Does anyone have vids to share of horror lesbian porn or lesbian snuff? Its ok if its fake, I just want to see a chick off a chick and roll around in the gore.

So, I have a confession. More of an admission I guess.

I'm not homosexual, maybe I'm bisexual. It's hard to tell, because I've never been with a man. I've always loved women, and I'll never stop wanting them. But lately, I've been thinking about experimenting with being a "bottom".

I guess I should start from the beginning here. The last girl I was with, I guess it was a year or so ago, was the love of my life. I had finally found the girl I wanted to marry, to be with until one of us died. I was happy, and she was EXTREMELY adventurous sexually. Our first night together before we were a couple involved a threesome with her friend. It was actually initiated by her friend actually. That's another tale though.

SO, after we started really dating, things clicked quick, and we fell in love. Love isn't something that I throw around without meaning, she's actually the first of any of the girls I was with that I truly felt it for.

Sex was fantastic. We fucked like rabbits, we fucked in public, in my car, just, wherever, whenever. I STILL to this day dream about the sex. Well, while she would be blowing me, she would always massage around with her other hand, and one day, she went low and started pushing her finger against my asshole.

I never really got into the idea of having my ass fondled, but she was the kind of girl who would convince me to jump off of a cliff. I mean, this girl was heavenly, with a mix of the devil. Natural beauty, un-dyed Raven hair, tits that were out of this world, hell I doubt I'll ever do better.

Anyway, so she starts working around it, and I'm not so much in a panic, but just wondering what I should do. Damn if she didn't figure it out for me, a quick deep throat made me release whatever pucker I had as I felt the ecstasy of her pleasuring, and she worked her finger right in.

She looked at me, and just held her finger in as she stroked my cock with her other hand, and smiled. I smiled too, because, I loved her, in my head I was worried that if I enjoyed it, she might think I was weird.

Well, more and more times during sex, she would work her finger in during a blow job right to the point where she started working her finger in and out. I didn't stop her, because she enjoyed it, and honestly I did too now. It was an extra pleasuring to my already fantastic fucking.

I decided to pay her back with some ass play of my own one day, and I turned her on her belly as I massaged her, working down along the hump of her bottom, spreading her cheeks and working my tongue in. She moaned in joy as I tongued her ass and fingered her clit at the same time. I had never eaten a girl's ass before, but if there was a girl to try it on, it was her. I had fun, she was very clean, as am I, so I wasn't worried about anything "gross". Who am I kidding, I freaked out at first, but in the moment, you just go all in. You know it.

Well, the next night, she decided to PAY me back for her pleasure. She told me to lay on my back, because she wanted to give me a massage. I told her it wasn't a big deal, because massages didnt do it for me. They still really dont. I don't find them too erotic unless I get a bj at the end. Which I never did haha.

She playfully tells me to just do it, so I abide. She starts massaging me, and after a few moments, I realize she started working a lotion around my bottom. Now, I've been told that if I posted a picture of my ass, and hid the fact that I was a dude, I could have men jerking off to it. I've often considered doing it as a joke. Then revealing that the ass belonged to good ol' me. Anyway, back to the story..

She starts rubbing lotion on me, and beckons for me to get up on my knees and elbows. She starts to use the lotion to stroke my dick and balls, and it feels fucking fantastic. I'm wondering to myself, "My god, how can it get any more awesome??!!" When all of a sudden, I feel a warm moistness start to tickle around my cheeks. I tensed up when I felt her breath roll over my ass, a little warm air against my bottom.

Suddenly, she begins licking and rolling her lips around my ass hole as she strokes. I tried my best to not cum, but it was probably the best feeling I've ever had in my entire life. I came BUCKETS. I'm pretty sure I applauded her.

So, some time passes, and one day after lunch on a weekend, she tells me she wants to start using toys. Again, I've never used toys. Never really figured much for them, as I have the perfect toy for a girl right between the legs.

I tell her to get whatever she wants, and we'll try them out. So, a few days later a package from Amazon shows up at our door (we lived together for a bit in a nice rental house) and low and behold, she ordered a vibrating dildo.

I joked with her and said I was sad that she didn't think my dick was up to par anymore and she laughed and said that they were the same size, she just wanted to try a few things. So the night the dildo came, I was eager to see what she had in mind.

She asked me if I'd fuck her in her ass. I'd never had anal sex with a girl before. Don't get me wrong, I tried. My ex some time before her flew off the bed in pain because I was too big. And since then, its never really been anything I thought of doing. The vagina and mouth work just as well.

I said hell yeah, and after careful careful careful amounts of effort, we got it in, and the fuck began. At first it was slow, incredibly slow. Almost to the point where I was just wanting to take it out and fuck her normal. But, as she always did, she surprised me. She started fucking speeding up to the point where it was like I was railing away at her like normal. I still was careful, I'd read too many horror stories.

In all this, I'd forgotten about the dildo. The purple, ugly, veiny didlo. The damn thing sat next to her as I fucked her ass sideways.

Now, I've watched a lot of pornos. And they've been the best education a man could ever need. I grabbed the damn thing, I never held one before, so it was like holding another man's penis. Odd. I decided I was going to double penetrate my girlfriend. I slowed down enough to work it in, and with the satisfactory moan from her, I did my best to maintain a rhythm. Eventually, I handed the rains of ol' Veiny to her and it was epic. She came a lot, I came a lot, and it was a fantastic night.

A few nights later, because I was out of town, I came home to her in a sexy little number and the ol Veiny on the bed. I figured we'd be repeating the night we had earlier in the week, and I was excited. The way she could work a dick, damn I hate the guy who she's with now...

So, we set about it, and she gets the lube out and starts applying it all over the dildo. I kind of had an idea what she was up to. I'm not a moron, and I'm horny like 99% of the time. The other percent I'm sleeping. She asks if she can use it on me.

I stared at her for a while wondering if there was a wrong answer here. I didn't know if it'd be like Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, where I had to "Choose Wisely", or not. I decided, since she and I had been having wild nights, what the hell. We only live once.

Well, haha, it didn't work out. I did not have the anal space for anything like that, and honestly, I was terrified. I could tell she was disappointed, but not completely downtrodden about it. She told me that we'd have to work up to it. I agreed, if only to appease her.

So over the next couple of months, she would use two fingers instead of one, increasing slowly to three, to the point where it almost hurt when she was working her hand in and out.

Well, things didn't work out between us, and we ended up breaking up before ol' Veiny ended up anywhere near my ass. This is where I'm at now, and I can't figure out what's going on in my head.

I've had thoughts about having a dick jammed into my ass, and it subsequently railing it. I mean, not just any dick, a fit, young fellow like myself. Not a beary old dude. I dunno, there's just something about it that turns me on. I dunno if its because I still am drawn back to the passion with my ex, and kind of "finishing" what we set out to do, or what. I mean if that was the case, I'd just stick a dildo up there and call it a day. I think there's more to it than that.

I have what some may say is a sexy penis. Its not ugly or funny looking, its just exactly what its supposed to be. And I think thats the kind of penis I'd hope for haha. I see some of them in porn, and its kind of a turn off. So, I know its not the penis that draws me.

I've thought, maybe just a girl with a strap on? But I dunno, I feel like if I were to go that far, why not have it be a real, pulsing, throbbing cock?

These are questions I ask myself all the time. I know I love women, but maybe I'm not opposed to the idea of an attractive man. Only sexually though. I couldn't have a "relationship", per se. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a supporter of equal rights, politically, sexually, you name it. I'm just not gay in that way. If at all. I think its a sort of bicurious attraction that I'll never fullfill. I dunno. I just had to get it out I suppose. I don't really talk to anyone about my sexual habits, so I figure a sex message board might be the place to do it.

"I'm just a stupid stupid stupid motherless.com user," He said.

When FBI officials raided the house of a man suspected of possessing child pornography, they found him standing over his hard drive having stabbed it to death with a samurai sword... or so he thought.

As far as methods to keep your digital information from falling into the wrong hands, stabbing your hard drive with a samurai sword is definitely a dramatic solution, if not necessarily a practical one. Nonetheless, it was the solution chosen by a man desperate to stop the FBI from seizing his computer as part of a child porn operation… not that it had much effect.

According to the official FBI report, when officials went to question Kamil Mezalka about an estimated 4,000 files of suspected underage pornography connected to his account on a file-sharing network, there was no answer at the door. Following what’s euphemistically called “a mechanical breach of the door,” officers discovered him in his underwear, apparently attempting to remove a two-handed samurai sword he had just plunged into his computer. “More commands were given for Mezalka to drop the samurai sword, all of which Mezalka ignored and refused to obey. Mezalka began to remove the samurai sword from the computer as the law enforcement officers advanced on him in order to secure him and eliminate any potential danger,” wrote the FBI agent in the official report of the event.

Unsurprisingly, Mezalka was quickly overpowered by officials and detained, agreeing to questioning after being offered clothing. He admitted to possession of images of girls aged 13-18, before being shown images from his hard drive – which had, impressively, survived its stabbing pretty much intact – that featured pornographic images of toddlers and invoking the right to counsel.

There are all manner of lessons to learn from this story, not least of which is the fact that the FBI apparently have no problem breaking into your house if they suspect that you really are home even when you don’t answer. More importantly, perhaps, is the lesson that hard drives are just like vampires, zombies or any other kind of undead monster in a horror movie: Just when you think they’re done, they’ll come back to life – even if you run a samurai sword right through the middle of it.

True story on me getting fucked for the first time.

First off I am a guy. Just FYI. Year is 2001. I just turned 18 about two week before. It was the first weekend I could officially get out and do things at 18. Me and my friend David went out on a Friday night. We first bought a pack of cigs and a lottery ticket. Then we went to a strip club. It was pretty awesome. It was full nude and I loved every minute of it. We then decide to go get a porn. So we walked into a porno store. We looked at all the tapes/DVDs. Guys were following us around. I was 18 6'1 160lbs. I now know they wanted a piece of ass. There were booths in the back. Me and david were interested. We walked back there and went to look at the booths. In two booths next to each other there was a hole in the booth. I walked in one and a cock came through. I freaked out "pretended" and we both left.

I knew what it was it was a glory hole. He wanted his cock sucked. Since I was with david i didn't want to seem gay. So we left, and went home. The next day he had to work. I was bored by myself. I could have called some other friends but I wanted to check this out again on my own. So I went back on saturday around 8pm. I brought a few condoms in case i need it. I walked into the store got some change and then walked around a bit. There are a few guys here. Mostly older but there was one about 30 years old. I walked into the booth locked the door and put a dollar in the machine. I began to play with my cock through my ants. The younger 30 guy was looking through the hole at me. He pulled out his cock and started stroking. I could see this through the hole. He put his cock in the hole and pushed it all the way in. Here was a 8 inch cock inches from my face. what else could i do? I took it in my hand and started stroking it. My mouth started to water and my cock got rock hard. I stuck my tongue out and gave the head a flick. He was shaved cut with a big set of balls. i then put it in my mouth a bit and sucked on it. This was my first blow job.

I really wanted to get fucked back. I have never down this. So i put a condom on the cock and slid it down. I pulled down my pants spit on my fingers and worked my hole a bit. I put my ass to the hole. He slide his cock in inch by inch into my ass. then he started pumping away at my ass. faster and faster. He had one last pump and came into the condom.

He pulled out and i could see the cum in the condom. it was awesome. I had to have more cock. I was hooked. I pulled up my pants and walked out of the booth. There were about 4 older guys looking at me. I walked around the store trying to feel them out. One stood out. He was older, He looked like a grandfather from the back. Maybe about 65 or so he had his back to me looking at movies. I walked by him and it was my math teacher Mr Williams. i knew i wanted his cock. I never thought he was this type of guy. He had kids and a wife. I walked by him hoping he would see me. And he did. He looked me dead in the face in horror. I winked at him. And he got the hint. I walked back to the booths. put a dollar in the machine. He walked in and pulled his pants down. He didn't waste time. He stuck his cock through. This was very nice about 7.5 inches but much ticker than the last guy. I started to suck his cock. he started to fuck my mouth. I really wanted him. I took my mouth off his cock and walked out of the booth. He followed suit and walked out of his booth. I went into another booth twice as big with no holes. it was called a buddy booth. there was a bench in this booth. I walked in and left the door open. He came in right behind me. He walked in and shut the door and locked it. He started to un button his pants. I started to pull down mine. i took my pants off and showed him my young boy ass. he started to feel on my ass and touch my cock and balls. I put my knees on the bench and bent over to give him access to my ass. He knew what was happening. I handed him a condom. He rolled it over his cock. I spit on my fingers again and worked my hole to get it lubed up. he put his cock to my hole and slide it all the way in. he started to pump and fill my ass with his cock. He started nice and slow and got faster and faster. i could tell he was about to cum. He did one last thrust and plowed deep in my ass. he came really hard. He whispered in my ear that he has wanted to fuck me for the last 4 years. I told him that we can do it any time if he kept his mouth shut.

We met there every other Saturday for 5 years. I also got an A in his class.

How is that for my first time?

With a flash, that's how it happened. One minute, a sober, law abiding citizen of these United States, the next, a nearly artistic expression of the concept of excess. Sitting here watching a girl in an online video sucking off a guy who's so hung it looks like his cock carries the last, best hope of an entire civilization. The Centaurs, perhaps. This gentleman could very well be the last surviving member of some physically superior, but somehow mentally deficient race. Amply endowed for physical procreation, they lost out to the Sapiens Sapiens only because they couldn't keep a coherent thought in their head.

Like me, now. Abused, like this poor girl's vagina. Taken apart and ravaged by a merciless, self-inflicted, night-long procession of weed, cocaine, beer, and some combination of alkyl nitrites. Time has dilated. This young lady on my screen has clearly been getting systematically destroyed by this man's member for at least a fortnight, yet the little time scroll only indicates an elapsed time of 11 minutes and 42 seconds. Hardly enough time for this much damage to have been done. And worse, oh god worse, is the fact that there appear to be 43 minutes and change left of this horror. I can only assume one thing: anal.

Back to the drugs. They were legion and I took them all on. Impossible to win this particular battle, but I felt it might be... informative. And oh, it was. Lessons have been learned. Where to start? At the beginning, then...

Cocaine is a boring drug when you are alone. There are brief moments (anal achieved, by the way) of bio mechanical thrill, but they are fleeting and increasingly difficult to recreate. More time, by far, is spent in often futile masturbation, consumption of free internet porn, internal debate about whether or not further cocaine consumption would help the situation or just send the whole thing right over the edge into sweating, ceiling-staring regret, wishing to blazes that alcohol actually did anything close to "taking the edge off", and constantly checking your texts, your messages, your email, just to see if anyone has reached out to you.

Much better, to be sure, to engage in social activities with like minds whilst enjoying your cocaine. Said cocaine to be doled out in small, reasonable installments. Surely, company would force some sort of order onto your consumption. A better plan was never hatched. But where to find these people? At this hour? With yourself in this condition? Certainly there are bars open at this hour, but frankly you're not certain you could maintain any sort of composure were you to be exposed to more than two human beings in a go.

The Internet! The Internet, of course, can solve this conundrum. All that needs be done is reach out through the wires to others, fresh others, capable of sympathizing. Capable of engaging - in the proper way. Capable of recognizing in you some humanity, and of not seeing the jabbering junkie you imagine yourself to have become. Surely, someone out there can help you. You can connect on some level with another person.

Just an update, they're venturing into toy/cock double penetrations now. And with still just a little less than half an hour left to go in the clip. I can no longer anticipate what their next coital move will be. No matter. I must get on with writing this screed. I will choose to hope for leather. Or perhaps for a cheerleading squad to burst down the door and engage in a Sapphic pillow fight / tickle fest the likes of which might bring mighty Mount Olympus crumbling down.

Right. The drugs. And... the Internet. Ah yes, I recall my drift now. The search for contact. So into the depths of Craigslist I dove. Only thing for it. The Personals. But to whom to reach out? In which section? To Strictly Platonic, perhaps. But surely those people who are only looking for platonic friendship aren't awake at this hour. It would be like shouting into an empty ballroom. Rants & Raves? Go fuck yourself. I've been in there. It's no place for the drug-addled. You could find yourself swimming around in some neo-fascist's self-confirming, but ultimately faulty, whirlpool of logic. No. Better to stay closer to shore. Casual Encounters it must be.

And Casual Encounters it was. Hours of waiting for an interesting post from someone who was reasonably close and who was looking for something I might have to offer. I offered drugs. And music. And a relaxing environment. But mainly the drugs. Surprisingly few nibbles. Perhaps I came on too strong. I don't recall the exact text now, but my own ad must have been something wonderfully subtle like, "Ski for Blow". It seemed better to wait for someone else to post an ad I felt I could respond to.

More waiting. More drugs. More re-reading and refreshing, hoping something had changed, that something new had come up so that you could skim through it and dismiss it for nearly any reason...

So - fully clothed bait is to much for motherless, but guys bashing some girls head in is fine? Talking about double standards... This is a fucking porn site not some asshole horror movie, learn the fucking difference.

I confess I was looking working at home yesterday whilst connected via VPN to an office where I work two days a week.

Having finished my work I started to plan an escort visit for today. I found an attractive girl offering services I was after and decided to print profile which listed her services and her contact details. I hit print and only when my printer sat there mute did the full horror dawn on me: I had sent the print to the office 70 miles away!

If this was found by a member of staff on the printer's out tray there would be little doubt who sent it: the escort was clearly in my home town. Hardly able to manipulate the mouse in my panic, I clicked to open the printer queue.

Well, it hadn't printed YET. There were four other jobs and mine clearly visible inn the queue to anyone who checked it: 'My Name adultwork.com A4... Printing 30KB'. I had only seconds to try and stop it.

Trembling I clicked on cancel print job. All that happened is the job in the queue changed to 'My Name adultwork.com A4... Deleting 30KB' and ist stayed there. For what felt like several minutes!

I remoted to the print server and tried deleting it from the queue there. No joy. In panic I cancelled everybody else's print jobs. BAD move. Although my incriminating job was in the queue it would have been bad luck if anyone had looked at the queue - there was no particular reason to whilst people's jobs continued to print.

Now everybody's jobs said paused and pretty soon they were going to look at the queue to find out what was going on.

Nothing for it but to stop and restart the spooler on the print server, halting everybody't printing on 6 printers. If caught, this risked being more serious (if that's possible) than printing porn in the office: about ten members of staff were being held up and may lose printjobs that may have been urgent. I did it.

Net stop spooler

Agonising wait

net start spooler

Agonising wait

Refresh print queue

At last, the offending print job had disappeared!

Wait for telephone call or email. Nothing.

Call my boss casually at the end of the day. Friendly chat, no mention of anything. I had got away with it.

Now all I have to do is hack into the print accounting system and delete the offending record. But that's easy: I'm an IT expert who doesn't make elementary mistakes!!

Phew!!!

I confess that I am slightly drunk, so feel like I am going on a rant a bit here, but feel this needs to be said. Some will be relieved or informed by what I will say. Some will feel angered or disparaging about my comments. Either way I am going to say it and probably shrug off the ensuing naysayers tomorrow.

I am female (I know – SHOCK HORROR). More on that I am actually attractive. If you don’t believe me then stop reading. Or just write below the obligatory “fag pretending to be girl” comment. In fairness there are a lot of people posting on here pretending to be girls. I hope you all realise however that women do indeed visit porn sites. I know you all want to think of us as meek, mild and innocent, but we have to learn about sex from somewhere. Plus. As a lot of men fail to understand even the basics of pleasing a woman, we need to get our sexual satisfaction from online. A lot of girls like to know exactly what a guy wants, plus like to tell their own stories and opinions. The pressure on a woman to be good and proper means that the very nature of an anonymous forum that is uninhibited like this site means it will be popular.

As a “moral free zone” community, do not post about how you want to fuck a girl who is clearly too young to understand about sex, or how you have sex with animals, and then look down upon those people who have sex with a person of the same sex. Also, if you are gay, then don’t get so offended by being called a fag or a queer or anything else that these guys can throw at you. You are what you are and you know there isn’t anything wrong with it. Don’t validate their bigotry with a response.

Next is to guys specifically. The old adage that girls like bad guys isn’t true. Be nice to a girl without being too clingy. If you are honest with a girl then you will be happy in a relationship with her. Don’t ever tell her what you think she wants to hear, just be yourself. If you want to go down on a girl then do it, don’t do it because you think it is what she wants, and if you do do it, then at least be vocal and ask the girl what she likes (lick the alphabet if you are unsure of what to do). Another shock horror moment, but if a girl doesn’t protest and you don’t mind, it doesn’t hurt to give the butthole a little attention. The best guys at oral manage to include a little pleasure for the backdoor as well as the front. Don’t rush into sex. A girl takes a lot longer to orgasm, so in order for it not to be a race and to ensure you both cum around the same time make sure she gets a lot of attention during foreplay. Bigger isn’t always better for a man. Trust me 5 or 6 inches is average for a reason. A 4 inch dick that knows what to do is better than a 9 inch that doesn’t. No girl wants to be in pain during it and for a normal girl anything over 7 will be painful without the right prep work. When it comes to anal be patient. If a girl allows you to take her in the ass, then at least have the courtesy to acknowledge it is to please you. Give her time to prepare for it and know that you aren’t ever going to be able to comfortably fuck her at the same speed you jerk off at. If you don’t want to go back to jerking off, then at least have some consideration for her.

This paragraph is pretty personal as it is just about ages. Different women like different ages, I know, but as I prefer an older guy, this is all I can write about. If you are a man in your 40s or your 50s, don’t just ignore a girl at a bar because she is attractive. If she is making the eyes at you all night, she probably wants you to buy her a drink. Also to these guys, just because you get a girl 20 years younger than you, doesn’t mean she instantly wants to call you “Daddy” every time you sleep with each other. Also a lot of girls want to have a guy who is confident. If you are confident, then a girl won’t really mind about your looks too much. Obviously you can’t be the elephant man, but a girl would rather sleep with a guy who is overweight and comfortable with the way he looks than be with an anorexic who is constantly fretting about their body image. Don’t expect a girl to give your cock a suck every day if you are only going down on her once a month. Also understand that, although slightly different, the female mind works into similar ways as a male. Every guy a girl meets she thinks about him in a sexual way, but just because there is a little light flirting between the two of you, doesn’t mean she has made her mind up that she wants to sleep with you.

For the women reading this. If a guy offers to buy you a drink, don’t just say yes for the sake of a free drink. Most guys doing this are trying to get into your panties, so save them their time, money and feelings by being upfront with them straight away. If a guy you have friend zoned obviously fancies you, then don’t continue to flirt with him, let him buy you drinks, hug him every other minute and hold hands with him in between bars. Let him know under no circumstances will you ever see him as boyfriend material, but let him know how much worth he is to you as a friend. Also, if you have a boyfriend, then don’t get jealous if he has a female friend, chances are you flirt with all your male friends, it is just the way things are. If by chance he does cheat on you, then dump his loser ass as he isn’t worth another thought.

I think that is all for my drunken rant. Sorry for my spelling and grammar mistakes, as I am sure I am in no fit state to correct them. Sorry if you feel the need to comment on how I am not a girl, or how I am ugly or even how I can’t spell. I know a lot of you will miss the point of this and just carry on either not getting women or not satisfying them. I hope some of you can actually see this and take something away from it. If you another female who wants to rant about men and sex, then feel free, or if you are a man who thinks they know something about women that pisses them off, then I would be interested to read what you like/dislike. Otherwise I am sorry for what many will perceive as a pointless post, but I need somewhere to blow some hot air.

I'm a 38-year old, bisexual male pervert, pretty well fully developed, run the gamut of doing the sex clubs, the swinging, the BDSM, the occasional streetwalker. And I'm realizing now, the only thing that gets me off anymore is the most degrading, male-dominant porn possible. Not even talking elaborate Japanese rope bondage here - just whatever has the most large things being stuffed into holes that don't fit. More or less, everything Max Hardcore does, although I can do without the clown makeup.

So, the long and short of it is that I trace most of this back to my mom - quite literally. In her bedside table were copies of the "Sleeping Beauty" BDSM novel by Anne Rice, some Anais Nin, and a couple of Nancy Friday's books. I was about in 5th grade when I stumbled across those. And, her vibrator - a tasteless, 70s beige plastic bullet.

I spent many a long afternoon while Mom was at class, laying on her bed and masturbating slowly while flipping through these books. I was quite the good reader, and had no doubt of what was going on, although a few things were hard to picture. Later on, my mom walks in on me trying a couple things out with the neighbor kid my age, and just nervously backs out of the door. Never says a word about it.

There's more like this, leading up to my getting caught peeping on her fucking her husband - a guy 15 years younger. This guy had a tiny cock, which I knew because I also found his penis extender while going through their stuff. This guy was into porn - he got unmarked brown envelopes each month from some porn club. Needless to say a few of them found their way into my stash.

Once in a while they'd rent a porno. The last one I discovered was "Taboo," which I watched mouth gaping. I would have been probably in 8th grade then. Soon after that I was caught outside their door peeping - and again, she just pretended it never happened.

I really want to tell her all this. I want to get all of the repressed things never talked about in the family out on the table, and deal with it. I've spent a while today trolling the local adult classifieds where she lives, which was tremendously exciting. It would be ideal if I could find her online somewhere, or lure her into clicking on some spam, to soften her up.

In the very vivid fantasy I had today, I totally faced envisioning what it would be like to talk to her about it. Send her an email, asking her a few vague questions, and suggest a time we can really talk? Wait until I can see her face to face?

I want it to be on the phone, though, because I don't want her to see me masturbating until I'm ready. I want to start off by asking her about those books. How much had she ever done that was in them? Did she know I spent all that time beating off in her bed?

Right at the end of high school I started fucking a student teacher (former), that was 15 years older than *me*. I wasn't very discrete about it, taking the phone down to the basement on the 50' cord to have phone sex with my older lover, who I dominated out of instinct. She knew and said nothing.

I want to be jacking off while I talk about all this, straining to catch hints of emotion on her voice, guilt, or arousal or horror. To know in that moment that I'm about to really not just push the envelope, but drive my cock right through the fucker, with potentially disastrous and career- and family-ending consequences if I read it wrong.

But right now, I'm so sure I'm not wrong. I've heard how she sounds like when she cums. I've heard her begging in a little girl voice to suck cock. If I go at her where she is vulnerable, I think her tight control will just crack wide open. Absolute truth might be laid bare, and then just sit there and stink. It would be taking a step that to most would put me outside the world of the human, either a beast or a god.

I'm going to keep thinking about this and posting here. More to come.

tmcm