looking to cyber with a kinky guy ;)

love cleaning dirty assholes with my tongue, getting my stupid face farted on, drinking piss, getting my face slapped, and more! women are stupid worthless sluts. come degrade me!!

send me a message ;)

I picked up a girl much shorter and smaller than me(she's 25 5' and abt 130, I'm 31 5'7" and 200) the other night and while driving around drinking she started rubbing on my cock and told me we had two options.

She said I could take her back home (she lives with her mom) or take her back to my place. Well, with her hand on my cock the only thing I could say was to go back to my place.

We make it back to my place and we have a lot more to drink and finish off a fifth of vodka. Then things started to get hot and heavy and I fuck her tight little pussy, but I'm too drunk and can't cum.

So, the next morning I wake her up by rubbing her pussy from behind and then she comes to horny as hell. I took her missionary, doggy style, and cowgirl fcuking her tight little pussy (the tightest I've ever had). I told her she was tight and she tried to apologize, but I told her it felt good and worked my cock deep in her pussy until I exploded. Then, we took a shower together and I started to get ready for work.

She was all hot and bothered and hell bent on distracting me from work and started rubbing me until I had to drop my pants as I fingered her. She took me deep into her mouth then and gave me the most amazing blow-job that had me cumming in only two to three minutes (I've had a girl suck me for hours that couldn't do that). I told her I was cumming and tried to push her head back, but she grabbed my ass and sucked all my cum into her mouth and swallowed then sighed and rolled over into the pillow. I got dressed and went to work.

When I got home she was still in my bed. She had been drinking, but was groggy and still alert. We went to the living room and sat on the couch and rubbed each other until I couldn't take it anymore and wanted to taste her. I got on the floor in front of the couch and pulled her to me and begin to eat her pussy. I got really into it and as she started to cum she tried to push me away with her feet and hands, but I hooked my arms behind her thighs pulled her in close and rode her orgasm out.

We sat on the couch cuddling for a while and rubbing each other and doing shots. I told her she had a sexy tight little body and beautiful ass that I would love to lick. She gave me a sly grin and wiggled her eyebrows at me seductively and said 'We'll see.'

By this point she is really drunk and stumbles to her feet and grabs my now soft cock and pulls me to my feet. She guides me by the cock into my bedroom where she collapses on the bed face first. I bury my face deep in her ass and lick her pussy from behind and slowly work my tongue from her pussy to her ass. By now she is breathing deeply and I can't tell if she is enjoying it or if she's out.

So, I quit worrying about her pussy and start to lick just her asshole. At first I was careful and slow in case she didn't like it or woke up. But, the more I tongued her ass the more I wanted it and so I started to gently press first my pinky and then eventually my thumb against her brown eye. She would whimper and wriggle a bit, but never said a word.

It was more than I could bear so I spread her ass open as far as I could and pressed my forefinger to her hole. It was tight at first, but I kept licking my finger the way a girl would a cock and pressing it against her ass until it gave.

When my finger first entered her ass she bucked slightly, moaned loudly, and then lay completely still. So, I pulled my finger out and pushed against her hole again. This time it gave way much quicker and I could almost feel her ass try to suck in the tip of my finger.

I pulled my finger out again and set to vigorously licking her ass and pushing my tongue inside of her hole. She would moan and wriggle and then lie still again. So, I sat there staring at her asshole as I spread her cheeks and said how tight her ass was and how much it turned me on.

She didn't say anything so I stuck my finger just inside again and she moaned so I pushed a little deeper, up to the second knuckle this time. She lay still again so I pulled my finger all the way out and then stuck it in all the way as far as it would go. It felt so good that I started to finger fuck her ass, sticking my finger as far as it would go each time and then I worked a second finger in.

She was moaning loudly at this point and my cock was too hard to ignore so I stood up and pressed the tip against her hole. Just then she moaned and rocked back and the head of my dick slipped inside. I just stood there for a moment and then pulled out and pushed my cock back in. She grunted then and let out a little air fart against my dick that nearly made me cum, so I pushed deeper into her ass. From then on she didn't fart, squirm, or moan as I shoved the full length of my cock into her ass.

I slowly fucked her ass for about ten minutes until I couldn't resist anymore and emptied my balls deep into her ass. I then lay down behind her panting and fingered my cum from out of her ass into her pussy. She moaned and bucked against my hand a couple of times but never said a word.

Then, this morning she gets up goes to the bathroom and comes out rubbing her ass. She grins at me sheepishly and asks what happened. I look her body over and say we got fucked up and fucked. She then collapses on the bed in front of me and wriggles her ass up to my cock and puts it between her cheeks and starts to flex her ass muscles against my cock until I cum all over her ass. She then rolls over, grins, and falls asleep...

I confess, I fucked my nephew's wife. We had family members over for a holiday dinner. I had never met her before. It was a quick courtship and marriage. The got married three months after meeting and I had to be out of the country the day of the wedding.

Wow, was I surprised when they showed up. She's a brunette with gorgeous eyes, a sexy smile and curves in all the right places. She's about 5'3" tops. She was wearing jeans and a tight sweater with a V neck. Her breasts filled the sweater and just the right amount of cleavage was showing to be very sexy.

They haven't been married for 6 months and my son told me they are already having problems. Apparently their fights are fierce, his laziness seems to be the issue most of the time. Sad it's happening so soon, their newlyweds in their early 20's.

The alcohol was flowing right from the get-go. My nephew is quite the drinker, so he was hitting the hard stuff right away. She was drinking champagne. When the house filled up, every one was in a festive mood, loud talking, laughing, etc.

Jen and I ended up sitting in chairs in a corner of the living room. We hit it off immediately. The chemistry between us was intoxicating for an old fart like me. The more we talked, the more playful our chatter became. The entire time we're talking, I'm undressing her with my eyes. I'm imagining that she has the cutest nipples, the most perfect skin and the tightest pussy. By the time my wife had dinner ready, I'm thinking I've got to fuck this cute little thing.

Seating at the table was random, so I successfully maneuvered to have Jen sit next to me. Everyone was lit due to the number of drinks that were consumed already, and even more was being pounded during the meal.

Beneath the table, I could feel my foot touch someone else's. I'm tall, so I'm used to that happening and have a conditioned response to pull my feet back when it does. This time, I had a hunch that it might be Jen's foot so I left my foot in that spot. I turn to look at Jen and she winks at me. Yep, that foot was hers. It turned into a rubbing of my leg and the game was on and I have a hardon.

When the meal was over, all the guys left to go outside or downstairs to watch TV. I stayed back to clean off the table and help in the kitchen. Jen stayed behind as well. Eventually, all the women were chatting it up in the kitchen, washing dishes, etc. and I figure there's no more I can do and leave the kitchen to collect any cups and dishes left around the house. Jen follows me.

As we are collecting stuff, we are by ourselves in the living room and Jen says, "You're a very sexy man. I bet you're a great lover." Whoa! I'm not sure what to say. I just stand there looking at her with what had to be a shocked look on my face. She then says, "Oh come on, you want to fuck me, I can tell." "Yes I do.", I reply.

"Then let's do it.", she says. The ladies are busy in the kitchen. All the guys are outside or downstairs. I'm thinking we can get a quicky in, so I give her a nod to follow me into the Master Bedroom bathroom.

She immediately drops to her knees, opens my pants and starts to suck on my already stiff cock. I'm going to cum. She stops, stands up, drops her pants to the floor, turns around, puts her hands on the sink and whispers, "fuck me."

I shove my cock into a soaking wet, crazy tight pussy and start to fuck her hard. I tell her, "I'm going to cum." and she says, "cum in my pussy. Don't pull out." I immediately explode what had to be a huge load.

When I'm done, I back away. She bends over, pull up her pants and says, "Thanks. I'll make Stephen eat that cream pie when we get home." WHAT??

She says, "Don't worry, I make him do it all the time." and walks out and back into the kitchen.

I go into the den and collapse into my chair. I can't believe what just happened.

Hey everyone,

I found a video on here which I can't find any more, it was a short video of an asian girl getting fucked up the ass and she farts and he cums in her ass. I think it was titled as a father/daughter incest video, even though that's hardly ever the case. The camera was at side view perched on a table or something and she had her face on the bed and ass sticking up. I'm dying to see the video again so I appreciate any replies.

I admit that a long time ago I was at the mercy of a horny slut about ten years my senior. When alone with her (twice a week from memory) she would use me as she pleased and would force me to do things to her to help feed her obvious hunger. She would firmly force my head between her legs and get me to lick her partly trimmed cunny up and down, in and out, over and over, and I'd feel her warm drenching gush over my tongue as she'd moan in orgasm. She would also get me to lick her asshole and she'd stretch it apart in my face. Sometimes she'd fart and a few times she'd tell me to put my tongue on her ass as she did. She'd get me to put objects in her ass and pussy. Sometimes she'd bring a cucumber with her probably like a foot long and get me to ram her pussy with that. Once she somehow forced one about halfway into her asshole then made me eat it. My little dick was certainly not the filthy monster it is now but still, she used to suck me off until I'd cum in her mouth. Then she'd spit it into my mouth and tell me to swallow it. She hurt me initially once she began raping my ass. First time I cried in pain but it's crazy, after some constant use my little bumhole got used to spreading for the cucumber she'd slide in. She fucked me so hard and good once I squirted my load as I felt it pushing deep into my anus. Then she made me lick it up. She was a skinny, goth looking dirty thing. Sweet and caring in appearance but once behind closed doors she used me for probably a 12 month period. 

True Story
Be Very Careful What You Get Yourself Into

MY GIRLFRIENDS SECRET DESIRE'S (2)

This is continued from part (1)

My girlfriend is 22 Michelle (Mich) she told me about her desires well more fantasies and one of these fantasies was mine to, she wanted to be Pussy and Anal DP,
She was an Anal virgin till we threw an after pub crawl party back at our home, we thought everyone had gone home, we retired in a state of being very drunk Mich had been slipped a couple of Pills to relax her they certainly worked
we was both completely naked as we got to our bed it was pitch black all but the light coming from the landing hall light.
I finger Mich licking her pussy slipping a few fingers up her pussy and my thumb up her ass then i fucked her ass real good she screamed in pain at first then orgasmed and squirted we made love properly, Mich was riding me i caught a shadow as it came closer i could see it was my closest friend Peter who i had asked advice from about taking Mich's anal virginity and if i should get her Dp he was also best buddies with Mich, he stood there masturbating in the dark before moving behind Mich i pulled Mich down tight on to my chest she never noticed there was another person in the room with us as Peter gently got on the bed and positioned himself rite behind her with one thrust he was fucking her ass as i pussy fucked her, she screamed again more with shock than pain we fucked her with out her knowing it was Peter up her ass fucking her real deep and hard, was almost complete silence just grunts and groans in the air, Peter shot a massive load up Mich's ass i continued pussy fucking her 2-3 mins after in came Mich rolled off me lay by my side, i went fora wee and to see Peter but he was gone no sight of him, he had slipped out gone,

Mich said she had enjoyed me taking her ass virginity it wasn't as bad as her mate made out if fact she love to do again and the DP she had many multi orgasms body shakers She asked when we could do a Dp again and suggested maybe we could do it with our friend Peter she rather it be with someone we knew not a stranger,

Both of our fantasies had been completed, but Mich had a second fantasy she did want to get gangbanged by a group of men didn't matter the size length thickness of there cock, but no black guy's she wasn't racist or anything like that she just didn't want her holes ruined as she had seen a few black guy's cock and they was all really long and thick.
her idea was to work up to them maybe.
I was didn't really want her being gangbang especially in all holes even though thinking about seeing her well fucked and me joining in made me super horny and hard

Anyway back to the story, after Mich suggested we do another DP And wanted Peter to join us, (only if she knew it was Peter who took her ass when doing the first DP,
I was able after a few weeks to track him down its as if he had gone into hiding, i caught him in his local Pub he sore me and was trying to make a quick exit out the side door fortunately for me it was locked,
he had to talk now, we sat having a pint he was embarrassed said sorry for sneaking around and he didn't know what got in him when he banged Mich's ass, came then ran he couldn't face us,
I had to tell him Mich had absolutely no idea it was him, but she wanted to do another DP and she suggested he be the one to join us
Peter's jaw dropped he couldn't believe what i was proposing to him, he thought i would have wanted to kill him not let him fuck my girlfriend again, as i had confided in him and he gave me his advise.

I took him back to our house with me, along the way we picked up some beer's and a few bottles red wine and a bottle of Bacardi with a bottle of coke to put in it for Mich, we got back and was suggested we got a take away and wated a movie, we started watching a chick flic take away arrived, we ate finished watching the film, had a few drinks Mich was in her going out sexy gear, as we was planning on going out, but obviously i bumped into Peter,
we got chatty had a few more drinks Mich sat between us me on one side Peter on the other, Peter said thank god that movie is over was shite, how about watching an online movie, i noticed you have you laptop running through your Tv monitor, Mich handed Peter the mouse and key board, he flicked the laptop on and was searching movies, i noticed he was searching through a porn site, he had typed in mainstream explicit,
he then said this is a good one, Darker Sides of Elise or something like that, we began to watch Mich was putting away the wine was getting very lively, giggling, flirting,
she was snogging me full on French kisses, every now and then turning to give Peter a little snog, as the film went along there was some very risky scenes full on porn, Mich noticed this and was fixed to the screen, she put her hands on both our thighs and could make out she was wriggling i put my hand up her skirt and her panties was getting very moist

Peter turned her head put his hand inside her top under her bra squeezing her tit, and stared to kiss her tongues was going, i had got on the floor parted Mich's legs and pushed her skirt up and pulled her panties to the side and was fingering her moist slit gently tweaking her clit and i began to lick her as i fingered her she was moving her hips, Peter had now unbuttoned her blouse up clipped her front loading bra, her perky nipples was being twisted between his fingers and thumb, i had slipped my trousers and pants down and was slowly masturbating my cock, Mich has gotten Peters cock out and was wanking him slowly,

The movie continued in the back ground, could hear the moans of pleasure through the Tv speakers, Mich was moaning along was now moans in stereo,

Peter broke from kissing and playing squeezing her tits he had gotten out his trousers and pant's completely removed Mich's blouse and bra, she was naked from the waist up, i watched as Mich pushed Peter's T-Shirt over his head making him completely naked bar his socks, she pushed him back so he was side ways on leaning back against the sofa arm, she lowered her head and took his semi, hard precum cock into her mouth teasing the head as she did putting her tongue it his his cum hole he was loving this treatment he was soon hard,
I took Mich's skirt pants of completely showing off her freshly shaven Pussy, i was still eating her pussy now i licked her asshole it made her jump and she accidentally swallowed all Peters cock rite down to his balls making her gag, i licked finger fucked both her holes she was ready for cock mine was semi
MIch stood up straddled Peter guiding his cock up her now extremely soaking wet pussy, she gave out a pleasured sigh as she took all his 7 inches all they way, i got off the floor i watched gently stroking my cock as Mich rode Peter's cock it was a nice sight seeing her riding his cock she slid up and down it with ease and her wetness showed ( I had watched her ride my cock which was a lot thicker and her pussy lips stretched as i went in and out as if they was gripping on to my cock) she took my cock in her hand slowly walked me to the end of the soft she lent over and began eating my cock while riding Peters cock.

soon i was rock solid Mich was riding Peters cock frantically lifting herself till she was nearly all the way off him then quickly slamming her pussy back down as hard as she could every time she hit bottom he was embedded deep up her she let out a small pussy fart releasing air i lent over there pair off them i was just touching her asshole she kind of squirmed, she gave me a look that said no not that hole,
i moved so i was sat on the other arm of the sofa looking at her ass bobbing up and down beautiful sight, she lent on to Peters chest they got into a full on snog he was stroking her hair she was loving it basically purring, i again touched her asshole this time nothing i put a finger then two up inside her ass she took then with out trying to sop me, i moved in for the kill just as i was about to go in her asshole, the little devil inside me shouted no jam your cock in her cunt along side his cock stretch the bitch
I took a firm grip of my 7-8 incher it was really thick, as wide as a 500ml coke bottle,
I pushed the head just inside her, Peter looked around the side of her, then put his arms around her holding her tight to his chest and went back to snogging her, as my head entered her i new she was tight and i knew this would stretch her rite out, but she wants a DP she is about to experience a double pussy fucking, with out a thought for Mich i used her wetness soaking wet pussy and i rammed my cock rite along side Peters going ball's deep OMFG didn't she scream a high pitched squeal followed by get it out you fucking bastard your ripping me open, i just ignored her and kept pumping away slowly at first then i got faster and harder, there was nothing she could do but to except the two cock pounding at her well stretch pussy, she shuddered a dozen times she went completely limp a few times legs was shaking, we both ponded her together i guess in the end my cock banging against Peter's became to much for him i felt him flooding his cum deep in Mich's womb, as he went soft and slipped out i got that devil inside my head again i waited a few deep thrusts Mich's legs began to shake again she fell forwards so i pulled my cock out and my little devil prompted me go deep in her ass while she is limp, as soon as i heard that in my head i was in deep stretching her ass she was so shocked she just gasped for breathe as i was pounding hard in her ass, i had my hand one on either cheek spreading her open, before long i was pile driving in and out her ass was barely wet could see her asshole rose clinging to my cock i was turning her ass inside out,
Wasn't to long before i to flooded deep in her ass,

Peter watched me rape as he slid her cock into Mich's mouth nearly hard her winked at me took his cock out Mich just lay there in disbelief at what i had just done to her, no realising i was just about to pull out and get replaced by Peter she turned her head she got a few muffled words out as Peter slid his cock into her now loosened asshole, he had a smirk on his face as her started to go in and out of her he lent over Mich and muttered in her ear this feels better than the first time i took your ass,
Those words rang loud in her ears she pushed back managing to get on her knees, as Peter cried out wow cowboy,
Mich turned scowling at me, you said it was only you and my vibrator last time you CUNT growling those word out to me,
after she had spat her words at me i went to her and kissed her she responded i massaged her tits which soften her a little, after Peter had come, MIch asked me to lay on the floor she mounted my cock reverse cowgirl she took my cock up her as herself and she rode me as if her life depended it, she rode fast slammed down hard and grown her asshole into my groin i put my had round rubbing her clit, Peter went down lent her back so he could eat her pussy still riding my cock i felt her begin to shake Peter got caught out as she squirted real powerfully straight in his mouth and face, i carried on fucking her Peter pulled away dried his face laughing his cock was hard again he had it in hand ready to insert it in Mich's pussy just as he got the tip in she squirted yet again her whole body shaking, he got in during the flood of squirting we both had a hole each and pounded away
I looked up at the Tv monitor and it looked as if the female main character was about to be raped gangbanged by 4 big cocked white guys
Peter sore it to and said aloud i bet your Mich would love that mate, getting gangbang forced rape by stranger's ,
I heard Mich saying to me you been telling Peter our Fantasies they was secret just between me and you,
I was just about to answer Mich, when i noticed that same smirk on Peters face, the one he had as he told her he had already fucked her ass, i knew what was going through his mind,
i said nothing just carried on fucking her ass as Peter fucked her pussy.

For the next few hours we took turns swapping hole DP her over and over she loved it even did another double pussy DP we spit roast her both of us came in all 3 of her hole she eventually called no more we had defeated her her ass, pussy, and mouth waved the white flag full of cum , gaping hole's, she walked letting air and cum blow out her holes with every step towards our downstairs walk in shower, both me and Peter followed her into the shower we both washed her both kissing her, Peter was still hard i stood behind her i lifted her on to his cock then i pushed my cock into her ass one last time as we showered we did a standing up Ass and Pussy DP then we both pulled our cocks out Mich dropped to her knees taking both cocks in her mouth Peter shot his load very quickly she swallowed all his cum couldn't have been very much, a few seconds after he came i shot deep into her throat i held her head till i stopped cumming i let a big load go nearly choked poor Mich,
After the shower i gave Mich a piggy back ride up the stairs as she was to sore to walk, i lowered her on to our bed gave her a kiss said i go see Peter out get him a taxi,
the taxi arrive a bit reluctantly Peter a bit reluctant got in the taxi to go home, i locked up went back to Mich we had a really nice long cuddle and kiss she held me tight saying who much she appreciated what i had done for her she was satisfied had done Anal and DP loved it but said it wouldn't ever happen again unless it was something we both wanted, i put some cream on her pussy and gentely massaged some into and all around her asshole her rosebud wash out a little i pushed it back in being really really gentle she winced a little
i pulled the quilt over us and we cuddled up and fell asleep in each others arms

Again we didn't see Peter for a few month's this time someone said he had moved away some said he was away with his job others just said he was taking a long holiday.

REMEMBER BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO

Part 3 to follow maybe as last story i will post depending on the reply's and what you think of this 2nd part of her desire fantasy

She loves to sit on your face, with your tongue buried deep in her ass.
But she also farts a lot.
What would you do?

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is a so called actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. Read it all. Do not skip any sections. Do not skip ahead.

Pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

Note: For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off around Halloween. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.

CHILI, TEXAS STYLE !!!
Note from Frank: "Recently, while visiting Texas (I'm from Springfield, IL) I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original judge called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light beer booth, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that even though I was inexperienced as a Chili taster, the chili >wouldn't be all that spicy. Besides, they told me, I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting {censored-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, >sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will >eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. Atleast during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report

I love watching my wife sleep. I love the way she places her head under my arm and digs her forehead in my chest when she faces and cuddles with me. I love how she places my leg in between hers and lands her butt to just touch my groin when we spoon. I love seeing the back of her ears and how close it is to be when we sleep. I love seeing her in her towel after she has taken a bath. I love kissing and smelling her while her body is still warm and steaming. I love how she giggles and pretend to not like it when I drop her towel and touch her boobs. I love how she crinkles her nose when she's mad, I love the cute faces she makes when she's talking to the dog. I love how she smiles and laughs when we talk. I love how her face looks, her a little uneven eyelids, her "just right" lips and her baby cheeks. I love watching her figure when she's in her underwear trying to pick something to wear. I love how she leans over the counter when she prepares food. I love it when she tells me she loves me out of the blue and hold and squeeze my hand. I love her cougar mom body. I love the way she makes "the look" when she wants to have sex later. I love how embarrassed and red she gets when she snorts. I love the way she plays with the pen when she's thinking. I love the way she gets close to me when we're out. I love the way she penguin walks out of the room to fart. I love the way she drifts into space when reading. I love how she open her mouth when she sleeps at the car when we're I'm driving.

Of course I love having sex with my wife too. I love to position ourselves in front of the mirror and watch her cum while I finger her from behind. I love how her tummy spasms hard when she cums. I love how her pussy grips my penis when she says "harder". I love it when she sits reverse cowgirl style and bends over to show me her pussy and asshole after getting a wax. I love when she goes down on me and starts moaning while she blows. I love how she gets off bed, gets a towel, places it at the edge of bed before lying back down with her legs spread out. I love how she says "chow time, enjoy" when I'm about to get down her. I love it when she tries to walk with her legs closed to the bathroom to pee after cumming.

Will add more when I remember more.

I like to take Sharpies into public restrooms and write funny shit inside the stall that I shit in. Like when I get up post slam I might write "TheShitter" on the seat in big letters or I might write "DooDoo goes here" on the tank with an arrow pointing towards the bowl if the comode has a bowl. One time I wrote "fart twice for blowjob" on the door facing the shitter in a Target bathroom, I giggled about that one a good bit. I am also quite fond of taking a big slam in a public restroom, wiping my Ass and leaving the shit paper in the floor of the stall and the turds floating in the crapper. I don't get anything sexual out of this, just a laugh............I guess that I am just an asshole.

I want a girl to sit on my face reverse cowgirl and as I'm eatting her out I want her to fart in my face.

Dunno why but that really gives me a hard on.