, this became something I cherish, and enjoy.
I did everything I could, so it would not be interesting to write that up, but, for instance, last time I was there, six guys fucked me, in a row, and all of them finished on my face, along with a few bystanders, not brave enough to actually join the act. I loved it, since at these moments, my face is beautiful, it must be, since they all wanted it, in such sexual way.
I did everything I could, but I still feel unsatisfied. Not sexually, I think I orgasm more frequently, than most women out there, since my life revolves around sex, but I feel this hole in my chest, that just keeps getting larger.
Sex is not a substitute for happiness.
