My wife thinks I impotent..I made out to her I am too. I love and adore my wife and our life and family and everything she does for me.. but we don’t have sex. And I don’t wanna have sex with her either.i just don’t fancy or want her that way anymore..it’s been about 3 yrs now.. we don’t even try no more but it’s me that doesn’t respond to her.. I don’t get hard for her at all. But I do for porn which is all I got right now..but I just make out I am impotent. I been to docs etc neurology there is no treatment etc cause I been through this so she understands my pretence problem...2 yrs ago I met an old girlfriend and I fucked her all afternoon.. felt really guilty but I needed that to prove something to myself..I don’t go far and I don’t meet women on the side.. although I wish I could. I need sex.. I do love my mrs and I don’t want to split or be without her as she is amazing .. but I so need to fuck a woman like I used to ? I dun wanna hurt anyone or lose what I got..what to do ? I see gorgeous looking girls everywhere who look sexy ..I wish I saw my mrs that way..since we married years ago she piled the weight on and looks ugly physically. I don’t wanna sound cruel.. what do I do? Please feel free to comment..

I confess that I used to be Mr. Nice Guy. I had a trove of women as friends and even a few relationships. Yet, I learned pretty quickly that being nice is not what majority of women want. Majority of women want Mr. Treat Me Like Complete Shit. So, I changed just like that. I went overnight from Mr. Nice Guy to Mr. Treat Me Like Shit and you know something? I love the new change. I get MORE PUSSY that I ever DREAMED of. Left and right, my cock is actually sore at times because of overuse. Actually, I almost can't keep enough cum going because my balls are a tad painful. It goes away if I stop fucking for a day but once I'm nailing two or three chicks a day I'm passing out from exhaustion. Satisfying a chick is hard work and takes a lot of energy!

I've lost weight because I've been fucking so much. I dropped at least 30lbs.

So, now I treat women like garbage. For example:
- I don't pay for ANYTHING. I don't buy them shit.
- I make one of them pay part of my rent.
- I make another pay the other half.
- I fuck them whenever, where ever.
- I actually call a couple "My Little Cum Dumpster"
- I don't spent time on the phone with them, 2 minutes is my max, and I don't give a fuck what they are saying.
- I don't really listen to their sob stories about this or that.

...honestly, I just don't give a fuck anymore. Women are such whores who spread their legs for anyone and anything.

One other tip: I don't have any male friends or best friends anymore. I found that I couldn't trust these guys to be loyal to the bro code. They all try to fuck my girlfriends in one way or another. Well, the shoe is on the other foot because these guys that have girlfriends and one is married better watch the fuck out. I'm coming out there, guns blazing, ready to fuck their girlfriends and wives... because that is what an asshole would do.

I'm sick of being in the "friend" zone and not getting ANY pussy. Women don't respect you and want to fuck you if you're "nice".

They all are whores and want to be treated like such.

So... that is what I will do. Fuck Mr. Nice Guy.

When I was 25 I found out my brother in law had been doing things with guys off and on since he was 10. I found out he had done it in the Air Force as well. When he had moved home and he and his wife and kids lived near me and my wife( his sister)I got him talking about what he had done with guys and asked what it was like and all those questions that were interesting to me. He answered all my questions and wanted to know if I ever tried it and I told him no which was true. Then he asked why all the interest then in what he had done with guys. Said I had always heard about guys doing it but never knew anyone I could ask about it. He told me several guys I knew did things with guys which kind of shocked me when I heard who they were. Later his wife asked him to go to the store for a few things and he asked if I wanted to tag along. We left his house in a camping van they owned. He turned down this road I knew was not the way to the store and in a vacant area he stopped the van and said he wanted to show me something. He got in the back of the van and unlocked this cabinet and pulled out some magazines and pages from mags he had pulled out I guess. He handed me one of the mags and it was 2 men feeling and sucking and fucking. The others were kind of the same but one was men with young boys. He asked me if I remembered Mr Huff and I said I did. He told me that Mr Huff had started doing things with him when he was 10. He then found out that the man was doing things with other boys and he started doing things with them too at Mr Huffs house. I asked him if he was into little boys and he said no that the pics and articles reminded him of doing things as kid. He then pulled out his laptop and started showing me pics of him naked along with guys I knew very well all naked sucking fu*king and jacking eachother. I have to admit this did kind of turn me on knowing these other married guys I had known all my life were doing this. When I looked up from the computer my brother in law was naked standing next to me with a hard on. He said try feeling it and see if you like it. I reached up took his cock in my hand and felt it. He pushed forward till his cock was by my face and said do it you know you want to. I sat there and he took his cock pushed it against my face and then my mouth and I just opened my mouth and sucked it. He kept fucking my face. he kept saying things like he bet his sister would shit if she knew her husband was sucking her brother off. he grabbed my head and shoved in deep and shot off. That took me off guard and I choked and gagged. he then undressed me and sucked me off too. We got dressed went to the store and on the way home he stopped again got naked told me to get naked and I did and he said he just had to try my ass and he fucked me till he came in my ass then I fucked him. He introduced me to the other guys I know and they were all shocked I was doing it too and most of them had been with the man and other boys as we grew up as kids I just never knew it.

A confession? Sure. I am near death but still healthy. I have cancer and it is terminal. I have 4 main confessions for you. One at a time though. Just to gauge interest.
I'm not a typical person, I suppose. For one, I am very tall at 6'5". I am Native American, Cree to be precise. I got married young but like my dad, I'm a flirt. And like my dad, I will be gone too early. Same disease, different types. I weighed about 260 lbs at this juncture. Facebook was relatively new and of course we added it to our tools of communication. Family from long distance, the kids, old friends from school. It is a handy tool.
Like I said, our children were in our contacts. My second oldest had graduated and was killing time till secondary schooling. I was still working at the time and only seen the kids around suppertime.
My presence on FB was a funny one I guess. I posted my thoughts and people thought they were funny. I also posted music from YouTube, songs of my youth mostly. I was quite amused to hear that my daughter (18) and her friends read my posts and listened to my posted music. I was very surprised when one of daughters friends contacted me on messenger.
It was innocent at first, I like to believe. She was big into music as was I. Emm was a beautiful girl. Came from a good family. I didn;t know her parents but I knew of them. If this story has any interest I have a few pics I can share. Tasteful but nude.
One evening I posted some Simon and Garfunkel. Soon enough Emm slid into my messenger. "Would you be my Mr. Robinson?" I lolled back at her. For I was taken aback. Then she sent me a picture of her at that moment. I was floored. She had the most fantastic body. Albeit a little skinny, you could tell she would be an absolutely beautiful woman. We exchanged more messages and she sent me more pictures. It all culminated at a football game. It was planned.
It was at her home.Her parents were at the game too.
As I stepped in she pressed herself against me. It flowed so natural and easy. She was a virgin but knew what she wanted. Or thought she wanted. I ate her for the first 30 minutes. She came twice. She tried to take me in her mouth. It was a fine try. We hugged and kissed, I placed her on top of me. Hands roaming, feeling that body, she's practically writhing on me. Her knees come to my sides and I feel her moist heat on my crotch. My cock jerks in anticipation. She brings her arms in, underneath her body, on my chest. Her butt rises. I place my cock at her entrance. She bares down, mewling and moaning. Such a sexy sound. I break through. We stop and kiss. I hold her head and look into her eyes. I push in more. That face. So lustful.
Despite the head I cum pretty quick. But she is not disappointed. We got together 4 more times after that before she left for Uni. We still talk every now and again. She still loves my posts. She has a new guy. Roughly the same age as me and he seems pretty cool. No hate, only good memories.
Pics if requested.

So all this nonstop media coverage of all these people coming forward about sexual harassment, etc, along with being the Christmas season, reminded me of when I was "sexually harassed" by my first boss at my first job out of college. I apologize in advance since this will probably be a long story, but I like to always be as complete as possible when I tell about something that happened to me. Feel free to bug out now if you don't want to read it.

At the time, I was a cocky, full of myself, 22 year old guy and a recent graduate. I landed a good entry level analyst job making what seemed like insane money to me at the time (kind of ironic 20 years later that I thought it was a lot of money). My boss was a married female, in her late 30's, & a mother of two. She seemed so mature and experienced in work and life. I wouldn't say she was hot, but she was attractive and always dressed impeccably.

As I got to know her, I learned that she married her college boyfriend within 3 months of graduating and had her 2 kids by the time she was 25. The "harassment" started with her always telling me that I should make sure not to make the same mistake she did and to live my life a little before settling down. That a person's 20's are meant to be spent fucking as many people as possible and partying like crazy, not raising a family. When my college girlfriend and I broke up about 6 months after I started working there, my boss looked overjoyed and told me "now that you wised up, it's time you started living life. you should go out this weekend and fuck some random girl." Being that I was a very flirtatious, social, and a pretty good looking guy, I actually ended up doing just that. Monday morning she called me into her office and asked how my weekend was. I gave a standard mundane, "it was fine" answer and she said, "bullshit, let me hear it. did you get laid or not?". When I probably turned bright red and was being coy, she said, "ha, I knew it. a good looking young stud like yourself would have no problems getting laid. now tell me all about it",

This sort of minor banter would continue for a while, her always asking me about my conquests and making sure I wasn't falling into the same settling down trap she did. Then she stepped it up a bit and with some of my stories of my exploits with girls she told me she wished she had known me when she was young and how she would have been all over me, but now she's just a "old lady" that nobody finds attractive anymore. "Day Old Bread" is what she would always refer to herself as. I'm sure she was fishing for me to say I thought she was attractive or whatever. She told me how she basically had no sex life anymore. That 99% of the sex in her life consisted of a warm bubble bath, soft music, burning candles, and masturbating to the thoughts of the young guys that she wished she had fucked. She told me that she went to college a virgin, met her now husband at a party the first weekend, and had stayed 100% faithful their entire time together. Yup, she had only been with one guy her entire life. Even with suspecting her husband had strayed plenty, she still never did. "More regrets in life" she would tell me. For my birthday she gave me a present. She said open it when I get home. So I waited and that evening I opened it up. It was a DVD copy of The Graduate and with it a card that she signed "Laura. aka "Mrs. Robinson"" with a smiley face and a heart next to it.

Time continued to go by with much of the same types of conversations, but nothing more. I had been at the job for about a year and a half and for my continuing career growth had decided it was time to move on from the entry level position. I accepted a new job at a different company and gave my notice the first week of December. I was starting the new job the day after New Years and agreed to stay on at my old job for 3 weeks leading up to the vacation I had already planned for Christmas week. Laura said she was disappointed to see me go, but knew I had outgrown the entry level role and she had no opportunity to offer me a higher level job. And even though it was technically going to be held after my last official day, she said I better still get my "cute little ass" to the company Christmas party. I told her I would absolutely be there.

I went to the party which was being held at a hotel ballroom near our office. Was a pretty sweet affair with great food and open bar and a well known band from the local bar scene. The owner of our company definitely didn't seem to skimp on this annual party. Everyone was invited to bring their significant others, though I went solo since I wasn't dating anyone seriously. I finally after a year and a half met my boss's husband and all I could think was what a douchebag he seemed like. Just gave off a slimy, sales guy vibe. I overheard his conversation with one of the other younger analyst girls on my team, Sarah, and he was blatantly hitting on her with his wife within earshot. I totally now understood why Laura assumed he had been cheating on her for years since it seemed obvious to me that he would have no issues doing so and seemingly not caring if she knew. Laura was feeling good with some cocktails in her by the time we got to talking. I will admit, done up in a formal dress, full make-up and hair, she actually looked really good and the dress was very flattering to her figure versus the normal business suits she would wear in the office. She made a point of repeatedly saying she was surprised I didn't bring a date, but glad I didn't so my attention wasn't occupied with someone else being this could be one of the last times we saw each other. Then she started joking and saying was I going to "make a run at a going away fuck with Sarah" now that you didn't work together anymore. Her and I talked about Sarah a few times over the previous year and I said I lived by the "don't shit where you eat" mantra. I laughed and said, "No, I don't think so. Looks like she is occupied." nodding in the direction of her own husband still flirting with the much younger girl. She let out a sigh and mumbled under her breath, "what an asshole."

The night went on and plenty more drinks flowed. I went over to Laura to tell her I was getting ready to head out as I had an early morning the next day. She right away blurted out, "oh I forgot, I have a going away present for you out in my car. Come with me.". We went out to the parking lot and walked to her car. As she walked up to the back door of the car with me following behind her admiring her MILF ass, she quickly spun around and just grabbed my cock with one hand and pulled my head into her with the other and planted a huge kiss on me. I just went with it and started kissing her back. She stopped and said that she had wanted to do that for a year and a half and judging from the growing bulge in my pants I didn't mind it. It was a dark parking lot, but clearly if someone walked near us we would have been in plain view, but Laura clearly didn't care...thank you alcohol! I said what else had she wanted to do, and she just gave a look of pure lust and dropped to her knees without saying a word, unbuckled my belt and pants, which fell to the ground. She pulled my boxers down, unleashing my now fully hard cock and began to perform an expert level blow job on me. For having only been with one guy her whole life, she could suck a cock like a pro! After about 2 minutes of getting head from her, I pulled her up, kissed her and spun her around so her hands were planted on the door frame of her car at the roof and her body slightly bent at the waist with her ass pushed out towards me. I lift her dress up around her waist, dropped to a squatting position and proceeded to eat her pussy and asshole with a wild abandon. She was so wet and tasted amazing. To this day I still remember vividly the taste and no girl since has tasted as sweet. She started moaning and moving her hips like crazy as I was grinding my face into her ass and when she said "holy fuck, that feels amazing" I took it as my queue to rise up and slide my cock into her pussy. I slipped right in and began pounding her hard as I could with her bucking back against me in unison. I could already feel my load building up and I knew I wouldn't last long. She started moaning that she was cumming and that is all it took as I unleashed rope after rope of my hot sticky cum deep inside her pussy. Her legs sort of buckled and I caught her with my arm and held her from behind close to my body. We stayed like that for a short minute to catch our breaths. Then I let go and reach down to pull her dress back down and my boxers and pants back up. She turned and kissed me again and then kind of adjusted her dress back into the proper placement. She just looked at me and said "Thanks for everything you did for me the last year and a half and in particular the last 10 minutes...you've changed my life." All I could muster to say was "No problem. It was my pleasure." And she walked back towards the party and me to my car.

We stayed in casual contact over email and in recent years over social media and I have used her multiple times for glowing references with each new job I have taken over the years. Whether sadly or not, I saw that her husband passed away a while back and she did remarry. For her sake I hope she finally lived a little in between those events. We ran into each other a few times over the years as well but no reliving of that night or anything. It was a total one shot deal never to be spoken about again between us.

So that was my workplace "sexual harassment" story. I never complained to HR or anything else, well because, I am not a pussy, candyassed, snowflake like most people are today. But I guess I can join all the people out there that starve and crave for attention and say.....

#metoo

The second time I ever visited a gloryhole/theater I saw one of my teachers. I was 18 and a senior in high school about to graduate in 2 months or so. I’ll tell you the full story.

My friend David and I went on a wild night the weekend I turned 18 years old. He turned 18 a few weeks prior. We wanted to hit every porn store and ever strip club in the area. We lived in Tampa Florida and all the porn stores were in an industrial park called drew park. We went to two of them and just looked around. On the third one we got a little more daring than just looking at the videos. There was a sign that said arcade. We saw similar signs at other porn stores. This time we both went back there. There were a row of booths all numbered. I went into the booth 7 he went into a booth toward the front I guess booth 1. We both walked in and shit the door. We booth slipped a dollar in the machine. Porn starts playing. I start to look around the booth and there was a hole in the booth to another booth. I looked in the booth and there was a guy playing with his cock. As I’m looking at his cock I realize this is a gloryhole. Before I could think he stuck his cock through the hole. I reached out and started to play with his cock. I started to jerk him off. He came all over my hand.

The booth turned off and David and I exited our respective booths. I liked I. His booth as I walked by it and there was no hole. I just picked the lucky booth. After that we left and went to a nearby strip club called mons Venus.

After that night I couldn’t get that gloryhole out of my head. I’m not gay but I’m not straight either. A week went by. I was thinking about going back to the theater the following Friday. I blew off my friends and plan to head up there about 9pm after I got off work at the mall.

I did just that I walked into the bookstore. I went up to the clerk and got some change. As I was getting change I looked around the store and out of the corner of my eye I see one of my high school teachers. This guy is about 50 or so. Married to another teacher at my high school. He was looking at movies. He turned around and saw me. He didn’t say a word. I got my change and headed back to the booths. I picked my same booth number 7 and put some money in the machine. I looked through the hole and no one was there. I waited a few mins and I hear the door open and shut. I give it a min and look through the hole again. I recognize the pants. It was my teacher mr bell. I couldn’t take my eyes away. I kinda wanted to see what he was gonna do. He put money in the machine and then he started to unzip his pants. He pulled out his cock and began to stroke it. I couldn’t leave the hole I was stunned. He got it hard it was about 7” or so. As I’m looking through the hole he turns his body toward the hole and approaches the hole with his cock. He slides it through. His full cock is now on my side of the booth all 7”. I couldn’t help myself so I reached out and started to stroke his cock. As I moved up and down I thought about what it was like to suck a cock. I stuck out my tongue and licked the head. That wasn’t so bad I kicked some more. Next thing you know the whole cock is in my mouth. I am sucking him for a few mins and my movie clicks off and so does his. He bends down to the hole and says “meet me in booth 11”. He pulls his pants up and leaves.

I’m thinking he knows it’s me. My mouth has already been on his cock what would be the difference. I walk out of my booth and over to the booth 11. The door is shut. I reached out and it is unlocked. I open the door and there is my history teach mr bell. The room is bigger than the others. It is built for two people. Instead of one seat it has a bench. He motions me to come in then tells me to lock it. I comply. He unbuttons his pants letting them fall to the floor then his boxers. He steps out of them. He is now naked from the waist down. He walks back up to me puts his hand on my shoulder and pushes down. I get the hint bens down open my mouth then he inserts his cock. I start sucking then he starts to thrust his cock in and out of my mouth. He does this for a good 5 mins.

He then pulls me up and starts to unbutton my pants. They hit the floor then my boxers. I step out of them. I am now naked waist down with a raging hardon. He positions himself so that he is behind me and the bench is in front of my and I can see the tv that was playing lesbian porn. He starts rubbing his cock between my cheeks. It felt nice. He goes to his pants on the floor and pulls out a tub. He squirts some stuff in his fingers and rubs it on the head of his cock. Then he squirts some more and rubs it onto my asshole. I now knew what he wanted. He wanted my virgin ass. He bent me over a little I put my hand on the bench and arched my back giving him better access and a backstage pass to my pink teen asshole. He put the head of his cock to my hole and slowly slide his cock in. Hair hurt are first but I got use to it. He took his time pulling out an inch and sliding in 2 pull out then in. My hole loosened up enough that it accepted all his 7 inches. He started fucking my ass faster and faster. He developed a good rhythm. I started to enjoy his cock in my ass and started to push back on his cock. He fucked me for about 15 mins until he started going really fast and then he gave one last deep trust all the way to his balls and just held it there. At that moment I knew he came in me. He stayed there a few minutes catching his breath. Then he pulled out. Cum flowed out of my ass and into the floor. He handed me a paper towel then my clothes. We both got dressed and left.

The next week in school he asked if I had any big plans this weekend. I joking told him that I would be going to the same place I was last Friday. He got the hint and I meant him again that Friday. I met him almost every Friday for two years and he took care of my hole. A few times we went into booth 7 together. While he was fucking my ass I was sucking cock through the hole.

That was The only time I met someone at the bookstore I knew. Sorry the story was so long. I figured it was worth the back story.

A dog Named 'Sex'

When people buy a dog, they usually name him something like Rover or Bowser. Well I chose to name my dog "Sex". But lately Sex has been a little embarrassing to me.

I remember one day I took Sex to City Hall to get a license for him. I went up to the clerk and said "I would like to have a license for Sex". He said he would like to have one too. I said "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old". He said I must have been quite a kid.

Last year they were auditioning dogs for a commercial on dog food. I took Sex to the studio to see if he would get the part. But suddenly Sex started to run off around the studio. I went after him, but the crew manager grabbed my arm and asked what I was doing here. I told him I was hoping to have Sex on TV. He called me a showoff.

One day Sex ran out on me in the middle of the night. I went around the neighborhood looking for him. A cop came and asked what I was doing. I told him I was looking for Sex. My case comes up this Friday...

================

Baked Beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved then. but he always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to them. Then, one day, he met a girl and fell in love with her. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she is a sweet and gentle girl and will never go for this kind of carrying on. So, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up the beans. The were married thereafter. Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work and since they lived in the country, he called her and told her that he would be late getting home because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the odour of freshly baked beans was overwhelming. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured that he would work off any effects before reaching home, so he stopped at the cafe. Before leaving, he had eaten three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, he put-putted and after arriving, felt reasonably sure that he had putted his last. His wife seemed somewhat agitated and excited to see him and exclaimed: Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner

tonight. She then blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. He seated himself and just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him vow that he would not touch the blindfold until she returned. Then she went to answer the phone. Seizing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He took the napkin from his lap and vigorously fanned the air around him.

Things had just about returned to normal, when he felt the urge come on again, so he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a true prize winner. While keeping his ear on the phone, he went on like this for 10 minutes, until he knew the phone farewell indicated the end of his freedom. He placed the napkin in his lap and folded his hands on top of it and smiling contently to himself was the perfect picture on innocence. When his wife returned she asked if he had peeked and he said no. At that point, she removed the blindfold

and revealed his surprise.

Twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a birthday party for him.

====================================

Gold dig

In a mining district, Mrs. Brown presented her husband with a 12 pound baby boy. Mr. Brown was so delighted that he went to the newspaper office and told them that he had found a 12 pound gold nugget, as pure as any in America. Naturally, the newspaper sent a reporter to the house to get the story, as anyone would do, and everyone was prospecting for gold in the little town. This is what happened.

Reporter: "Does Mr. Brown live here?
She: "He does."
He: "Is he in?"
She: "No."
He: "I understand that he found a nugget of gold weighing 12 pounds."
She: (Seeing the joke) "Yes, he found one."
He: "Can you show me the spot where he found it?"
She: "I'm afraid Mr. Brown would object as it is private."
He: "Is the hole very far from here?"
She: "No, it is quite near."
He: "Has Mr. Brown been working the claim long?"
She: "No, only about ten months."
He: "Has he reached the bottom yet?"
She: "No, but he is very near."
He: "Was Mr. Brown the first to work it?"
She: "Well, he thinks he was."
He: "Has he been working the claim regularly since he found it?"
She: "No, but I told him last night it was time to start again."
He: "I suppose he works it secretly?"
She: "Yes, mostly every night."
He: "Do you help him?"
She: "I do my best."
He: "Do you think he will sell the claim?"
She: "I doubt it, he gets so much pleasure out of working it."
He: "Did he blast it out with nitroglycerine?"
She: "No, he used Vaseline and kept digging."
He: "Has he widened the hole any?"
She: "Yes, a little."
He: "How big is the hole?"
She: "Well, about normal size, I suppose."
He: "Is he going to improve the mine any?"
She: "Yes, he said he was going to white wash the shaft tonight."
He: "Does he work alone at night?"
She: "No, I hold it for him and we split 50/50."
He: "Is he an expert at it?"
She: "Well, he does good work."
He: "Would you mind showing me the gold nugget?"
She: "Certainly." (Then she brought out the 12 pound baby boy and they carried the reporter to the hospital.)

====================================

How to Kill a South Dakota Eel

Little Johnny was 11 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from the other boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done.

One day he took his questions to his mother who became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtain one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did the following morning. Here is what Johnny described to his mother:

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured sis must be getting sick, because her face started to look funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like a doctor would except he is not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. Sis must have put some bigger fruit under her blouse this time because her boyfriend kept on saying how they were the largest melons he had ever felt. He must of gotten real hungry from all that kissing and stuff because she let him take off her blouse and suck on both of them for a long time."

"Then he started getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them were panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold, because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. Then this was when the fever really started. I knew it was a fever because sis told him she felt really hot. Finally I found out what was making them so sick. A big eel had gotten in his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 12 inches long! Honest! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it, she really got scared. Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she had ever seen. I should have told her about the one at the lake. Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill it by biting its head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit her. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he got a muzzle out of his pocket. He slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting her again. Sis laid back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it, and he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight! Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. They must have been getting shocked by the eel because they were shaking a lot. After awhile, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp, and some of the insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were tired from the fight, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again, and by golly, the eel was not dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats; they have nine lives or something. This time, sis jumped on it and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After a long fight, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead because I saw sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet."

====================================

Barbara Walters at the Indian Reservation

Barbara Walters is doing an editorial on Indian life on the

reservation. She looks around and sees that some of the men have one

feather, some have two and the chief has feathers all the way down to

the ground.

So she asks a young brave, "What do the feathers mean, some of you have

one, some have two and the chief must have hundreds!" The young brave

replies, "Each feather is for each squaw we have sex with!"

To which Barbara Walters replies, "Come on, I don't believe that!" She then goes to the chief and repeats the question, "What do the feathers mean, some of you have one, some have two and the you must have hundreds!"

The chief replies, "It's true, each feather is for each squaw we have sex with!" Astonished, Barbara exclaims again, "But you have hundreds!" The chief replies, "Me chief, me fuck em all, big, fat, skinny, tall, me chief me fuck em all!"

Barbara exclaims, "You should be hung!" The chief replies, "Me hung, big like buffalo, long like snake!" "Oh dear!", exclaims Barbara. To which the chief replies, "No fuck deer, asshole too high, run to fast!"

Hope you enjoy this one, it's much better told verbally.

================

Law as it should be

One evening after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they

observed a rather well dressed and attractive lady walking just ahead of them. One of the men

turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $50.00 to spend the night with this woman." To their

surprise the young lady overheard the remark and turning around she said, "I'll take you up on

that." She had a pleasant voice and a neat appearance, so, after bidding his companion good

night, the man accompanied the lady to her apartment, where they immediately went to her

apartment where they immediately went to bed.

The following morning the man presented her with $25.00. As he prepared to leave she demanded the

rest of the money stating "If you don't give me the money I'll sue you for it." He laughed saying

"I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."

The next day he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as

defendant in a law suit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His

lawyer said: "She can't possibly get a judgement against you on such grounds, but it will be

interesting to see how her case will be presented."

In court after the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your

Honour, my client, this lady here, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot surrounded

by a profuse growth of shrubbery, property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specific

length of time for the sum of $50.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it

extensively for the purpose for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises he paid

only $25.00 which is only half the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is

restricted property, and we ask judgement to be granted against the defendant to assure payment

of the balance."

The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused at the way the opponent had presented the case.

His defense, therefore, was somewhat altered from the way he originally planned to present it.

"Your Honour, my client agrees that the young lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent

such property for a time and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my

client found a well on the property, around which he placed his stones, sunk a shaft and erected

a pump, all labour being performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property

adequately compensated for rental of said property. We therefore, ask judgement be not granted."

The young lady's lawyer come back was this: "Your Honour: My client agrees that the defendant did

find a well on her property and that he did make improvements such as my opponent has described.

However, had the defendant not known the well existed, he would never have rented the property,

also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft and

took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but

left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making it easily accessible to

little children. We therefore, ask that judgement be granted."

The judge's decision was that the defendant should either pay the plaintiff the $25.00 balance,

or, failing that, that the defendant should detach the aforementioned equipment and present it to

plaintiff for damages.

The man hurriedly wrote out a check for $25.00 to the young lady.

Case dismissed.

=============

The Old Boat

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated
boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his
boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He
spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from
the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of
the evening. Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died
suddenly in his absence.

When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few
things at the grocery. A kind old woman there mistook him for
John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel
terrible."

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no!
Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old
thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she
smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had
a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too.
Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like
crazy."

"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to
those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she
wasn't very good and that she smelled bad. But they wanted her
anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and
she split right up the middle."

The old woman fainted.

After YEARS of putting it off. I shared my wife for the first time with a Black man this past Friday. I t was something that I wrestled with for a very long time. Then this past Friday we took the plunge. It started about a year ago when I brought it up to her in a playful joking around sort of way. We had talked playfully about the idea before. But it never went any further than that. My wife had never been with a Black man before, but she often said that found many of them attractive.

So about 6 months ago we were lying in bed when I just bluntly ask her if she would fuck a Black guy while I watched. She looked at me and seemed nervous about answering. So I asked her again. She than asked me if I was being serious. I nodded yes. To my surprise she said yes. She then said that the guy would have to be good looking. I felt elated, and jealous at the same time.

We go out quite a bit. But we rarely came across anyone that she was interested in. And when we did, it was at a inconvenient time and place where we couldn't exactly talk about it. So I am not ashamed to say we joined a dating site. I won't say the name, but it was one of the more popular ones for swingers and married couples. We filled out our profile but did not post any pics. Discretion is important to us. We agreed in our profile that once communication was established, we could certainly swap pics. The main specification my wife had was that the guy be good looking, athletic, and tall. My only request was that he have atleast a 9 inch dick. My wife really did not care about how big his dick was. But she was cool with my request.

Years ago I had been a member of a few dating sites. And I would get a few hits per day, and the occasional date. Within ONE DAY of our advertisement being up we had something like 40 messages in our inbox. Crazy. We would log off and then log back on 2 hours later and have 6 new messages. So we browsed through the profiles for a few minutes every day looking for Mr right. I saw SEVERAL dudes who I thought were up to the task and was cool with. But my wife is picky. After about a week (and probably 200 profiles) she found a guy she was interested in.

Let's call him John. (Not his real name) He is dark skinned, 6'5, and described himself as passionate and athletic. He had pictures of his body (no dick pics) on his profile. He is very muscular, and indeed dark skinned. Then at the bottom of his profile he said that his dick was 11 inches long and thick. I thought he might exaggerating a little. My cock is 6 inches. I could not even imagine (beforehand) what a 11 inch cock would even look like in the flesh.

So we decided to contact him. After a few messages we swapped phone numbers and spoke directly. We indicated to him that his was our first time doing this. And he then explained to us that this was his first time as well. There was one other couple before us that he had planned to meet, but he said that they got cold feet and never ended up meeting up with him. So we set up a meet.

We decided to meet at a somewhat popular nightclub in the city. We wanted to meet somewhere where we could all just blend in and not stick out. We arrived at the nightclub at 8:00 exactly. We sat down at the first table just inside the main entrance. I gave him a call to let him know that we were there. He answered the phone and told me he was already there. He told me he was just upstairs in one of the booths. So my wife and I proceeded to go upstairs to meet him. I looked at my wife, and she looked at me. I could tell she was both nervous and excited to meet John. And so was I.

So we get to the top of the stairs and literally see John straight ahead sitting by himself in a booth. We walked up and introduced ourselves. I could tell that my wife liked him. And I could tell by the way he looked at my wife that he liked her to. If I'm being honest I was a little jealous. Watching your wife look at another man lustfully is a different dynamic altogether. It is hard to describe unless ou have experienced it. Anyway we talked about boundary's and what we all wanted and were willing to do that night. Everything was very straight forward on both ends.

It was me that suggested we leave and get to it. We left the club a few minutes after 9:00. We took our car and met John in the parking lot of a nice hotel a few blocks away. My wife and I went in to book the room while John waited in the car. Discretion is SO important to us. So we go in the hotel lobby and they tell us that ALL THE ROOMS ARE BOOKED. I was like "what the fuck". The hotel is rarely ever booked.

Anyway, we went to another hotel in the area. We took the same precautions as last time. John waited in the car and my wife and I went in to book the room. This time it was all good. We booked the room and headed straight up to it. The room was nice. And the bed was king size. I envisioned John fucking my wife on it. LOL!!

My wife turned to me again and asked if I was 100% sure I wanted to go through with it. I said I was and I then asked her the same question. She said she was cool with it and ready. So I called John and told him to head up to the room.

John is well mannered. LOL He actually knocked on the door before entering. I told him to come in I put all the lights on in the room and sat down in a chair in the corner next to the bed. My wife looked at me again, smiled, and then turned back to John.

They were both standing next to the bed when they began kissing. First they were kissing each other softly on the lips, and then they started deep kissing and French kissing. Seeing my wife kiss him so passionately had me rock hard. My wife looked like she was trying to swallow his ample lips. He was kissing her just as hungrily while rubbing his huge hands all over her ass and back. While kissing, his hands covered every inch of her backside. My wife was wearing a very short blue stretchable dress. Not quite a mini skirt. But not much longer. My wife had only a pink thong on underneath the dress. While kissing, he would lift he dress up to her waist and squeeze her pale White ass cheeks. His dark fingers would press into her ass cheeks and leave fingerprints when he let go. My wife is a typical Greek. She is 5'4 115 pounds, has black curly hair, dark brown eyes and very pale milky white skin.

They did not kiss for very long. Maybe 3 or 4 minutes tops. John then took off his shirt and threw it in the corner of the room on a spare chair. He then undid his belt buckle, unbuttoned his pants, and undid his zipper. My wife IMMEDIATELY dropped to her knees. There were no words spoken between them. It as though she just knew what came next. My wife tried tugging at his pants to pull them down but was unable to do so. So john had to pull his pants down himself.

I got up from my seat and crouched down a few feet away from my wife. When we discussed boundary's John said he was cool with me getting as close as I wanted to get so I can watch. Back at the nightclub where we discussed boundary's he jokingly said that he doesn't mind if I brush up against him. But told me that he will not kiss me. LOL!!!

So I crouched next to her and by this time Johns pants were around his knees. He had White underwear on which accentuated his dark skin. My wife was totally hot for him at this stage. She was biting her lip and feeling the bulge with her hands through his underwear.

My wife tried to pull down his underwear but his cock was LITERALLY getting caught in the elastic waste band on the way down. SO he pulled his underwear off himself. I swear to God what I saw next was nothing short of amazing. His dicked popped out and was EVERY BIT of the 11 inches he had said it was. I have NEVER EVER EVER seen a cock that big in real life before. Absolutely fucking huge.

My wife grabbed his cock with BOTH her hands and stroked it. Then she started sucking it. But she could only get the tip in. She was hungry for it. But it was just to big to suck properly. She was HUNGY though. She would just suck the tip, and then lick the dick from the bottom to the top like you would lick a popsicle. I told her to suck his balls. So john lifted his dick high up and my wife started sucking his huge black shiny balls. Watching my wifes entire mouth suctioned to Johns big beautiful black balls was one of the many highlights of the night. She looking up at him, and him looking down at her.

I then told him that he should try face fucking her. She heard me and looked at me in disbelief with a huge grin on her face. LOL!!!

She was definitely down for it. She got off of her knees and sat down on the bed. John finished undressing. He took his pants, underwear, shoes and socks off. Totally naked. John then pulled my wifes dress up all the way over her head until it was off of her and threw it on the floor. My wife undid her heels and through them in the corner. There was something surreal about watching my wife sit on the edge of the bed with pink lingerie on staring eye level at a 11 inch black cock.

So John steps to her grabs her hair as one would grab a pony tail and begins to face fuck her. His dick really was just too big. He could only put a few inches in her mouth. But nonetheless he was still face fucking her. My wife was trying her best to fit as much as she could in her mouth.

By this time I had started slowly jerking off. I was to turned on not to. I tried to hold off but just couldn't. My wife took her bra off and laid back on the bed. John stripped her of her thong and started eating her pussy. My wife had her legs spread as wide as possible with her ass on the edge of the bed while John tongue fucked. her. I was in a trance watching this.

Next thing I knew they scooted up on the bed and were about to start fucking in the missionary position. John was on his knees on the bed and his dick was literally grazing the mattress. Anyway they had trouble getting it in. It was just so long and thick . My wife wanted it inside her though. John had a condom on that only covered half his dick. I went in the bag I brought to the room and pulled out some lube and handed it to my wife. She used half the bottle.

It took like 5 minutes and a half of bottle of lubrication for him to go in. But when he did finally got in my goodness. My wife let out a gasp that I HAVE NEVER HEARD from her before. In another minute or so he was fucking her in the missionary position with the4 FULL LEGNTH of his cock. Slow long deep strokes.

I was momentarily ashamed of myself. But I crawled up on the bed and put my face literally 8 inches from the back of his balls to watch him enter my wife. I could see my wife cumming all over his dick. The fluid just poured from her as he long stroked her. I crawled off the bed and stood up beside it. My wifes knees were touching her shoulders. John was just hitting it. My wifes eyes were closed completely. She was fucking GROWLING at this stage. John was fucking the soul out of her with that 11 inch black cock. I came all over the floor next to the night stand that the lamp was sitting on.

I put my pants on and stepped outside for a cigarette. I spent the next 5 minutes outside having a smoke and drinking a coke while staring off into the night. I went back in and they had changed to doggystyle. I honestly HAVE NO IDEA how my wife was taking his dick doggystyle. I mean he was going ALL IN. My wife eyes WERE STILL CLOSED. In fact I think her eyes were closed almost the whole time during sex. She did not look at me even once. He had a handful of hair and was now pulling it VERY HARD. He was also sweating everywhere. But my wife didn't give a shit anymore. She was thrusting her hips back into his dick as hard as she could. I also noticed a LITERAL PUDDLE of her cum on the bed where she had been laying during the missionary position.

They changed position again. She was now laying facedown while she was still on her knees with her ass propped up in the air while her hands were stretched out in front of her on the bed. This guy had EXCELLENT stamina. He was fucking my wife for atleast 45 minutes straight and showed no signs of tiring. I dick was rock hard again. I had watched interracial BBC porn for MANY MANY years. But NOTHING prepared me for the intensity of the real thing. Watching that 11 inch black cock burrow into my wifes pussy while her pale White ass cheeks jiggled with every powerful thrust. Within 5 minutes of being hard................I came for the 2nd time.

I got dressed and headed for the lobby to get another Coke. They were still fucking. On the elevator I felt guilty for enjoying my wife getting fucked as mush as I did. Anyway, I bought a Coke from the vending machine and went outside for a quick smoke.

I got back to the room and they were finished. I was pissed at myself for missing the cumshot. I was a bit irritated by how they inter acted after sex. The sex was hot. But when I returned to the room they were both naked, and my wife was laying on his chest while he played with her loose curly hair. He would go from playing her curly hair to giving her quick head massage. For her part, she couldn't stop rubbing his chest and looking up at him. She would also grab his limp 7 inch cock and hold it up while looking at it. Her legs were wrapped over his. The sex didn't feel awkward. But this did.

She kept kissing his arms and his chest. I could tell she just had the fuck of her life. And I felt a little inferior. I played it off though. I said fuck it, I lit up a smoke in the room and just continued to watch their interactions. She sat up Indian style with her lags crossed and turned to face him. She grabbed his cock again and lifted it towards his belly. His balls were exposed and she started gently kissing his balls. It was fuckin crazy how much my wife liked him. And how affectionate she became with him. I was truly torn. I felt jealousy, but at the same time I started getting hard for A THIRD TIME while watching her play with his cock and kiss his balls. She was LITEERALLY WORSHIPING his cock and balls without even realizing it.

Anyway, John got up to go to the bathroom and my wife put her dress back on and stepped out onto the patio for some fresh air.

John took a quick 5 minute shower and came out with a towel on. My wife had come back inside by now and was headed for the shower as well. As they crossed paths, she parted his towel with one hand and grabbed his cock with the other, said YUM to him and then continued to the shower.

When she was in the shower me and John said our goodbyes and he left. He told me to tell my wife goodbye for him. I agreed. We had each others numbers and agreed to meet again sometime.

My wife came out of the shower, dried off, and got dressed again. My wife and I left together. I put the swipe card in the after hours box and headed home.

She was really quiet most of way home. She asked me if I was okay. I told her I was. (which is the truth) I asked her how she felt. She said she loved me more than anything or anyone in the world. We kissed in the car at a red light. When we got home I took a shower.

She was naked laying on our bed. I scooted to the foot of the bed and looked at her pussy (which she shaves) Her pussy was unbelievably stretched out. I asked her many times she came. She was dodging the question. Eventually she said she came a few times. I asked a few more times and she told me that she came FOUR TIMES.

It was the craziest night of my life. And it only happened a week ago. So I am still digesting it. I cant really tell anyone in my real life. So this post in a way is about the only way I could share my experience.

Í don't regret it at all. It was a humbling, yet was a enjoyable experience. I asked my wife if she wanted to see John again and she said that she does not care either way. But that she would be up for it if I was. John texted me on Thursday. I told him maybe in a few weeks we can meet again.

Gotta tell somebody.

I stopped by my church a couple of weeks ago to drop- off coffee and office supplies from the local box store. My pastor's wife was there, catching up on some bookkeeping. I always have a sympathy for her. Our pastor's a great guy. Very humble. Very unassuming. A lot of the things that a pastor should be but most of them aren't, you know? Not a flashy man but always ready to get up in the middle of the night to sit up with sick congregant or to rush out to the scene of an accident. At the same time, if you see him on the street, he doesn't make an effort to be seen as what he does for a living.

On the other hand though, being as pious as he is, he makes all the decisions at home. One of those decisions is based on the idea that sex if for procreation only. He and his wife have three children, born in the first three years they were married so they're what, 7, 8, and 9. They have their brood and he feels that his fatherly duties are fulfilled and that's enough. We're probably not supposed to know something so personal about their relationship but it's common, if whispered, knowledge. They don't even sleep in the same room as he doesn't want her to have to wake up when someone calls in the middle of the night.

She's not a raving beauty, doesn't wear make-up, always wears skirts, your standard conservative evangelical wife. Tall, slender, willowy is how I'd describe her. And she's as nice as he is in person. Always willing to chip in. So when I started to bring things in from the bed of my truck, she grabbed a couple of bags and helped, chatting all the while. Asked me how I was doing, thanked me for running the errand, and then asked me about my wife. She'd mistaken me for someone else. I don't have a wife. Never have. I have a friend though, same age as me and same name, so she was probably thinking of him. I said something flirty back to her like, "Oh, that's not me. I think you're thinking of the other _____ and his wife, Amy. They're just fine. But Mrs., if I was thirty years younger and you were single , , , , " She blushed and laughed and swatted me on the arm. "Oh you. Always flirting. You're a sinful man to know."

We set the bags down in the office, it took two trips. Then she closed the door and standing in front of it asked me, "If I was single, what did you mean by that?"

I had just been being playful and I told her so and started to apologize.

"Please, don't apologize."

Then she lifted her skirt, hooked her thumbs into the waistband of what I was surprised to see was a tiny black thong, and stepped out of it.

"Um, excuse me," I asked

"I know everyone knows I don't get it at home. He's a lovely man but in that one way, he fails our marriage. I trust you'll be discrete, and if you don't want to, please, say so. But I need a man and you're here." Then she leaned over the desk and flipping her skirt up, bared her ass.

I don't date much, being almost sixty. Sometimes I'll go to Denver and hire an escort for the evening. I have no problem paying for it. And here was a woman with a cute ass, a peach of a hairy little pussy, and she was asking me to split that peach for her.

So, of course, I did. I lowered my trousers and boxers and after stepping up behind her and fingering her to see if she was ready, and boy was she, I slipped all the way into her with one slow stroke.

I could see her fists balling up on the blotter of her husband's desk. As I began to stroke, I could hear her begin to grunt and say softly to herself, "fuck, fuck, fuck". She wasn't the tightest I've ever been in although she may have been the wettest and when she came, she clenched up so hard that I could barely move inside of her, which triggered my own orgasm much sooner than I would have liked.

"I'm going to cum," I whispered and she replied, "It's okay. I'm on the pill." So I let go and filled her to the brim.

As we were rearranging our clothes, I asked, "If you don't get this at home, why are you on the pill?"

"An essential part of faith is hope. And so I kind of always hope that he'll change his mind and I want to be ready if and when he does. Besides, you don't think this is the first time I've done this, do you?" She chuckled a little. "It's actually only the second time. But if you won't want it to be the last, I could see this happening again. How would you feel about that? You fit inside of me nicely."

"But you're a pastor's wife and this is sin, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. But if you don't sin, you have nothing to be forgiven for."

So even though I'm thirty years older and she's not single, I'm going to be helping paint the church basement tomorrow while he's out of town and the kids are in school. I'm going to need to be forgiven. More than once, I hope.

I found this on the internet today and thought I would share it with you. Sadly I'm not aloud to post where I stole it from, however you can always google.

10 Bizarre Sex World Records

1
World's Largest Penis (13.5 inches - 34.2 cm)

World's Largest Penis (13.5 inches - 34.2 cm)
Jonah Falcon, an American actor and writer, has been reported as having the World's Largest Penis with 9.5 inches (24.13 cm) in length when flaccid and 13.5 inches (34.29 cm) when erect.

Falcon has identified himself as a bisexual and works as a gaming blog editor. He gained media attention after appearing in a 1999 HBO documentary, a Rolling Stone Magazine article, a documentary by UK Channel 4 called "The World's Biggest Penis," and The Daily Show.

He was offered to enter the pornography industry but refused, saying it would be "just the easy way out... it's not going to help my legit acting career."

In 2012, he was stopped and frisked by the TSA at the SF Airport due to the large bulge in his pants. After passing through a metal detector and a body scanner, the world's largest dick was selected for additional screening, then finally released.

2
World's Largest Vagina (19 inches - 48.26 cm)

World's Largest Vagina (19 inches - 48.26 cm)
The World's Biggest Vagina most likely belonged to Scottish giantess Anna Swan (1846-1888), a remarkable woman who set a number of records relating to her bulk. Born normally sized, she began growing at a prodigious rate in childhood, finally reaching a maximum height of 7' 8" at age 19. Capitalizing on her huge size, she joined a side show and toured the country, where she met and fell in love with Captain Martin Bates, another giant who measured over 7 feet tall. They wed in 1872, making them the tallest married couple in the world, a record that still stands today. The couple settled down into married life, built a mansion filled with enormous furniture, including an 11' by 7' bed where they consummated their union. On June 18, 1879, she gave birth to the largest baby in history, weighing 26 lbs. and 34 inches in length—so large, in fact, that it became tightly wedged in her capacious tract, only extricated by the use of forceps and belts. The child did not survive the rigors of birth, but a cast was made, still on display at the Cleveland Museum of Health. Generally the largest part of an infant is the head. We know that the tyke's cranium measured about 19 inches (48.26 cm) in circumference, hence we compute the minimum dilation of Swan's passage as 6 inches, or just over 15 cm. That's pretty wide—the normal dilation for childbirth is 10 cm.

3
World's Most Prolific Mother (69 babies)

World's Most Prolific Mother (69 babies)
Feodor Vassilyev (1707-1782), was a peasant from Shuya, Russia. Though not noteworthy himself, his first wife, Valentina Vassilyeva, set the record for most children birthed by a single woman. She gave birth to total of 69 children; however, few other details are known of her life, such as her date of birth or death. She gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets between 1725 and 1765, in a total of 27 births. 67 of the 69 children born survived infancy. The modern world record for giving birth is held by Leontina Albina from San Antonio, Chile. Now in her mid-sixties, she claims to be the mother of 64 children. Of these, 55 are documented. The mother with the greatest number of kids that are not twins is Livia Ionce. This Romanian woman, 44, gave birth to her 18th child in Canada in 2008.

4
World's Biggest Distance for a Jet of Semen (18 ft 9 in - 570 cm)

World's Biggest Distance for a Jet of Semen (18 ft 9 in - 570 cm)
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in (579 cm) with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also holds the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in - 375.92 cm) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.

5
World's Oldest Prostitute (82-year-old)

World's Oldest Prostitute (82-year-old)
Prostitution is commonly known as the world's oldest profession. Meanwhile police in Tai Pei estimate an 82 -year-old nicknamed "Grandma" to be the oldest living, working prostitute. Chiu went into the business about 40 years ago, after a man she had lived with for two decades died. She stays in the business charging ten or twenty times less than others prostitutes. (Source)

6
World's Biggest Orgy (250 couples)

World's Biggest Orgy (250 couples)
Japan has successfully set a new world record – having 250 men and 250 women consent to have sex in the same place at the same time, completing the world's biggest orgy! The Orgy was held in a warehouse with a professional camera crew taking pictures and recording the entire event. Each sex act and position was choreographed so that couples were simultaneous in their actions. Despite the "orgy" label, the 250 couples (all tested STD-free) featured in the video have sex only with each other and not with any other couple. The entire event is available for purchase on DVD.

7
World's Biggest Gang Bang (919 guys in the same day)

World's Biggest Gang Bang (919 guys in the same day)
Lisa Sparxxx is a noted American pornographic actress. She had sex with 919 guys in a single day, setting a world record. Specifically, it occurred during Eroticon 2004, a Polish convention that celebrates exactly what its title suggests, as part of the Third Annual World Gangbang Championship. This wasn't just some publicity stunt either; the coveted “World Gang Bang Record” had changed “hands” back in 2002 and 2003, when the number reached was 646 and 759, respectively.

8
World's Longest Man Masturbation (10 hours)

World's Longest Man Masturbation (10 hours)
A man by the name of Masanobu Sato attended the 2009 World Masturbate-a-thon held by the Center for Sex & Culture in San Francisco and set the world record for longest session by jerking it for 9 hours and 58 minutes. He came all the way from Japan just for the event, armed with a wide variety of sexual aids, and the record he was beating was his own. Last year he set the record with 9 hours and 33 minutes.

9
World's Strongest Vagina (lifts 31 lbs with her vagina)

World's Strongest Vagina (lifts 31 lbs with her vagina)
Meet Tatiata Kozhevnikova, the 42-year-old Russian woman with the world's strongest vagina. No, seriously, she broke records to attain that title. Incredibly enough, she lifted 14 kilograms worth of weights-- almost 31 pounds-- to achieve such notoriety. She has been exercising her intimate muscles for fifteen years, and has already made her entrance into the Guinness Book of Records as the possessor of the world's strongest vagina. “After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls,” she said.

(Source)

10
World's Oldest Father (90-year-old)

World's Oldest Father (90-year-old)
The world's oldest father has done it again, fathering a child for at least the 21st time, at the age of 90. Indian farmer Nanu Ram Jogi, who is married to his fourth wife, boasts he does not want to stop, and plans to continue producing children until he is 100. Mr Jogi admits he is not certain how many children his series of four wives have borne him - but counts at least 12 sons and nine daughters and 20 grandchildren.

I have a colleague I meet four times a year, at our regional quarter seminars. She is 50, married, beautiful, slim and gentle blonde, elegant and classy. I am 44, married as well, but I always liked her, so, every time, we would joke and dance at these parties, there was some innocent flirting, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Two weeks back, we had our end of third quarter seminar, and she just wasn't herself. Not in the mood, sitting on the sidelines, by herself, so I approached her, and we started talking. She was all, I am ok, nothing is wrong, but I kept pouring wine and asking. Finally, she said something about having some problems at home. I said that I hope that the kids are ok, and she said yes, that is all fine, she was just having some marital problems.

Wine kept pouring, I opened up about some of my problems, than she did, (nothing sexual on either end), and after that, again, with the jokes, and laughing. By the end of the evening, she excused herself and I offered to escort her to her room. We never did that before, but she said yes.

When we got there, she invited me in, to "raid the mini bar". So we did.

We were sitting on her bed, and after the said raiding, she just leaned over, and kissed me. I was still a bit shook, and she started unbuttoning my pants. I expected her to mount me, but no, she got on her knees, and before you know it, she had my cock in her mouth.

She knew her business - watching me in the eyes, softly sighing, licking the head, then, putting it all in. I expected her to stop at one point, get up, ride me, but she didn't, she just kept on working. I get blow jobs once or twice a year, from the Mrs.so you can imagine my excitement. When I announced that I am cumming, she got down and started licking my balls, while expertly stroking me.

I shot the biggest spurt of cum, all over her hair,. while moaning like a little bitch.

When I got my senses back, I wanted to kiss her, but she just waved it off "I have to shower, this was a mistake".

On the two remaining days of the seminar, she said hi, and all, but clearly evaded me.

God knows what was going through her head, and in the end, I do not care, but I am a bit curious to see, how all this will play out, next time we see each other, in December.