Im over it. I hate this stupid cunt. Yeah we had our problems. I went to rehab. I’m clean and sober now. Doing the work. 252 days. I try really hard. We do our therapy. Together and separate. Physical touch and intimacy are what make me feel safe. That’s what makes me secure. Makes me feel worth and that my marriage is secure and she isn’t looking elsewhere. If we fuck twice a month it’s a lot. Somehow. No matter what the fuck I do. When the day ends and the kids are asleep. There’s ALWAYS something I did or said that doesn’t let her relax enough to give in to the ONE thing that I need. There’s always an excuse. Always a box I failed to check. Despite my valiant and obvious efforts to prioritize the actions she needs to make her feel safe and secure, it just never seems to be enough. It’s like that commercial with the fisherman with a dollar bill on the end of the fishing rod. “You gotta be quicker than that”. I’m like a puppy. If I’m a good boy I get rewarded with sex. But even tho I’m very clearly trying, if I don’t meet the bar, it’s bedtime back to back. So fuck it. I’m done running around like a fuckin idiot servant trying to make my master happy. Don’t get me wrong. It’s what I wanna do. I wanna make her happy and safe and secure. But there doesn’t seem to be any room for compromise on her end. She has this “well you fucked up and right now your wants/needs don’t matter.” So whatever. Enjoy this bitch. Stroke your cock to her. Have your way with her. I’m not waiting around to see if I get my “reward” another day. I’ll find appreciation elsewhere.
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