Dear Jessie,
I regret that I must inform you of some very delicate information. You see once upon a time you promised this young lady that you were never going to hurt her. After her fiance ran off with another woman you swore to her that you would never allow her to go through something so painful again.

You lied. After she had given you her everything you took her heart and promptly dropped what little love she had left and it shattered on the ground. All the months you spent piecing the little puzzle of her hart back together were useless. She has been unable to locate the remaining pieces and she now resembles that of an empty shell.

She has since then traveled in a downward spiral. Her friends have become greatly concerned about her and there is nothing they can do about it. I am writing you this letter because today this young lady cried for the first time in several weeks. She realized that she could never allow herself to love someone as deeply as she loved you. She did give you her heart, body and her mind to you.

All this young lady wants is for you to tell her something, anything really. You have neglected to reply to any of her calls or messages and a small part of her thinks that you have died. She just wants to know that it is over. That you do not care for her and that there never will be a relationship between the two of you. For heavens sake she has convinced herself that you are the only one for her! That you are the one and only one that accepts all that she is and wants to be.

Please! I am begging you on her behalf that you just tell her the truth! That is all anyone wants! Please. Before something happens. For I fear that something will. She is not herself anymore..

Sincerely, Anonymous.

Oh sure training is a blast and sometimes I want to hurry and race to the end. However I have regretted such impatience in the past. Training should always be pushing them to improve yet also be obtainable.as there boundaries shrink. Pain threshold grows you can inch the line further and further. Eventually a complete submissive is produced. Make no mistake this has more to do with trust and connection than anything else. Connections needed to feel comfortable doing what is or was considered taboo. Trust without it the journey can't even start cultivate these and make your mission learning all you can about who they are. Eventually through the correct and honest approach you will get your desired sub. After all it is in a subs nature to seek your approval and to please.

I confess...

Last not during a heated sex session with my gf I think I may have rap*d her. I have been begging her for anal and she has been refusing over and over. Just this week I have been making progress and getting a finger in there. The other day I even managed to get the head of my dick into her asshole until she started crying so I backed off and gave up. She teases me so much with this! We go out to the bars and when we get home she is all drunk and shit and starts saying "fuck me in my slutty asshole" and stuff like that, but when I try she starts crying and I have to stop.

Well last night we went out and got a little too drunk and again the same scenario happened and she started teasing the fuck out of me about giving it to her in her butt. I was very horny and intoxicated so I just said fuck it and rammed it into her ass. She screamed and starting crying like she always does, but this time I just wasn't having it! I had a raging boner and pushed it in and fucked the hell out of her ass until I blew a huge load right up her butt.

I do feel bad that I made her cry and she was in obvious pain, but it felt so good at the same time. I can't say that I regret this because it was so awesome and I want to do it again. I guess I just wanted to admit what happened somewhere and I can't really talk to my friends about this. Yes I know this was wrong and I should have stopped, but I couldn't help myself.

This might be long, so if you do not have the patience, you've been warned.

I am a 40 year old divorcee, single mother. My life is work, and my daughter, trying to survive paycheck to paycheck.

You can imagine that such life, that has been going on for the past four years, since our divorce, left it's toll on my social, and sexual life. Somehow, I found refuge on the internet, and here I am.

I was never a beauty, far from it, but I had my ways of making up for it, covering my flaws with a long, blonde hair, and a fit body, men were after me, and I got pregnant with one of them, which led to marriage. Soon enough, we found out we weren't compatible, and ended it after less than a year. After that, said life made me lose focus on my looks, my sexuality, I gained a few pounds, and it all went to hell, men stopped noticing me, I felt a huge fall in my self esteem, and became lonely, and desperate, so desperate, that I found my went here, among other places.

At first, it was just stories, then it went to forums, images, and in the end porn. I can't quite describe what made me lustful in porn, but it felt nice, I saw some things I never did, even though I felt like a pretty open minded woman, some things intrigued me, and I just felt the spark of passion, lighting up inside me.

Soon enough, I started online sexting, had a few cam sex sessions, and it got even more exciting.

So, I would, once a month, leave my daughter at my parents house, not to go out, even though I told them that is the reason, but to stay in, relax, and immerse myself into the world of fantasy. I would spend two days, almost completely naked, with wine, and my lap top. Started taking care of my looks again, bought some lingerie, shaved myself down there, made some cheeky photos, for my future sexting adventures, and it was all fun, and very, very exciting.

Never saw that going any further, I was not interested in a real man, from flesh and blood, and I was ok with it, until...

One of those weekends, it was morning, I just got online, and the guy I had some fun with a few times, was there. We started sexting, he asked me what am I doing, if I am alone, and I said yes . Then he told me he would love to come over, I responded - me too. Now, till this point we never talked about our location, and he asked me where I am from. When I said it, he smiled - we live in the same city, not such an outrageous coincidence, considering I live in a small country in Europe.

And I gave him my adress.

I waited for him for about an hour, and in that period of time, I was elated at one point, while shivering in fear the next. I couldn't wait for him to touch me, and at the same time thought how I would end up dead, since he must be some lunatic, god knows what he will do to me.

He wasn't, he was just a married guy, whose wife and kids are away often, during the weekends. I didn't know what to do, how to behave, so I ended up opening the door in a one piece lingerie. He kissed me on the doorstep, and we went straight to the bedroom.

He was still fully clothed, when he went down on me. I was so sex starved, that I think I came in a few minutes, but honestly, I do not know, it might have been an hour, since I was totally out of it. When I looked down, after getting back my senses, he was already naked, big, fully erect, and standing by the bed. I went down on my knees so fast, and it tasted so good. I was never a fan of sucking, I did it many times, but this was the first one, that I fully enjoyed. I wanted to swallow it, I licked his balls, kissed his leg, rubbed his cock against my face, while burning from lust.

He bent me over the bed, with my knees still on the floor, moved my onepiece to the side, and I felt his hand on my clit. I was so wet, that with every move, I made that sound, you know... Then I felt his lips on my bottom, and eventually, his tongue on my anus. At that moment, the realization that I didn't shave that, made me anxious, but as he continued to work on it with his full tongue, made me relaxed, once again.

That was another thing I never experienced, and it was good, and his hand was doing all the right things, and I was so close, when he pulled my hand down, and guided me, to continue it, by myself. I did, and he stood up, I could her the condom wrapper break, and I loved the idea that he is standing there, looking at me, as I pleasured myself, while moving my hips in a circular motion. I wanted him so badly, and I didn't want to cum before he enters, and I was so close, so damn close, when I felt his head on my anus.

I wanted to protest, to say something, since, that was another thing I never experienced, but I was so close, and as he started going in, slowly, inch by inch, pull out almost fully, and start going back in, even slower, I started cumming so hard, that it made me sob.

I guess that was too much for him too, so he grabbed my hair, thrusted four or five times, really fast, and really hard, and started roaring like a fucking lion. It did hurt, but it was the sweetest pain I ever felt.

I was so weak, that I couldn't even make coffee, so he did. We talked till sunset, when he had to go. He told me we will do this often, he told me he is mesmerized by me, he told it, and went away.

His profile got deleted the same night. I can't say that I am surprised, but I am disappointed. Still, I have no regrets, that one afternoon, was the highlight of my sex life, from the day I was born. And it brought a lots of self esteem back, I am now trying to better myself in more ways than one.

I still have my weekends, and this is my first free weekend, since it happened, at the end of October. I am not looking for anything right now, and who knows, weekends like that one might never happen again, but who knows.

And that is it.

P.S. I hope you won't judge.

Your wife cheated on you, with me.

I never expected she would let me touch her, but she did. The how and the why is not nearly as important as the act, and I truly have no regrets about fucking your wife. And keep your anger to yourself because you have an amazing woman, and you've had enough impure thoughts over the years that you probably owe her an indiscretion or two. Everybody needs a freebie, and I was just lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time.

My hand on her back, she enjoyed the gentle scratch that wandered up to her neck. Her eyes closed, and for some reason, she smiled as she let my fingers delicately scratch against the back of her neck before wandering up into her hair. I could see her reflection in the mirror, and her hardening nipples showed through her bra. She was enjoying my touch, and only hesitated when I placed my kiss against her neck because she was forced to decide right then if she should stop it, or allow me to continue.

"I'll never say a word if you won't." I whispered, and her expression changed as the offer became real. "One time, and nobody will ever know."

She bit her lip hungrily as my hand slipped around her waist, and my warm breath in her ear as I kissed her neck again made her decision.

Her eyes opened, and she began to watch our reflection, your wife putting her guilt on someone else as she watched the reflection's indiscretion, but savored the touch against her. She watched my hand wander up, inching closer to her breast, and as I felt its fullness fill my hand, her hand wandered up to my neck to further expose the woman in the mirror. Her fingers slipped into my hair, her nails lightly scratching against my scalp as I lifted your wife's shirt and pulled up her bra.

Your wife has amazing breasts, and she slowly pressed her ass against my hardening cock as we watched my hands squeezing them, and pinching her nipples, and caressing that supple flesh that I wanted so much. My hand wandered up to her throat, and I turned her chin to accept my kiss. Her lips are amazingly soft and passionate, and her kiss was sweet from the lipstick she wore. Her eyes were hungry as they gazed into mine, and I couldn't wait to wander her naked body with my mouth. I pulled off her shirt and bra, and ran my fingers over her soft skin, savoring the image of your wife standing topless before me.

Turning her attention back to the reflection, I put your wife's hands behind my head, and continued to enjoy that gentle scratch of her nails. She hungrily watched her reflection as my hands wandered down her body, and whimpered as she saw me unbutton her pants, and slowly slide that zipper down. Her eyes grew wide as the top of her panties came into view behind that open zipper, and her breath quivered as she watched me slide them down her legs. I made sure my fingers stayed in contact with her body as I slowly knelt down to remove her pants, and she easily stepped out of them.

She watched my lips kiss up her thigh, enjoying her body as I kissed my way back up, and I could tell she was ready to pounce as she studied her nearly naked reflection, and this man behind her who wanted her "just this once..."

I turned her so that she could watch from the side... appreciating being naked next to me. She studied her own ass still in panties, and the incredible amount of flesh she was giving me that only you had gotten until now. She watched my fingers slip inside the elastic of those panties, and cooed softly as I slowly peeled them down her legs, and her bare bottom finally came into view.

Believe me... you have never witnessed a more wicked grin cross those lips than I did that moment.

She resigned herself to one dirty moment of cheating, and loved feeling another man's hands on her. That wicked grin turned to primal lust, and she truly felt sexier than she had felt in a very long time. Her fingers unbuttoning my shirt as she stared at my chest was frantic as she tried to strip me quickly, eager to get to naked skin. She dropped to her knees as she unbuckled my belt, desperate to wrap her fingers around the hardness she could feel but couldn't see, and the second my pants were down, your wife did what you never thought she would.

Her lips felt amazing as she sucked my cock between them, and her tongue savored my flesh like some decadent dessert, moaning warmly as she sucked my hardness. She turned slightly to watch her own reflection cheat, and seeing that hard cock sliding between her red lips made her enjoy it that much more. Your wife savored my cock, sucking it with expert skills, and twisting her head slightly as the thickness disappeared down her throat, and I could see the edge of her lips turn up in a hungry, wicked grin.

She may never do it again, but your wife loved being unfaithful at that moment.

Her head bobbed up and down on my shaft, and I caught her hand disappearing between her legs. As your wife silently came, I could feel her teeth press into my cock as she continued to blow me. Such a naughty minx, your wife... hungrily sucking a strange cock as she fingers her wetness and admires her infidelity in a mirror. I knew it was more about the reflection than me, your wife allowing herself to be far more than the devoted spouse and mom... instead taking the time to be the sexy woman she always wanted to be.

I pulled your wife up and she was quick to kiss me. I could taste the saltiness of my own cock on her mouth, and I quickly laid her on the table where she would be able to continue watching her own reflection. I spread her legs and climbed between them, and devoured her breasts for a moment before beginning to kiss my way down her body.

The hungry look on her face was desperately angry as she pushed my head between her legs, and she moaned loudly as my tongue slipped to her wetness, and slowly slid between those wet lips, and slid all the way up to that hungry clit. Her muscles tensed immediately as my tongue flickered over her swollen clit, and she came hard as I slipped two fingers deep inside your wife.

"Oh, my God!!!" she moaned loudly as her eyes darted back and forth between her cheating reflection in the mirror, and the man between her real legs; his fingers fucking her as his tongue swirled and licked at her hungry button.

She came hard and often as I enjoyed the hot, salty wetness between your wife's legs. Her mouth hangs with the most incredible temptation as that orgasm builds and releases, and she lets out that slow, satisfying moan of pure pleasure as the orgasm washes over her like a warm wave. Her legs tensed and squeezed my head over and over as I lapped at her sweet pussy, and each time she glanced over to see the man between her legs in the mirror, the reminder that she was a cheating wife just pushed her into orgasm that much faster.

At one point as I realized how much she enjoyed watching, I pushed her onto her side and slipped her leg over my shoulder. I made sure she could watch the tongue licking her clit, and see it spread them as the dark red tongue slipped to the hot pink button that inevitably pushed her over the edge. Watching another man's mouth between her legs was intoxicating, and she eagerly stretched her body to get a better view of the mouth that gave her so much pleasure.

She nearly waited too long as the nerves began to get sensitive, and while she could have stopped me there, she wanted me to fuck her. She wanted to feel my hardness slide in deep and touch her in places that no other cock had touched in years... except her husband's.

"Fuck me, fuck me hard!" she begged.

I climbed on top of your wife, and saw your wedding ring on her finger. It was guiding my hardness to her wet and hungry pussy, and she moaned loudly as she felt my full length and girth slowly impale her.

All the way in, inch by inch, I slipped my hardness deep inside your wife, until my balls nestled neatly against the crack of her ass. I couldn't get any deeper in your wife, and I knew by the smile on her lips, and the satisfied look in her closed eyes that I had all she wanted. Now it was time to fuck her hard.

Pulling almost out very slowly, she cooed lovingly as I slowly plunged back inside her. Out again, I pushed my cock into your wife a little faster, and she bit her bottom lip with anticipation of being filled that much, and fucked very hard. Faster... harder... deeper... she moaned loudly when she first heard my body smack her pussy.

I turned her head to watch herself cheat, and she struggled to keep her eyes open as the woman in the mirror was fucked harder and harder. Her breasts bounced up and down violently, and she could see her ass rubbing against the table as the hardness continued to spank her pussy, and the length and girth spread her over and over.

Your wife came hard and fast as she watched herself fucked, and was quick to put her leg over my shoulder so that she could turn on her side to watch the act in the reflection. I could hear her fingernails scratching into the surface of the table, and her knuckles were turning red as she squeezed the sides. The look in her eyes was nearly painful as she waited for the orgasm to wash over her, and as it finally hit, I watched your wife bury her teeth into her own arm, the teeth marks glistening in the light as she finally let go of her tension and released the orgasm to flood her with that wave of electricity.

"OH, FUCK!!!" she screamed loudly, and quickly covered her mouth, praying that no one heard her scream of unfaithful pleasure.

I grinned at the pain she must have endured, biting her arm like that, and waited for the tension to build again. When I saw that look in her eyes, my hand loudly smacked her ass, and your wife yelped in shock, before allowing the sting to slowly blend with the pleasure. Another smack against her naked ass, and one more for good measure, she came again, even stronger as she watched the wife in the mirror being fucked and spanked like some dirty schoolgirl.

I rolled her over and put her ass in the air, and she began to ignore the mirror as my hands slipped to her waist, and my hard cock plunged back into her very eager pussy. I squeezed those beautiful rolls of her hips as I fucked her hard, my body spanking her ass; my balls smacking against her clit as my cock drove into her unmercifully. Wave after wave, your wife came and came as I rough fucked her, and I began to see the scratch marks in the finish of the table as her fingers dug deep.

Your wife's pussy felt incredible as it wrapped around my cock, and I could feel her walls squeeze it each time she came. Her toes curled, and her ass was turning red from the spanking she received, and I wondered if her husband might see my dirty hand print on his wife's ass later.

My hands reached around to squeeze her breasts as I continued to fuck her, and her nipples remained as hard as ever as she enjoyed feeling the cock pounding her from behind. I pulled her up, and her back arched as she leaned back to give me access without losing the momentum of the stroke. I grabbed her hair and pulled, and she willingly submitted to me as the wicked grin crossed her lips yet again.

"Where am I cumming?" I asked hungrily in a near whisper only meant for her ears.

Your wife began to pant and grind against my cock, determined to take every drop of my cum deep inside her pussy. In for a penny, in for a pint was all I could figure from the fucking I began to receive from her, and I was surprised when she pulled off my cock and forced me onto my back, climbing on top and slipping the hardness back inside.

She turned me so that she could watch her reflection again, and leaned back so that she could watch herself fucking the cock. Your wife seemed obsessed with burning that image in her mind, and her pussy looked amazing as it slid up and down my shaft. The muscles in her stomach tensed and released, and her legs squeezed my hips as she rode me. Her ass ground against my legs for only a moment before rising up so that she could watch the cock disappear deep inside her.

Over and over, up and down, your naughty wife rode that hard cock, and her eyes stayed glued to the image of another man inside her in that reflection. She glanced away one time to see my expression as I reached my limit, and on that loud moan as I released my hot cum inside your wife's pussy, she came hard, and began to slow her fucking, determined to watch my cum dribble from inside her and leak down my hard shaft. Your wife demanded my cum inside her for the sole reason of watching it leave her. She wanted to see another man fucking her, and see that finish as that white, sticky, hot cum drained from between her legs.

Finally satisfied, she sunk down on my cock one last time, and began grinding her hips against me, rubbing it deep inside to take home with her. The expression of naughty cheating nearly carried a vengeful look, and I couldn't tell if it was anger, or claiming a trophy after what she had just done.

Climbing off, your wife climbed between my legs and lovingly licked the taste from my flesh. I could see the white cream caking against her tongue, and she easily swallowed and then licked it from her lips, continuing that task until I was absolutely clean of our juices.

Dabbing the edges of her lips daintily, she grinned with a look of wicked accomplishment as she sucked that last drop from her fingertip. She picked up her panties without saying a word, and when I snapped my fingers and smiled, she didn't hesitate to place them in my hand. She slipped on her bra, followed by her shirt and pants, and grabbed the rest of her belongings. Out the door with nothing more than a seductive grin, your wife was headed home to you.

Hopefully... you never tasted me on her lips, or saw the red hand print on her naked ass, or the creamy white cum that dribbled from her pussy and ran down her inner thigh, soaking into her pants.

But let me just congratulate you... you married an amazing woman, who is an amazing fuck. Enjoy what you have with her, because I will fuck her again if I get the chance. Your wife's panties are neatly folded in my drawer, waiting for her to come back and claim them.

I missed an opportunity to be bad (and I'm having regrets of not going through with it). LONG STORY

Was in a work setup where a female colleague (let's call her R) and I had to stay in an Airbnb condo for a couple of weeks. I admit that R was my type body-wise (she had small love handles, her armpit to sideboob area is very "eatable" and her hips and thighs are to die for). Unfortunately, I had kept a professional distance with R. Other than office events, I had never been with R outside of office settings and we have kept mostly professional with our interactions. It was safe to say that I find her attractive but we were only office friendly (we were both with someone at the time).

On the early weeks of our stay, it became very apparent to me that R likes to drink and party hard. She usually does pre-game in our place before heading out (she'd down a couple shots of tequila and some cans of beer). I've even went with her in some of her outings. Nothing special, just hard drinking and harder partying.

Now here's the part where the opportunity presented itself:
There was a night where she came home drunk from a party and decided to start drunk dancing while chugging down shots of tequila. She pulled me out from my room (was doing work) and asked me to be her drinking buddy (of course I indulged her). As a testament to her drinking strength, she downed half a bottle of Patron all by herself within 30 mins (I also got drunk with a couple shots of gin and 2 bottles of Blue Moon). She was so drunk that she could longer stand without swaying and she was practically zonked out. As a good friend and colleague, I carried her (we were shoulder to shoulder) to her room and laid her on the bed (at this point there was nothing inappropriate going on). While I was moving her to her side (so she won't asphyxiate in case she vomits) she started undressing to her underwear (pair of black lingerie). I was trying not to stare while positioning her but R started pulling down my shorts while she was kicking off her dress. By instinct, I stepped back in surprise. With me out of her reach, she tells me to take pictures of her. She starts moving around attempting to look seductive. She even moved her panties to the side as a tease (showing her pussy with a good trim of bush). Better judgement aside (note that I'm drunk too), I started taking a video of her. She was clearly drunk in the vid but it was hot nonetheless. After a minute or two of her drunk posing, she passes out. Given that she is on her back again, I approached to set her to her side. While my hand was on her back, she wakes up and reaches out again to my shorts. This time around, I let her pull it down since I want to already move her to her side (boxers were still on). After my shorts were at my ankles, she pulled her panties down, completely exposing herself. She then grabbed my hand and placed it on top of her pussy (I think she wanted to put it in but she was so drunk). At this point, I was shocked and still. I was not sure what to do (this is the first time I ended in this situation). After a couple of moments, she said "fuck me already". After hearing this, I instinctively started fingering her (what can I say, I got horny too). She reacted to my fingers (2 digits, g spot rubbing) with light moaning and saying "Good, but I want hard dick..." She was too drunk that she did not finish and passed out. At this point my dick was hard and bulging through my boxers. I'm also sure that she was staring at it before she passed out.

Now the painful part: Given that she's passed out, I ultimately decided to not pursue it forward (in hindsight, it was my good boy reflex). I pulled my fingers out, fixed her bra (a tit was out at this point) set her on her side, covered her with her blanket and got out of the room. For the remaining period that we were there, we never got that risky again. We never got to talked of what happened again. We remained colleagues until I transferred to another company.

I could have fucked her and HARD. Thinking about it, if I was a little move devious back then, I could have tested all of her holes without any problems (I have never tried rough anal at that point).

My perverted checklist (that I have obviously missed):

1. Rough Anal (she was passed out. Just a rub of lotion to my dick and I could go in already)
2. Throat Fuck
3. Fucking her in Kama Sutra Positions
4. Tit and Armpit fuck
5. Fuck Buddy opportunity (I think she wanted something to happen between us. She just never brought it up )

I want to meet with an old, fat, ugly and the most disgusting man in existence and let him fuck me as hard as he wants, for as long as he wants. I want to be made his slave.

I want to be humiliated, insulted, and recorded while he fucks me, so he can keep the footage to blackmail me in case I ever try to leave. I want him to spit on my face and mouth to remind me of my worthlessness.

I want to be used as someone's personal stress reliever. I want to be used and abused.
I want some old man to hit me wherever he wants. I like pain.

I want to be pounded hard. I want be tied up so I don't runway from the pain as this disgusting vile old man thrusts his cock inside my asshole all at once. I want to cry and squirm in pain. I haven't been fucked ever since my cousin stopped using me.

I want to be seen not as a person but as a sex object. Ready to be used to fulfill some old, fat man's needs.

I want a grandpa to make me regret ever making a choice to give myself over to him.
I want to be punished for being this corrupted and perverted.

There. This is my confession and my deepest desire too. I just hope to find the courage to one day put myself through these situations.

I knew this would be a good weekend.
Hubby was working. And he was working nights. It doesnt happen often, and when he does work nights, its generally during the week. But this time he would be gone Saturday night from 7pm to 7 am.

This was perfect. As some of you who follow me on motherless or elsewhere know, I have picked up a new lover. I call him My Cowboy. He does the full thing. Boots, hat, tight jeans. Fuck hes hot. So I have started fucking him. Hes good. Real good. Nice thick cock, trims his balls, keeps himself clean. Almost perfect. So far we have only had a limited time to mess around. A few stolen hours here and there. But saturday would make this different. We could have hours together.

And his roommate was nice. Id fucked them both previously, and this would be a good time. And to be honest, it was. They fucked my brains out. But this story isnt about fucking them. As much fun as it was, it is probably pretty tame for you guys, and I wouldnt want to bore you.

This is about what happened on the way home.

It's 3am. I have spent the last 4 hours at My Cowboys apartment getting periodically fucked by my Cowboy and his roommate. My jaw hurts. My pussy is sore. I can still taste cum, and I can feel it inside me. Its chilly, and Im not dressed for it. I have my yoga pants on, no panties. I have a long sleeved shirt on, and a vest. Im a little drunk, and I need to stop on the way home for gas.

I was standing outside while the pump finished arms wrapped around me for warmth when he pulled up to the front of the store. Blue Tesla. I dont know the model, but it was clean. I was admiring it, and the door opens and this amazing man gets out. He's clearly coming from the club. Weed smoke rolls out. The music is thumping, and he is dressed to go out. Maroon fleece jacket, white shirt that looked like it was painted on, and black jeans. He had a beard and his hair tips was bleached. Beautiful and black. He walks into the store. Blindly, I left the pump and walked towards the store. He was in the back getting an energy drink. I quickly moved up next to him and began to look, half at him, and half at the drinks. He looked over at me.

I froze.

"What's up, ma?" he asked.

"N-nothing."

He smiled. "You had a good night?"

"Yeah. You?"

He replied in some detail about where he had gone and the money he had spent. To be honest, I wasnt listening. It was looking. The swagger and the way he moved. I was mesmerized.

He opened his drink and took a long drink. He pointed at my hand. "Married?"

"Kinda." I said and regretted it. "Yeah, I am." I corrected. "He's working." I added.

He smiled as he took another drink. "I got you. You headed home to him?"

It was my turn to smile. "Unless I find something to do, yeah."

He nodded. "Come see." he said. And he turned and walked along the coolers towards the drink machine. I followed. He turned into the hall where the bathrooms were. My stomach immediately began to flutter. This was my addiction. That feeling of excitement that flowed out from my chest. Knowing what was likely ahead. A new experience. A new fuck. A new first time. He set the drink on the counter next to the fountain machine. I briefly thought about what the clerk was thinking, and I felt my face flush. I dare not look towards the counter.

I rounded the corner and he had the door open. He was smiling. I walked in and he closed the door behind us. It was clean I guess, for a bathroom. I turned towards him. He took his jacket off and tossed it on the sink. Without a word, I dropped to my knees. He walked up, and I reached up and began to undo his belt and pants.
"I knew you was down as soon as I peeped you out." he said.

I pulled his cock out, massive and brown. Shaven clean, I could see a bit of white where he had put powder near his legs. He was thick. I bit my lip and rubbed his cock. "You like that?"

"Yes." I managed to get out. I opened my mouth and took the head in. It was salty and tasted a little rough. He had been out all night so I wasn't shocked. Slowly, I began to work him. He put his hands on my head. I became aware of the wetness on my knees. The idea that I might be kneeling in piss only turned me on. I continued to work on his cock. Letting my spit build up and flow over his cock.
"Damn, ma." He said, moaning as he did so. Encouraged I pulled him out and went to work on his balls. He was hard now, and there was no way I could deep throat him unless he forced it.

I pulled away. "Do you want to fuck?" I asked.

"Fuck yes."

I stood and pulled my yoga pants down. I bent over the sink and buried my head in his jacket, I inhaled his sent. His cologne and natural smell. Weed and alcohol. I felt his cock. I reached back and moved the head to my asshole.

"Oh yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah."

He began to push in and I began to push out. With a lunge, he was in. The searing pain brought wetness to my pussy. I kept thinking about what a whore I was, getting fucked in a gas station bathroom. Ass fucked. He penetrated deep into me. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, or fuck." I said over and over again into his jacket. I thought for sure the clerk could hear. He continued to sodomize me. He wasn't quite able to get balls deep. He would get close but the pain was unbearable. I stuck my hand out to push back, showing him where my limit was. Witch a quick swipe he slapped my hand away. The sudden violence caused me to look up out of the jacket and into the mirror. He was staring at me with a burning anger. On his next stroke he pushed as far in as he could. His violation of my will only turned me on more. The stabbing pain in my ass was overridden by my desire to be taken, to have my will removed, and replaced by his angry lust. In hindsight, it was suiting that this was happening in a bathroom, my first rape was also in one, albeit in a house.

"N-no..please." I felt my mouth whisper, even though my pussy was screaming for more. He grabbed me by my hair and pulled back.

"This what you wanted, right ma?" he said before pushing my head back into the sink. He was balls deep. I could feel his massive weapon buried deep inside me. The pressure and pain it was bringing me. Suddenly, he tensed. He was cumming in me. I felt the heat in me and could feel the pulsing of his cock as it jetted into me. He pulled out of me. My cunt was still aching for release. Slowly I stood. the liquid I felt coming out my ass squished as I stood. Blood or cum. Both? I didnt know.

He grabbed his jacket and turned on the sink. He moved his deflating cock into it. Without thinking, I reached out, and felt the water, splashing it on his dick. I began to wash it. My father used to make me do it, and it was as if I had reverted to that state. I washed my filth and blood and cum off his cock. All the while wanting to take him again. I wanted him in me again.

Wordlessly, he dressed.

I did the same. In a trance I followed him as he left. I saw the clerk. He was watching me. He was younger Hispanic guy. If I had cum, I would have felt shame, but without my orgasm, the emotions were melted in the furnace of my burning need to cum and turned into more hunger. I was disgusting, and I liked it.

We stepped out into the cold night. He moved to his Tesla.

"Hey." I said

He turned. "Sup?"

"Do you live around here?"

"Ya. Why tho?"

I moved to him. "You have no idea what kind of freaky shit I will do if you take me to your place right now."

"Oh yeah?" He said. "Get in."

As we pulled out of the parking lot, I saw my car at the pump, and remembered my phone and purse were still in them. I didn't care. I needed to be destroyed fully by this man, consumed by his lust. I wouldnt be disappointed.

I am here just to spill this out. Life feels so difficult, unfulfilled and i probably suffer from severe depression. The only thing that ever makes me happy is fantasizing about =them=. And that's forbidden, mainly because of bastards who don't love them and abuse them. So fed up by this complicated, contradictory world of hypocrites.

=They=, on the other hand, are so beautifully simple. I want to rest my head in one's little lap, i want to feel safe and loved. To hear their laughter all day long, make them happy in any way i can. I yearn for touch, i yearn for that feeling of being worshiped by someone. Being their hero, their role-model. But deep down i know that, even if opportunity presented itself, i couldn't do anything. It is both blessing and a curse. I am too frightened of messing them up in any way. They are beautiful as they are, not with me. Not with society that brutalizes with condemnation everything they don't understand.
In the end, it is me who idolizes them. And they will eventually pass by me, get older and become as complicated as everyone else. And all that i am left with is regret. But i will never grow old, and my love is pure, even if it is painful and unrequited.

I am about to confess three of my greatest sins. The reason for this is that I need to get it out of my heart. Get some input, maybe someone who understands my situation from one of the two perspectives and can help me to understand myself, or how to be better than my past.

What I've done wasn't right. It never will be! I don't really know why I committed those sins, but I have my guesses and it opens a lot of questions and confusion.

I know that when you read this, my words may hurt you and all you want to do is judge and hate me. You have every right to do that. I get it! I guess, for me this is the dark secret of which almost anybody has one, even though maybe a better one.
At least I hope there are still people out there, who never suffered and never have done anything bad to themselves, or others ...

If you can, please take this seriously, with an open mind. It would be of great help if you could just listen, then tell me what you think. I don't need people to say me I was an asshole and I've done wrong. I have to live with it every day, believe me I know I did wrong and sure as hell won't do anything like that again!

The first sin was when I was about 9 years old:
It was a hot day outside. I drank a lot and needed to go to the toilet. I opened the door expecting an empty room, but was shocked with an incident instead. I saw how my stepfather let my 4 year old sister touch his dick. In the few seconds I saw that i didn't know how to react, nor did I know how to explain the situation to myself. It just looked like she was enjoying touching it and stood directly in front of him. Me still shocked and standing there, was brought back to life when he closed the door.

I don't know why he did it, nor how long, nor how often. But even when I realized this wasn't right, I haven't done anything to stop it. And as if this wasn't bad enough, it was only about to become worse.

I don't know what I thought that day, or what was driving me to do it, but that incident must have let me believe it was OK to do this to her. I probably knew it was sick, but at that time I never had sex-ed, but always was curious about everything I heard, or saw. It got me acting weird out of nowhere ...
About half an hour after that incident I was going to my sister, asking her to show me what she did with her dad and if she would do it on me too. She said yes. Few that I knew about sex, I wanted to try more.
... I want to make this short: We didn't have sex, but sadly, I did try ...

Now she says she forgives me, but I cannot really believe her. I think she is blaming me, and/or her father for taking advantage of her. She was way to young and I should have been old enough to protect her. Also she is my sister after all. It's just wrong to have it done in the first place. But I guess there are times my brain just sat there doing nothing :(

Sin #2:
I was sixteen, had another one of my trips ...
This time I was plain hot. Horny as fuck. Not an explanation, nor an excuse, just a fact. Only person around was another one of my sisters. Haven't done anything to harm her like my other sister and I have never EVER forced neither one of them, but that moment ... I explained her what I knew about sex and ended up licking her pussy, trying to "show her one of the nice things she could do with her boyfriend when she was the right age" ...

PLAIN WRONG!!!

I did those sick things out of nowhere! It was never really me. After the first sin I had a lot of grief and a hard time, already tried to kill myself then, but the second one just messed me up. I couldn't get a hard dick for about 3 years after. Too much thinking, to much regret, too much pain and too much fear to hurt anyone again. If it would have stayed with me being the one messing myself up somehow how could accept it, but doing this to my own flesh and blood, unacceptable!

When I saw this website the first time, it looked like it was just a plain porn site. Like the other ones I tend to visit sometimes when I'm not with a woman, working, with friends, or whatever.

But afterwards I found out that some of the pictures on here I was looking at and jerking to, where actually closeups of young girls. Even nude children sometimes.
I am not a pedophile! I don't like exploiting children and I don't accept there are people that are okay with that and doing it. I never had sexual interest in a child EVER! I like children for what they are: cute little people, naive and innocent. They have to be protected of things like porn and their open and beautiful minds should never be touched with anything else than pure fatherly, or motherly love. War, hate, sex, those are all things a child should have nothing to do with. Kids should be able to be kids as long as they can!

Even when I saw these pictures on this site, I thought I was looking at women. When it was obvious that it was an underage girl I clicked it away and reported it. Also, the normal thing for me is to be more interested in elderly women, or at least from age 18 upwards.
But I guess I have a thing for cameltoes, or bulgy, shaved pussy or whatever, but not because it looks young. I don't want to hurt children and I don't find them sexually interesting. Not even in the closest!

I don't know. When I listen to myself, read these words, I don't know what I should think of myself. I am an extremely sexual person. I love a woman's body, love, her emotions. Rough sex for me is nothing more than a little spanking, a lot of rolling around, taking good grips, anything like that, but nothing that hurts. Doesn't matter if physically, or psychologically, I just don't do it! I'm kind, leave my friends with happiness when I go, I can be trusted, I protect ... I don't see anything wrong with me at whole, nor any sickness I have, other than maybe too much interest in sex !?

And I think maybe that was what was driving me?
Is it just me being horny, loosing my mind?

See, I'm a person of moral. Normally at least.
I would never rape anybody. And I mean that!
Next person I see doing harm to a woman, a man or child, I would beat up and get him locked up forever!

But is that logical?
I am not really a better person, or am I?

... I need someone other than a therapist, or psychologist judging me, or listening. I need women or other men with that kind of history or without, to tell me what they'd think if they met a normal to great person, who would tell them this story about them.

Regarding my sisters: both of them think I am a good brother. They forgave me. We are good with each other and talking about everything.
I just don't want to make it any more difficult for them than I already did. I gave them a bad impression of men and left them with scars in their childhood. Even if they love me, I haven't forgiven myself!
That's what this is all about.

I confess that I miss my swinger-days. Although I consider myself to be a heterosexual, the truth is that I'm officially a heterosexual with plenty of homosexual experiences. None that I would want to be without, even the most painful ones. I loved being a bottom.
In my heyday, you wouldn't find a bigger slut than I. I didn't care about the gender or whatever age they were as long as they were legal. I genuinely didn't care about their day or whether their significant other was blowing their load on my ass or in my ass,
or if I was fucking them.
Sex was my drug of choice and I don't regret literally ANY of my experiences.

But now I feel like I'm going stir crazy from the vanilla fucking and my wife haven't got a clue.
What do I do?
I don't want to divorce my wife as I do love her, but I am seriously considering reconnecting with one of my old friends, as he was a groupie of my ass, his words not mine.