This is my confession/story of what my life is like struggling with the demon that lies within me. I apologize in advance for the length of the confession/story but I feel I need to get so much of this out and off my chest. I understand that some might be disgusted with this story and my actions, but do know that we all have demons of some sort within us and you can judge me or whatever you want. This is who I am and there is nothing I can do to change that fact.

On the outside I look like I am living the perfect American dream life. I'm in my late 30s, a former jock athlete, happily married to the cute, fit, blonde former college cheerleader who still likes to fuck like its going out of style. Three happy and healthy kids. A great house in the nicest of suburbs my city has to offer (that also comes with a big mortgage, but I digress). A very successful career and all the spoils that come with that including a decent income and reasonable wealth. Lots of friends and weekends spent going to my kids games and recitals, and nights BBQ'ing and drinking with neighbors. Basically the envy of many men and what should be the charmed life.

But there is something that has always been inside me that is missing with that perfect life. It is a demon that needs to be satisfied otherwise it takes over my existence. It doesn't just spring up out of nowhere and grab me. No, it builds over time slowly, sometimes months or a year, with little hints or actions that make me slightly aware that it is still there and there is nothing I can do but give it what it wants. That is the only way to come back down to earth and "normalcy".

The day that the demon decides is the day to force me into action would seem like any other to those around me. I sit in meetings or on calls outwardly actively engaged in what is going on, but my head is somewhere else flooded with thoughts of what is to come by days end. As my afternoon drags on, I start to put the demon's plan into motion. My cock is already rock hard under my desk as the anticipation builds. I call my wife and tell her that a big crisis has come up at work and don't expect me home in time for dinner or even maybe before she goes to bed. She would never suspect a thing as I am a high ranking corporate officer who often needs to work late or weekends. I would never stray from our vows as I am the perfect husband who is sexually satisfied at home...or am I, I really don't know?

6 o'clock rolls around and I wait for everyone else to one-by-one depart the office for the day. After seemingly all have left, I grab the nondescript gym bag that is in the corner coat locker of my office. While anyone else would assume it just contains my gym clothes, the reality is it contains the tools that the demon knows I will need to satisfy his lust. I take my bag and walk to the elevator and down to the lobby. Once in the lobby I bypass the elevators to the garage where my car sits waiting to return me to my suburban dream life, and walk straight out the front doors of my building. I turn left and walk the 2 blocks to the subway station. Instead of getting on the train that could also return me to the suburban utopia with the rest of the suited masses, I instead get on the line that takes me to a part of town that couldn't be more different than my home.

I exit the subway and night has already fallen. The sounds of the city are all around me, but I hear nothing. I have become more like a zombie possessed and oblivious to the outside world. The police and fire sirens and calls of beggars asking for change pass by my ears as if they didn't exist and I head straight to where I need to be. I turn the corner into the side alleyway and there is it, the large, black, heavy, metal door in an unmarked building is all that stands between me and the relief from the demon that I so desperately need. I ring the buzzer and and hear the familiar click that unlocks the door and allows my entry into my sanctuary.

Upon entering, I am now in the sterile 6x6 room with another door straight ahead and a bulletproof looking glass window to my left. Behind it sits a man smoking a cigarette and looking like he'd rather be any place but here. I slide a $20 bill into the little revolving door in the window, looking past the man at the assortment of items for sale on the shelves behind him. On the ledge to my right is a big cardboard box full of condoms under a sign that says to be safe and and take as many as you need. No worries I say to myself, my bag contains all of what the demon needs. The man puts a plain white towel and a locker key into the revolving door and spins it around in my direction. I grab them hurriedly and move towards the second door which again unlocks with that familiar click as I push my way through.

Now inside the inner sanctum of the demon, I enter into the locker room. Several others are milling around and faint grunts and noise can be heard in the distance. I find my assigned locker and open it up. I disrobe from the constraints of my corporate attire and wrap the towel that barely reaches all the way around my muscular build around my waist. I open my gym bag and pull out my old gym flip flops and the smaller toiletry bag that contains my tools...a bottle of Wet lube and various condoms including several magnums just in case. I slide the flops on my feet, close and lock my locker, place the key in my small little toiletry bag and head to the shower room a few feet away.

I enter the showers and there are a few men in there. It seems as though all eyes are on my as I walked up to a showerhead. I place my bag and towel on the hook and turn on the water feeling a rush of heat pour over my body. In the corner a man is leaning against the wall while another man is on his knees servicing his cock. Another guy is standing under his showerhead stroking as he watches. I hit the lever on the soap dispenser and begin to soap up my body, paying particular attention to my cock and asshole. I turn and see two other guys embracing, stroking each other and passionately kissing as one looks over constantly at me. I begin to stroke myself as well as my cock has risen to a mild erection as my other soap covered hand teases and pokes my asshole. Another man enters and takes the showerhead next to me and gives a nod to gauge my interest, but not yet, not the right guy just yet. I turn off my water and pat myself dry with my towel before slinging it over my shoulder, grab my bag and exiting the showers.I walk out the side door of the locker room into a hallway. Again multiple men are mulling around whether naked or with towels around them. As I walk some reach out as if trying to grab my semi-rigid cock, but I keep moving to the big glass door on my right and enter the large steam room. Words are rarely spoken to each other, it is purely signals and actions.

The steam room is like an moving mess of body parts. Men are fucking and sucking in group play that is hard to even describe. There is one handsome younger twink who is on his hands and knees getting fucked from behind while sucking on a large bear's cock. The twink is just the look that the demon likes but he is otherwise occupied. The mass of fucking and sucking is enough to rise my cock to full attention but the steam room is not where the demon wants to be satisfied. I stand in the corner for a minute and stroke myself before heading back out into the hallway. The dimness of the light really only allows for you to see more shapes and figures, not the details of the person you are passing. I continue down the hallway and the sound of the bass pumping music gets louder. Me personally in my everyday life couldn't stand this type of music, but the demon inside me loves it and sort of sways to the beat. As I turn the corner at the end of the hall I enter a maze of small rooms with sterile cots, some of the doors are closed and some with them open where single men wait for their next lover to arrive in various states of pose. Some on their knees, others standing and more lying or sitting on the cots. Some rooms already contain two or more men in a wanton state of lust, sucking and fucking every which way possible. While I get nods and signals from several of the men, I decide to push further and find an empty room to set up shop, which I finally do find a few more doors down.

I enter the room and hang my towel on the wall hook. I place my bag of tools next to the cot and take my position on my knees. Within seconds a man who I would say is about my age is standing at my door. I am not picky for my first cock and I motion for him to enter as he quickly does. Nothing is said as he drops his towel and I reach up grabbing his cock in my hand. I slowly stroke him and then pull him closer and begin to lick his nice mushroom tip. I lick the underside of his cock and then dive right in taking him fully in my mouth. I suck furiously for about 2 minutes before he tenses up and I pull his cock out as he shoots his load all over my chest and the floor. He picks up his towel and turns and walks out.

The demon feels slightly better after being doused with some hot cum, but is nowhere near being satisfied. I sit on the edge of the cot and wait for the next man to catch my interest to look inside my room. As I lean back against the wall and stroke my throbbing cock, several more men stand at the doorway, but I turn my gaze away as none interest me much. Those with the proper etiquette know to then walk on to somewhere else. FInally a younger man, not really a twink, but more a jock like myself in my early twenties stops at my door. I smile and he smiles back and I motion with my head for him to come inside. He sits next to me on the cot and reaches over to grab my cock. I return the favor and grab his nice sized, not to big but just big enough, cock. We stroke each other and begin to kiss. My other hand caresses his nicely built chest. After another few minutes, he pushes me back to laying on the cot and moves his mouth to my hard dick. He begins to suck me off nice and slow, as if he was savoring every little bit of me. It feels so good but I know I need to hold out from cumming or the demon will punish me for sure. He lifts my balls and I instinctively push my ass out and bring my legs up towards my chest. He begins to lick and tongue my asshole, swirling his tongue around before plunging it inside of me then back out again, repeating for quite a while all while slowly stroking my cock with his hand. He moved back to licking the underside of my dick and slowly started pushing his fingers inside me, first one, then two and eventually three. It felt so good to feel that feeling again.I pulled him up to me and raised him to his knees sitting above his chest and took his cock into my mouth. I sucked on his cock for a few minutes before pulling his head down towards me, kissing him and then saying into his ear that I need him inside me now. He nods in agreement and I reach down and grabbed a condom and rolled it out onto his dick. I grabbed some of my lube and drizzled it onto his cock and then squeezed a little into his hand which he instantly reached back and rubbed on my asshole and pushed inside with his fingers. He slid back down my body and pushed my legs back towards my chest and slowly pushed the tip of his cock into me. That initial feeling of pressure and a little pain quickly subsided as my willing hole opened up and took him into me.

He continued to pump himself into me for a few minutes as we took turns stroking my cock. It was just then that I caught the gaze of someone at the doorway and realized it was the young twink from the steam earlier. I smiled at him and ran my hands up and down my current lovers chest to then get his attention and gauge whether he was willing to have someone else join us. He shook his head yes and we both in unison motioned with our nods for the youthful guy to enter. He came over and right away kneeled on the ground next to the cot and took my cock in his mouth. I pulled at him to indicate he should get on the cot and in a 69 position with me. He quickly jumped up and straddled my face and went back to servicing my cock as the other guy continued to fuck my asshole. I lapped at his asshole for a minute doing my best to strain my neck and rim him well then he lifted his ass up higher and his cock popped right into my mouth. We sucked each other off briefly but my straining cock was dying to be inside his young twink ass. I pulled at him to grab his attention and mouthed "I want to be in you" which he nodded in agreement. I reached down and grabbed a condom as he dismounted our 69 position and he turned around to sit on my stomach. We rolled the condom on me and then lubed up my cock and his ass. He then grabbed my cock and slid it with ease into his willing hole probably so easily from being loosened up from the pounding he took in the steam room. The three of us fucked in unison while I stroked the young twinks cock. I think with this action we all knew we would last much longer so we really picked up the pace. I started to feel a swelling in my ass and knew that my first lover was ready to blow. He continue to fuck and I saw him arching back with his eyes closed then felt one last deep push and he filled his condom up with his cum deep inside my hole. This was all I needed to finally release and I shot my load inside of my newest lover in an intense orgasm like I can't even describe. Finally the young twink shot his load, albeit not a huge load, all over my chest. The first guy pulled out of me, grabbed his towel and quickly left the room. The second guy sat on my cock still grinding a little as if to get every last drop out of me.I rubbed his cum into my chest and also rubbed his chest. He leaned down and gave me a little peck, then got up and walked out.

Right then I felt a wave of relief wash over my body. I knew the demon had been satisfied. I grabbed my towel and my small bag and headed rapidly back to the locker room, not making eye contact with any of the shadowy figures along the way. I washed off in the showers paying no mind to the men engaged in various activities around me. I went to my locker, reapplied my corporate wear making myself look just as I had when I walked in. I put my towel in the trash can near the exit of the locker room, walked toward the front entrance room and through the inner door, then dropped my locker key into the slot in the window and exited to the outside world through the heavy metal door to return to my regular life. A feeling of disgust and guilt came over me. Every time I leave I say to myself that maybe this will be the last time, but I know deep down inside, that demon is just laying dormant, waiting for his chance and maybe next month or next year he is going to show himself again and I will need to answer his call. We can try to fight our demons but all too often it is a fight you cannot win.