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1
Anonymous
@confessions
05 Jan 2014 10:42AM
• 43 views • 0 attachments
[ − ] thread [ 5 replies ]

i confess i'm an aspiring comedian. critique my jokes please.

-if Jabba the Hutt was a prostitute, he'd be called jabba the slut.


- my gf is crazy, she's always worried and crying that she's coming down with a seious terminal illness. one day she asks me Babe do me a favor and take me to my doctor's appointment, i'm testing for breast cancer. and i said HONEY dont you know you have a better chance of being struck by lightning


than me doing you a favor?


- my ex-gf broke up with me because i liked to show off the pics she sent me. the straw that broke the camel's back was when i accidentally forwarded the pics to both my parents. my mom was mortified. i said MOM i am absolutely ashamed and very sorry. you weren't supposed to see that.


i meant to send it only to dad.

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Anonymous
@funny
14 Oct 2012 12:19PM
• 387 views • 0 attachments
[ − ] thread [ 1 reply ]

everyone laughed at me when i said i wanted to become a comedian. well, they're not laughing now!

*ba-dum-tooshh*

thanks i'll be here next weekend, dont forget to tip ya waiters.

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-1
Anonymous
@soapbox
14 Oct 2012 6:33PM
• 107 views • 0 attachments
[ − ] thread [ 2 replies ]

While I comment mostly on politics here, there is a PBS program that I'd like to discuss that I believe deserves mention for its stellar presentation, and narration;

The Pioneers of Television

I have a tremendous respect and admiration, nay a soft spot, for the generations that have come before me. One of the generations I admire most is, The Greatest Generation. These people grew up in an America, and also a Germany, an England, an India, a Brazil, very different from the ones that we know today. As an American, I'll speak from what I know of in my own country. Many of The Greatest Generation grew up as what we would consider today as abysmally poor. A good deal of them grew up in homes without electricity, much less any other modern convenience.

When their country called on them during WWII, they not only willingly left their homes & everything they knew, many for the first time, but did so patriotically even going to fight for the freedoms of other countries like France, Holland, England, The Phillippines, and etc. Many of these brave men still lie in graves scattered all around the world. The wives and girlfriends worked tirelessly in munitions and airplane factories to support their country. When they came home with their battle scars, they and their wives made families and set about, without complaint, to built the most free and prosperous country the world had ever known. They saw to it that they and their neighbors were clothed and fed. They built and housed their families in the best housing they could afford. They brought us arguably the most fantastically styled cars in history during the 1950's. Art, culture and education exploided with The Greatest Generation. They dressed with pride and treated one another respectfully. And all of this was done through hard work, sheer grit & determination, and rugged individualism.

When television first began in the last 1940's, no one, including the fledgling televison industry, knew quite what it should be. I know in todays world of laptops, iPhones, & tablets that seems amazing. Many of the first t.v. shows were current/ events / news shows, or the comedy of successful, well established Vaudeville & radio acts bringing their routines to the small screen. Shortly after this, the idea of playing games on t.v. for the viewer to watch was given a try. To gain viewer interest, producers gave prizes away to contestants, &/or they showed known celebrities playing the game as with one of the first t.v. game shows, "What's My Line?".

For me, seeing well established old time Vaudevillians like Jack Benny, Bob Hope, Milton "Uncle Milty" Berle, Jackie Gleason, & Red Skelton working their hearts out to make people laugh on live t.v. is still some of the best television ever! And it was ALL live! If a performer screwed up....guess what?... it was seen by thousands, & sometimes millions of people. My favorite all time television moment happened late one night, long before I was even born. A young comedian took a chance and decided to host a show that came on late at night when all the other stations where off the air, showing test patterns. The show was called "Tonight!" on the National Broadcasting Network (NBC). The young comedian was the late, Steve Allen. It was a big risk, because who knew if hard working Americans in the late 1950's would stay up to watch t.v. that late at night? In those days of live t.v., most of the shows had monitors off camera, so that the performer could see what the viewer was seeing, and could then make any adjustments to the performance that might be needed. As he began his routine, Mr. Allen glanced into the live monitor and got a glimpse of how ridiculous he looked. This single item became the downfall of the segment for Steve Allen, and gave us one of the singularly most hilarious moments in television history! I've seen this probably 100 times, & it still makes me laugh so hard that it brings me to tears:

youtube.com/watch?v=YaNxy4wDv1k

For me, old t.v. shows, old movies, & books are like a time machine into our shared past. With life as busy as it is today, it's sort of like we're all living in a fog. What these programs & movies do for us is they give us a "magic sword". We're able to take that sword, cut through the fog of modern life, and have a clear view, almost magically of what came before us, like a window. In Jan. 2013 PBS will be replaying these epic shows. So folks I encourage you to stop, take a moment and make yourself some popcorn, and sit down with me to enjoy and revel in the history of The Greatest Generation & the wonderment of,

The Pioneers Of Television

-redrocker

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-2
Anonymous
@requests
26 Nov 2017 1:55PM
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[ − ] thread [ 3 replies ]

A question regarding LGBT community designation. This is a serious inquiry, so would the comedians please sit this one out. My question is, why are L and G considered separate? Other than male and female, what's the difference? Why is it not GBT, or HBT? I can't imagine why this question would offend anyone, but these days you never know. So sorry if it does, not my intent. I would still like a serious answer. Thank you in advance.

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-2
oliverclothesof
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@random
26 Jan 2020 12:00AM
• 301 views • 0 attachments
[ − ] thread [ 4 replies ]

Comedian Harland Williams once said that ''your elbow meat is the same consistency as an 80 year old woman's nipple''. For the record no it doesn't.

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4
Anonymous
@chicks
01 Sep 2018 10:29AM
• 0 views • 7 attachments
[ − ] thread [ 8 replies ]

German Comedian Carolin Kebekus.
She is such a hot whore i tihink and her feet are very hot. I live that she wearing pantyhose often, so i think she know that man like her in that dress.
Wish i can fuck her and cum on her nylon feet!!!

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Anonymous
@confessions
17 Sep 2012 8:38PM
• 268 views • 0 attachments
[ − ] thread [ 8 replies ]

oh my fudking god im fucking sick of katt williams kevin hart daniell tosh and the stupid ass broken lizard movies on Comedy central 27/4 all the time!!! goddamnit CANT They play something else for once fuck manthis is fucking ridiculous. theres plenty of other comedians on earth that are worth laughing to for fucks sake. i swear to god if i ever met the pussy in charge of that station, i'd put ONE RIGHT BETWEEN EYES.

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-2
Anonymous
@confessions
30 Nov 2013 3:18AM
• 17 views • 0 attachments
[ − ] thread [ 1 reply ]

I confess I have a big problem,

I'm a moderately good looking 28yo man, I'm an outgoing entertainer (Stand-Up Comedian, Actor, & Singer) I don't have a problem getting women, keeping them is another story.

I have bi-polar disorder & ADHD I'm very stable but my thoughts are always set on hyper-drive. Because of this and my level of testosterone I have a very high sex drive.

I am a voyeur & a exhibitionist also very sexually open minded. I have fantasies of watching my woman fuck other men and women. I don't know if it's just the conservative mid west where I live but I have trouble meeting freaky ass women like this.

I'm not looking for sluts there are plenty of those but they're mostly in denial and won't do crazy fun stuff.

Any ideas how I can meet these kind of women?

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-4
Anonymous
@soapbox
07 Sep 2016 12:40PM
• 550 views • 1 attachment
[ − ] thread [ 9 replies ]

Election time in two months. The worst candidates since Ford/Carter.

Clinton is an egotistical bitch that lies and who can think of nothing but herself.
Trump is a bloviating buffoon who's best job would be a standup comedian.

If I can, I will write in Bernie Sanders.
If not, I will vote Libertarian.

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-1
Anonymous
@funny
17 Dec 2018 4:26AM
• 0 views • 3 attachments
[ − ] thread [ 4 replies ]

THE ARISTOCRATS dirtiest joke ever. Bob saget 🎥 video. Bob Saget is the absolute dirtiest comedian ever. Aristocrats are upper class, uncommon ruling, and often know as the best bread of people.

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Anonymous
@confessions
28 Apr 2012 5:53AM
• 849 views • 0 attachments
[ − ] thread [ 10 replies ]

I confess that I think this comedian named Byron Allen is the dumbest nigger that thinks he's funny but he's not. And i dont usually call niggers "niggers" but this dumb nigger made me want to throw all these niggers under the bus.

p.s.

now all you pussies can start crying "omg you racists are SO uneducated and ignorant" while squirming on your butt plug.

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Fappinit
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@confessions
03 Mar 2025 9:45AM
• 51 views • 1 attachment
[ − ] thread [ 2 replies ]

She went from one of my fav comedians to one of my fav cumedians🥵🥵

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