With the house all to myself from Thursday through Sunday night, I suggested to Robby (our gang bang guru) that it would be great for him to arrange a fuck session where we could take advantage of an empty house for a change, rather than renting a hotel room for our activities. He came through within the first couple of hours, which just shows what an amazing track record he has of snagging seriously fuckable women.

He'd connected with Jamie via a Craigslist ad. She's 30, 5-5 120, with blonde-highlighted light brown hair and 32B tits. The photo posted here is the one she sent along with her request to meet. Because it was midday Thursday, Robby was only able to arrange a threesome, since the rest of the guys in our over-50 GB group couldn't make it on such short notice. Jamie was apparently OK with that, though, since this was to be her first multi-guy sex encounter and she wasn't too sure how overwhelmed she might be with more participants. And if her claims could be believed, it would prove the first time in more than a month that she'd had any kind of sex at all.

While waiting for them to show up, I gave Robby some shit via text because, after picking Jamie up from her place in North Denver, he had trouble finding my house on the southeast side. He claimed his GPS was all fucked up, but I was more certain it was operator error. Also on the way over, he "warned" me that Jamie was a bit on the skanky side, but I replied that, given our plans for the afternoon, that was a benefit rather than a flaw.

They showed up at my place just before 1:00 p.m., around 20 minutes late. I'd prepared our guest room in advance by stripping the queen-size bed and putting on a new bottom sheet plus clean pillow cases, setting out a brand-new tube of lube, and adjusting the shades so the room wouldn't be quite so bright. Meeting them at the front door, I saw that Jamie was dressed in a pleasantly slutty outfit: Short green cloth jacket over a black lace sleeveless top with a purple bra showing underneath, a denim micro-mini skirt that barely covered her ass, and over-the-knee high-heeled leather boots. She had her hair tied back in a ponytail and spun around after coming through the door so I could apply the green silk scarf I was using as a blindfold. She'd asked for this as one of the conditions of the afternoon's activities, and I was happy to oblige.

Given the lateness of their arrival and the fact Robby had to leave in an hour to pick up his kids from school, we immediately headed upstairs and got down to business. I helped Jamie off with her jacket and unzipped her skirt so she could slip it off. She quickly removed her lacy top and I unhooked her bra. We all agreed she could leave her boots on for the duration. Meanwhile, Robby was stripping down to bare skin, tossing his clothes haphazardly onto the floor in his haste to start in on Jamie. She asked us to leave her undershorts on -- they were leopard-print boy-shorts -- which was fine because they'd been altered by having two carefully placed holes cut out of the crotch. One showed off her smoothly shaved pussy while the other exposed her tight little asshole. I ran my hand down over her buttocks and slipped my middle finger into her tight, wet pussy while removing my clothes at a pace considerably slower than Robby had achieved. He put his hands on her small, firm tits and began to suck on her nipples, which stood up nicely to the attention. She used one of her hands to tug on his fully erect cock - it was hard even before he took off his trousers -- and meanwhile I disengaged so I could remove the rest of my clothes as well.

Robby suggested she lie on her back, which she did, and he stuck his face in between her thighs to taste some of that sweet, sweet pussy. I thought he might be down there a while, but after only about a minute of some serious licking he stood up, pulled her hips closer to the edge of the mattress, and jammed his seven-inch dick into her wet slit. She had her legs up in the air with Robby pressing his hands against the backs of her thighs to keep them there as he pounded her hard. I'd stroked myself from a semi-hard to a fully erect state and climbed onto the bed so she could take my dick in her mouth. By changing my angle of approach, I was able to slide my entire member into her mouth. Of course I'm less than six inches, so it's not a huge challenge, but I could still sense the tip of my cock hit the back of her throat with every downward thrust, which was a great feeling.

After a few minutes of fucking her while standing alongside the bed, Robby suggested it was my turn to squeeze my dick into that pussy. We helped flip her over -- her equilibrium was compromised somewhat by the blindfold -- and I entered her from behind, doggie-style. It had been a couple of months since I'd had sex, so this was a welcome opportunity and I made the most of it, thrusting enthusiastically as Jamie reached down with her right hand and rubbed it briskly across her clit. Meanwhile, Robby had opened up the small bottle of Astroglide he'd brought with him and suggested we DP the girl. She was definitely on board with that idea, so we maneuvered ourselves into position with me on my back and her on top, facing me. She reached down and re-inserted my cock into her pussy and leaned forward so I could suck on her tantalizingly erect nipples. I moved my legs together and Jamie did the same with hers, which allowed Robby to climb aboard and straddle the two of us. He squirted some lube onto his index finger and worked it into Jamie's rear hole, removed it quickly, and leaned forward while pressing his cock's head against her anus. She balanced on one hand above me while reaching back with her other hand and pulling her butt cheek aside to provide him greater access. A deep grunt from her, plus added pressure on my dick inside her pussy, told me he was in her ass. I lay still with my hands on Jamie's hips while Robby did all the work. He pounded her ass with enthusiasm and some deep penetration while she ground my pussy against my lower body. I saw Jamie's chest flushing red and moved my hands from her hips to her tits, tugging insistently on her nipples to match the rhythm the two of them were playing out above me. After a couple of minutes, Jamie let out a big groan and announced she was cumming.

By this point Robby was starting to run out of gas, so he pulled out of her ass and stepped across the hall into the bathroom so he could find a towel for wiping off his dick. Jamie rolled off me and onto her back, but she was clearly far from done. Neither was I -- so I climbed off at the foot of the bed and pulled Jamie toward the edge, pushed her legs up into the air and told her to hold them there (which she did by looping her arms around the backs of her knees), and then I sank my cock into her ass. It was the first time I'd done anal in probably 20 years, and it felt terrific. I was soon pounding her with balls-deep thrusts, and she let go of one leg so she could reach down and mash her fingers against her clit in a rapid-fire manner. Meanwhile, Robby crouched next to her face and stuck his newly cleaned-off dick into her mouth. She sucked him enthusiastically while I fucked her ass; then her butt muscles clenched and she was suddenly in the midst of her second orgasm.

Once it passed I withdrew, especially since my legs were shaky from all the thrusting that I was hardly used to anymore. Robby decided he wanted some more of Jamie's asshole, so we switched positions and he stood at the foot of the bed with his dick inserted all the way into her poop-chute. After about eight or ten thrusts he announced he was ready to cum, so he pulled out and shot a nice thick glob of white goo all over her pussy lips, with some coming to rest on her shorts. I was positioned behind her, with her head cradled in my lap, so I reached down and used two of my fingers to scoop up some of Robby's ejaculate. Then I popped my fingers into Jamie's mouth and she sucked them dry.

By now it was time for Robby to split, but I wasn't quite ready to call it quits and Jamie agreed to let me take her home. As Robby dug around on the floor for his discarded clothes and started to put them on, I finally pulled off Jamie's blindfold -- it was simply too much in the way after all this time -- and convinced her to get on top of me, 69-style. Robby said a quick goodbye, to which Jamie was only able to reply with a muffled grunt, since at that moment she had my entire cock in her mouth. I licked her pussy, sucked on her clit and slipped a finger into her ass, hoping to induce a third orgasm, but she came off my cock long enough to explain we'd made her pretty sore down there, so instead I pulled my face and hands away from her crotch and simply let her do her work. About three minutes into this latest activity I said, "OK, finish me off." Jamie took that as a cue to get me to cum, so she wrapped her hand around the base of my cock, sucked harder on the head, and shortly thereafter I was pumping my jizz down her throat.

She wanted to smoke a cigarette (Marlboro!), so she slipped on her black lace top and I led her toward the deck that's just outside our back door. She also wanted something alcoholic to drink, so I unscrewed the top off a tiny bottle of Barefoot Moscato and poured it into a juice glass. Classy presentation, eh? By now it was nearly 2:30, so rather than begin another fuck session -- we were both pretty sore at this point -- I suggested I drive her home. We got dressed and hit the road. On the way there, we enjoyed an interesting conversation about local politics, the police -- she was on probation for her 2nd DUI, thus a suspended drivers' license and the inability to drive -- and other non-sexual elements. As she exited my car she stuck her head back inside and gave me a warm kiss on the lips. "Tell Robby I'll be in touch again soon, OK? And next time, a couple additional guys would be all right." She'd obviously enjoyed herself!

A gamer friend of mine called me up, he wanted me to go with him to do some live action roleplaying for Halloween. I told him I wasn’t interested, that I was just going to chill at home with my wife. Wife told me to go with him and that she was going to chill with her girlfriend anyway (she’s bisexual). I shrugged. No big deal, it was a pretty boring Halloween so far.
I arrived at my friend’s house and followed him to some rented out warehouse.
“We’re playing Vampire the Masquerade, there are a lot of sexy women here bro, so if I disappear I’m nailing one of them,” he said with a smirk. This peaked my interest, and rightly so. I would come to find out that geeks are more open (or perhaps desperate) for sex than your average person at a bar. It was surreal.
My friend helped me make my character sheet. I had reservations about this, it seemed very silly and immature for a guy of my age to be doing.
“Remember, you’re Bruja – the Anarchist Vampire class,” and he rambled off a bunch of shit that I can’t even fucking remember. Red wine was prevalent. There was a $15 fee to enter but you got a plastic goblet and as much red wine as you wanted. I looked around, women in tight black corsets with milky white cleavage, black lipstick – some fat, some skinny, some voluptuous – all sexy as fuck.
I was dressed all in black, hair slicked back – and had a full goblet of wine. The wine was pretty sweet, I liked it. If I didn’t watch myself I could easily get hammered.
My friend knew people at this event, so he decided to flutter off and do his own thing leaving me to pretty much stand there and do nothing. I didn’t even know where he went off too.
I felt really fucking stupid.
“What do we have here,” a skinny guy said, eyeing me, “a piece of shit bruja out of his cage? Well? Speak when spoken to zealot!”
On his side he was flanked by two very sexy women. One was completely dressed in a black flowing dress while the other wore a red and black corset; a black miniskirt and thigh high fuck me boots. Damn.
“My apologies, I’m new around here. A friend left me to wander around and I can’t seem to find him.”
Well, that was the end of my short life as a vampire it seems. This guy was some super powerful ‘elitist vampire’ and knew I was a total newbie at the game and decided to kill me for experience points. Something I found really funny was the “rock paper scissors” game that determined if you hit the other person or not. Anyway, I lost and I was slaughtered. The girl in the miniskirt frowned, shook her head and then winked at me.
“Out of character: You can create another character,” the guy said as he walked off with the two hot ladies.
I did, I created a new character - but I decided to fill my goblet again and just sit down and do some people watching. A few people wandered up to me and talked to me.
One thing they would say if they wanted to talk normal to you is “Out of character before saying what they had to.”
Across the warehouse I notice a woman pull a tit out and a guy sink his fake vampire teeth into it. Interesting. Two vampire ladies were holding each other close romantically and kissed.
I looked down into my goblet of wine, thinking how much of an asshole my friend was for ditching me.
“Out of character: Are you still dead or did you create a new character?” I heard a soft woman’s voice say.
I looked up, it was the hot woman with the red corset. She had short black hair, pale white skin with dark red lipstick. Her tits were popping out of the corset with a passion, it was definitely too small for her. She was stunning. Her eyes were a cold blue, fake contacts but hot as hell. She smiled at me, showing me her damn near authentic looking fangs.
“Out of character: I made a new character, damn those fangs look real!” I said, blushing a bit because she obviously caught me checking her body out.
“I’m a oral hygienist, I work at a dentist’s office and crafted them myself! A lot of people here get me to make them for them, I charge from $300 to $500 depending on what people want done,” she said looking into my eyes. Then she added, “they’re sharp enough to actually work too. Glad you made a new character, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to play with you!” She laughed.
“Name is Megan,” she said smiling and shook my hand. I told her my name too.
She flicked one of the teeth with her pierced tongue. I wondered what she wanted from me.
She grabbed my hand, “let’s play.”
We walked around for a few hours, she introduced me to different people. My friend was nowhere in sight so I asked Megan about him.
“He’s probably involved in the blood orgy,” she said, “he usually is. I don’t like that aspect of it. I’m kinda shy and like my fucking to be a bit more personal, one on one… you know?” This is when she turned and looked directly into my eyes, it was a ‘fuck the shit out of me’ look and there was no denying it.
What in the actual fuck did I stumble into here? A LARP swingers group??
Her cobalt blue eyes pierced my soul as she looked at me. Holy shit, she wanted me to kiss her. My heart was beating insanely. My mouth met hers, our tongues intertwined. Instinctively I reached for one of her breasts, so soft and perfect. She moaned. She grabbed my hand and led me to ‘her lair’ which was a room (an old office?) that didn’t have any windows and a door that could be locked. She shut the door and lit a candle. Her hands fumbled to unbutton my pants; she pulled my pants and my underwear down and was immediately on her knees taking my dick inside her mouth. The teeth were sharp as fuck. Not going to lie, it hurt.
At that moment, guilt set in but not for me – just because I thought she needed to know that I couldn’t date her because I was a married man. Her mouth moved up and down my shaft, those teeth lightly grazing my cock, she’d bite down a bit sometimes.
“Out of character: I’m married,” I said as I gasped.
She stopped sucking on me, “Same. Here, in this world – you’re dead as am I, relax and let the world of the living slip away.” She gripped my cock and started sucking the tip, and flicked her piercing on the head. I wanted to bust a nut all over her pretty face, but I held off. My hands fingered through her silky black hair, I pulled her up to meet my lips once again. My hand went under her skirt, pushing the thong she wore to one side and I plunged a finger into her wet pussy. She moaned and bit my neck. That would leave a mark. I gripped her breast with my other hand and pulled it out of her corset. She undid her corset and let it fall to the ground, she slid out of her skirt and thong. She was naked all but the fuck me boots, her body was that of a goddess. Perfectly proportioned, I’ve never met a woman that I’ve fucked in real life that measured up to how perfect this woman was. She had a little tuff of black hair above her pussy, her skin was so milky white – it wasn’t makeup, Megan actually didn’t get a lot of sunlight.
She laid down on the ground and spread her legs, inviting me in. I mounted her missionary as she wrapped her legs around my back. Each and every thrust I felt her moving in synch with me, perfect rhythm and timing. Her soft tits were giggling with each thrust as my saliva dripped into her mouth with each kiss and lick. She grabbed me by the neck and pushed me to the side and mounted me. Her tits bounced up and down on my chest. I grabbed her beautiful round ass cheeks and spanked her as she moaned, riding my stiff cock. I grabbed at her full breasts and sucked on her rock hard nipples. I could feel her wetness dripping out of her pussy down my balls. She rode me for a good 20 minutes and suddenly started shaking, bucking and convulsing with one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever witnessed. She screamed with pleasure.
“Holy fuck,” she said, nearly breathless. Megan started bucking on my cock again, “your turn.”
She leaned down and kissed me with her soft red lips, then bit my neck again. I could feel her fake porcelain teeth puncturing my skin and I moaned. Her sharp blood red nails dug into my sides as she tried to hold me even closer. She felt how hard my cock was, and knew I was about to explode.
She looked into my eyes, “it’s okay,” she whispered, “I want your energy inside me,” and that did it for me… WAIT… ENERGY?!? I literally began to ejaculate load after load inside her as she bucked and fucked my cock like a pro. My stiff cock jumped inside her, hot pulsating shots of cum spraying deeper and deeper within her vaginal cavity. I let out a guttural grunt and moan with each and every ejaculation. Her pussy gripped me, like it knew exactly how to make me feel, like it knew how to keep my cock spraying cum for an eternity. I couldn’t stop cumming. Even when she dismounted me, my cock was jumping and cum was still dripping out of it. I can’t remember cumming so hard, ever. Who was this chick??
I felt her mouth take my cock, she cleaned me off. Megan rested her head on my chest.
“I’m in an open marriage in the land of the living,” I said, my body trying to get me to shut down and sleep.
“I’m not, I’m married to an asshole cop who is a drunk,” she whispered, “he fucks other women I’m sure of it.”
“My wife has a girlfriend, she says I can have one too. I mean, I know we just met and we just had sex…”
“I’ll give you my email address, not my phone number. God help you if we fall in love. I’d be that home wrecking bitch all you bastards are afraid of,” she said laughing.
“I won’t leave my wife, but I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you at all.”
We got dressed. We were only fucking for about an hour and people were still about. Megan showed me where the ‘blood orgy’ was taking place, and sure enough there was my friend – passed out with two naked women next to him. I laughed.
Megan looked at me, “what’s so funny?”
“Who would have thought that going to a roleplaying game on Halloween would end in getting laid and witnessing an orgy. You guys know how to party that is for sure.”
I kissed Megan goodnight, she held me tight and told me she didn’t want to let me go. I left my friend Kevin behind to sleep between to naked ladies. What an evening.
I got home and my wife was waiting up for me, “damn, you had fun!“ she said laughing and looking at my neck. “They think they’re real fucking vampires or something?”
“Maybe, but there sure was some real fucking going on,” I said. My wife smelled me, she could smell Megan’s perfume. She reached down the front of my pants and felt my cock, still damp from fucking and smelled her fingers, then licked them “I’d eat her out, she tastes nice,” my wife said kissing me on the lips.
“Yeah, it turns out – geeks have fun after all…”
I really want to date Megan. I don’t have a girlfriend, but Megan… oh Megan, I want more of her.
Not only did I get laid, but there was lesbians and everything under the sun going on at this event. It sparked my intrigue. Best. Halloween. Ever.

My boss & his cousin showed up about 10 minutes after my boyfriend left. My ex-roommate, Amanda had arrived much earlier. Jeff, a photographer that worked with my band, had come over around 9. Amanda & I, sharing a birthday usually tried to make a point of slutting it up for youth's sake. This year, I gave my all to finding appropriate participants for a group sex night. I was nearly sick with anticipation and knew that I'd gotten in over my head. But I'd committed to an evening of all out whoring, regardless of consequence. I started yapping about my trouble at work folding shirts, so Steve offered to show me & I took off my top to use as an example. I then took my shorts off too, so I didn't look ridiculous. Amanda followed, removing her dress. By the time I'd had a couple more shots & they had a beer, the guy I didn't know all that well, Josh asked me if I was ready for his cock. "Yeah, let's go!" I pulled him by his hand all the way to my bedroom. "You want it in your ass?" he asked. "Mmmm... Yes, please." But when I unzipped him and tried to get him into my throat, I knew that just wasn't gonna work. As I licked the length of him, I poured an excessive amount of lube in my hand and down between my ass cheeks trying to prepare for something I was pretty sure I couldn't handle. When I came up for air, I bent over the edge of the bed and said, "have at it!" We tried a couple times, each ending with me screaming bloody murder. The second time made my eyes pour. So, he said it was okay and he was just gonna fuck my slutty little pussy instead. I got on top and rode his cock like a champ. All of my moaning and filthy talk made him cum quick. I sat in front of him then, legs spread and scooped each fingerful into my mouth to show my appreciation. I slipped on my panties and went back to the basement where Amanda had just finished swallowing Steves first load with Jeff watching and taking pictures. I expressed to them how jealous I was at how quickly she'd gotten his cum when it took me an hour, previously. I asked him if he was ready to let me try. "Hell yeah!" he said. I walked upstairs first, behind me he was saying about how he's been wanting to fuck me for so long. Everyday at work he wants me bent over my desk taking his cock. It was very encouraging, and making my wetness drip down my leg as I walked. When we first got to my room, he removed my panties and immediately stuck his mouth to my cunt, simultaneously finger fucking me until I took his whole fist. As he punched up into me, I couldn't stop cumming and squirting all over his arm. My bed got soaked in several spots! Then when I was exhausted, he pushed me onto my belly and began fucking my ass. My pussyhole was already aching from his fist, so his thickness in my ass about killed me. The more I screamed the tighter his hands got around my throat. I was screaming, "no, no, no" but it became "nn...nn...n...". And the less I breathed, the closer I knew he was getting to cumming. When he did, he told me "I'm gonna cum in your whore ass. You better clean it off." So after he finished inside of me, he rolled me onto my back and put his cock into my mouth, all the way up to his balls. And I swirled my tongue around every way I could, cleaning as he'd instructed. On our way back to the basement, I could see down the hall Josh on top of Amanda and hear her pussy swishing. I yelled over, "Make sure you taste him! He tastes like vanilla creamer!" They joined us after a few minutes. The three of us were just talking about ex's and drama stuff. When I stood up to refill my drink, in my drunken haze, I was unsteady & quickly forgetting what I was doing. Jeff's eyes were on me, so I shuffled towards him and leaned against the wall. I focused on his face, best I could, trying to meet his eyes. "Who said you could lean against the wall?" he said calmly - almost sweetly. "Huh?" I said. "Who said you could lean against the wall?" I was confused and gave a look. He repeated with less patience. I stared at him momentarily. Then my eyes darted around the room at the others to see if had shocked them also. They were unaffected. I lowered my head and took a step forward. "Forward," he said. "Get down on your hands and knees." The room was so quiet. I was horrified. I knelt and slowly pushed my hands out in front of me, arching up to give myself better form, though my head hung down to avoid their eyes. Jeff yanked my panties down past my ass. This was in fact the first time he hit me and it took my breathe as the sting echoed through my skin. My arms buckled, but I composed myself enough to stay on my fours. "Go ahead, you take turns. She needs to learn." Amanda went first, she pulled the hair on the back of my head until I stretched far enough for her to kiss me. Then she pulled it again, but backwards as she stood to smack my ass. She seemed practiced at making it sting. Then my boss, Steve. He took a hard crack as soon as he was able. So hard, it forced tears in my eyes. But I remained quiet. Josh's turn came. I could feel guilt in his slap. He was trying to fit in, but it didn't hurt and he was slow to take his turn. Back to Jeff. "How does it feel, slut?" I shook my head and squeaked out, "Good, Sir. Thank you, Sir." "Awww... What's the matter? Does your ass hurt? Are we hurting you? Keep going, everyone. She loves it. Don't you?" I nodded reluctantly. I think they went 3 more similar rounds apiece. Then Jeff got his phone and snapped a couple shots. Then he showed me. "Wow is your ass red! Wanna look, whore?" I nodded. It really was. But it was hurting worse than it looked. Amanda came over and began to make soft rubs to soothe it, but fed me a tit to suck on while she healed me. Jeff cut it short, pushed me back into position and rested his feet on my back. The other guys were laughing. I heard Steve say, "That's how you use a bitch! Fuck yeah, dude!" After a few minutes of being used as a footstool, he instructed Amanda to put her pussy in my face and for me to lick it. He took his boots off of my back. She put her pussy within my reach. I wanted to like it. I always assumed I would be turned in by this and also that I would instinctually know what to do. But tasting my own pussy everyday for so many years... I just felt that hers didn't taste good. He made me eat her pussy for about 10 minutes. As I did, they continued to take turns smacking my ass and calling me names like stupid whore & filthy slut & dumb bitch. Finally, she sat back, releasing me from her thighs. But again she grabbed my hair to kiss me. She turned my face towards Jeff and said, "You need to go fuck him. Right. Now." I stood and walked to the bedroom with Jeff only steps behind, my head hung like a beaten dog but my pussy was wet and dripping. I asked what he wanted me to do, so he said "I'm gonna fuck your ass. Hands and knees on the bed." Quickly, he mounted me and went all the way in. I screamed, but then it went to a whine with each thrust. He wasn't as big as Steve who'd used me not long before. Then he began questioning me about how much did I want him, if I had purposely not worn panties when we were playing so he could see my cunt... Telling me I was his whore now, that he really liked controlling me and so on... Then Amanda came in to say the other guys had to go & she'd be joining us after. I said so long to them between moans. They laughed. After that, Jeff had me flip over on my back and grabbed his camera. He continued to fuck my asshole, but wanted pictures of my hand in my pussy while he did it. He clicked away, and I after asking permission, I came with my fingers inside myself and his cock in my ass. Soon, Amanda joined us. My face was once again shoved into her pussy as he continued to nail me. She must've enjoyed watching it since her pussy juices began to soak my face. Jeff finally, on the verge of cumming, pulled out of me and stuck his cock inside her pussy. "Suck her tits". I was worn out and relieved. It wasn't long before he shot his load all over her belly and I was sure to lick every last drop, though, I did feed some to her on my finger.

Camille came to work with me one day, a few months after we’d met. It was ladder work, which is why she wanted to come. I work alone mostly. And she likes being up on the ladder. I built a business taking care of people’s homes. When people ask me what I do for work, that’s what I tell them, I take care of people’s homes, but the real answer is so much more. On this day with Cam we’d be scraping window trim. But the next day is car transportation to and from the airport. And the day after is finding and fixing a small leak, but most likely replacing the dishwasher, and then repairing the flooring from the damage. Oh, and then I have to pick up clothes from a customer and allocate them elsewhere, but not before rebuilding a screen door and making and installing shelves for a local coffee shop. But on this day we’ll be on ladders scraping window trim. Which is why Cam wanted to come.

Cam stepped out of the bedroom that morning into the hall as I was exiting the bathroom. “How does this look?” She asked me. Referring to the outfit she chose to wear to work that day, she showcased it with an impromptu hallway-width catwalk turn. Unbelievable, I told her. “It’s not too long?” She asked. Referring to her skirt. Seems just right to me. Oh, good! She replied excitedly with a short hop and tail wiggle as she proceeded back into the bedroom to finish ablutions.

Camille is a short girl at five foot even, and very petite. She’s young and pretty with striking blue eyes and shoulder length dirty-blonde hair. But what attracted me to her most was and still is her playfulness. Cam doesn’t tend to take things too seriously, which I’m working on myself. Where I would maybe think far too long about something that simply doesn’t matter, Cam just goes for it and calls me a silly goose. And she’s got this ability to surprise me every time. Less so now as we’ve been together for sometime. But still from time to time she gets me. Like every day really. And to my weaning dismay, tending toward total approval to the point of following suit, ninety percent of the time her playfulness is sexual in nature, or rooted in some sort of sexual connotation. Sexual, kinky, naughty, taboo, and sometimes just downright filthy, she’s one hundred percent comfortable with her body, expressing herself sexually, speaking her mind, and she doesn’t wince easily. She’s a free flowing form of one hundred percent woman. She’s nice, she’s thoughtful, caring, loving, and an overtly naughty sex crazed being. Who wouldn’t love that.

For example: Now this is an extreme case, but it gives insight into who she is. Now let it be known, neither of us have a desire to play in this way, but Cam always jokes around in an attempt to push the boundaries, my buttons, and get me to loosen up more and more. SO we’re walking down the road one day and (Oh, God, I can’t believe I’m telling you this. Okay here goes.) So we’re walking down the road and I noticed some dried dog poop. I grabbed her and said, “Look out for the poop. Don’t step in it.” So she says to me, and I quote, “Dare me to lick it?” I’m like, Good Lord girl, no! “What’s the big deal? It’s just poop.” She told me. Question asked, question answered. - Now I need to tell you before I lose you here, this story is not about poop. I promise you. This is just an indicator into who she is. So Cam proceeds to get on her hands and knees, on the side of a fairly well trafficked road, and egg me on. And to boot, and I guess this is pertinent information, Cam doesn’t exactly believe in wearing underwear. I mean, she will if no other clothing is covering it. At which point she calls it outerwear. But if she’s wearing even the shortest of dresses or skirts, any other accompanying garments are out of the question. So there she is, this young, pretty, sexy thing, bent over on the side of a public road, her ass clearly visible to anyone who happens to pass by, daring me to dare her to lick dog poop. And if I say something such as referring to the fact that someone might see her. Her only reply ever is always in the vein of, let them see, somebody's gotta make the world a better place. It’s not that she wants people to see, or even goes out of her way to ensure that they do. But Cam is just being Cam, and what happens, happens. I aspire to her nature of play and carefreeness, especially when it comes to sex, or simply expressing myself. I’m getting there, and I’m becoming less reserved about it. That’s why I’m writing this. I told her I would.

Oh, good lord, she just came through the room, or pranced through is more like it. Panties on her head, and a bra around her crotch area. “Is this how you wear them, David?” She asked me. Um, no, but getting closer!

So we’re off to work. Now this is a real job with real work that needs to get done. Cam is a hard fucking worker too. Bright, intelligent, intuitive when it comes to getting shit done. What needs doing, where, when, how; all the things. This isn’t just play time. Or I should say, this isn’t solely play time. But as Cam says, most time is an opportunity for play time.

So we get to this house and Cam and I begin setting up for our day. Occasionally people are shuffling by. It’s a friendly town. We wave, they wave, we say hi, and so on. We get the ladders set up, the music going, and all we need is a tarp and some scrapers and we’re off. This is a mountain ski resort town in Colorado, so It’s a beautiful day. And increasingly so, the people in these towns, whether they be tourists or locals, dress more like they are on a beach in Southern California rather than at nine thousand feet. But the weather is conducive, so the attire is, shall we say, nice to look at because there’s less and less of it. Or as Cam points out to me, “she’s hot.” So despite what Cam is wearing, it really draws little to no attention specifically to her. Despite the fact that, “she’s hot too.” If you take notice, you take notice, but a short skirt is par for the course here. So up the ladder she goes.

No panties on, the view from below was, how shall I say this, enjoyable to say the least. And improved my typical workday by severfold. I’m being modest. It was fucking incredible. I’m a grateful guy in general, but this was like, “okay, I’m not sure how I conjured this into my life, but I’ll take it all day long!” She liked it, she knew it, she wanted it, but most of all, she enjoyed that I liked it. And liked it, I did. So much so in fact that I could hardly keep my hand off myself. In fact, the only time I did remove my hand was to take pictures and videos that we looked at together later. I’ll share one with you here.

Now I haven’t told you a story so far, rather, just something that happened. Setting up the scene so to speak. But what would a scene be without a story? I’ve told you about me. I’ve told you about my kinky little girlfriend. But what I haven’t told you might make your head explode. In the best way, of course. At least it made mine. But I’m vanilla, or so I think. I don’t know. You be the judge. But hang tight, it’s about to get good.

So we’d brought two ladders and set both of them up, but Cam insisted I be the ground person. Or that one of us only be on one ladder at a time. Because what I haven’t told you yet is that now it was my turn, and Cam made me wear very revealing shorts to work too. One of the ways we connected when we’d first met was our mutual dislike for wearing underwear. For me, when I was a teenager I stopped wearing briefs because I was chubby, and they were just uncomfortable. I tried boxers but still to this day I don’t know how people wear those things. They’re just so uncomfortable. So since I was fifteen years old - I’m forty-six now - I haven’t worn a pair of underwear one day. And Cam loved that. Easy access to the flopping penis, she tells me, is a wonderful thing for a girl like me.

So although rather uneventful in my estimation, Cam insisted that up the ladder you go, sir. Yes ma’am. So there I was, a dangling participle revealed for her viewing. And viewed, she did, with camera and all. That iPhone has an amazing zoom, she told me. Talk about uncomfortable. Cam would yell things below as people would pass by. “Throw down the hammer, David?!” Oh good lord. “”Hey, yur lookin’ good up there!” And, “David, do you need me to hold anything for you?” And, “Hey David, I think your balls are hanging out!” Some of her comments weren’t designed for cleverness, rather to provoke the passersby and embarrass me. It’s astounding what people don’t notice. I’m on a ladder with my giant old balls hanging from my tiny red shorts one block off of Main St. and no one notices even when she points them out. The irony being you know that if I were doing that and Cam wasn’t there…

I would throw comments up to her too in an attempt to out embarrass her. As if that were possible. I wasn’t quite as good at it though, and all I’d accomplish was to make her laugh. Which was awesome, but not what I was going for. “Hey lady, the moon is out!” Or, “I see you missed a spot!” I don’t even know what that one means. All Cam had to do was reference caulk all day. For me it was a bit more challenging. I either went from not making any sense at all to just embarrassing myself with all I was yelling up to her. “I see your butt!” And queue the disgusted look from the speed walker passing by. “Cam, I’m really not good at this, love!” She was literally crying from laughter at my stupid comments. And luckily she saved me by yelling out to the speed walker. Something to the effect of, “It’s okay, he’s a little retarded, but he’s got a nice penis!” Forgoing the caulk reference completely. The lady’s look turned from one of disdain to a crooked smirk very quickly. But then I got a good one in. “Hey Cam, I see a crack, do you want me to fill it in with my big white caulk?” Okay, when I say a good one, I mean a less retarded one. I know, we’re not supposed to use that word. But I don’t think mentally handicapped people meant, abolish the word completely. They themselves just don’t want to be called retarded. But me? I’ll take a little degradation. It’s fun for sex! And sex we did!

Cam’s skirt, per the way she liked it, would be pulled up high enough to where if you looked closely enough you could see her vagina. I know! Huh, funny. Cam and I are having a back and forth right now. When I type sometimes I speak it out loud. She loves that I’m writing this, but she’s correcting my sexual vernacular as I go. She wants me to call it a see-you-next-tuesday. No, she says. Arg! A cunt! It’s a cunt. Some people have vagina’s. Hers growls! Cam just growled at me. Lol. Anyway! The way she likes to wear her clothes is if someone’s going to notice, then let them. It’s such an interesting thing to witness though. Most people actually don’t. And the ones who do pretend they don’t. She’s not trying to cause anyone alarm or discomfort, and like I said, her attire actually blends in, but she is who she is and she enjoys pushing boundaries in herself. That’s what I love about her. Plus it doesn’t hurt that she’s stunning to look at for me. A very unassuming girl. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not as though she flaunts her vagi…cunt, but if that skirt flops just the right way as a set of eyes just happens upon a glance down there, you’re gonna pussy. She’s now telling me to call it her Baby-Boo. Oh, sorry. My Baby-Boo. Baby-Boo Cunt Muffin Sandwich. I don’t really know what that means but it all checks out to me! Now she’s trying to get in here to type. H afgd sh 78 39n87gdfs

Dear reedr SDg gbhbbkjcvkjbbbd

Good lord. She wants me to tell you what her cunt muffin looks like. Okay, I’m just gonna involve you on all the back and forth that’s going on here. Yes, I will tell them it’s young. Cam is twenty-three years old. We met a year ago. She moved in six months later. She does the dishes naked. She goes to the bathroom with the door open. She pees in the shower. She licks me everywhere. She calls her tits bumps because she says she doesn’t have any. They’re not boobs, they’re bumps. I personally love them. She’s now blushing. Wow, that’s a new one. And, yes, dear, her vagina is that of a seventeen year old hairless Mexican Chihuahua. I think those are two breeds mixed into one. She’s just being silly now. It looks like one of those pumped pussy’s. We watch a lot of porn together. Pumped pussy is actually quite hot. Hers looks like a hotdog bun. She’s telling me to tell you this. I personally think it’s more the length of a hotdog bun, and looks like a shaven pumped pussy. Cunt-Muffin, sorry. Anyway, It’s long and bald and quite puffy. And it jiggles when you smack it. But I’m not kidding, it’s really long. Like all the way from normal clit positioning to her asshole. She’s giggling now. Which brings me back to my point. If Cam bends over in public, game over. There it is. She’s telling me to call it her pussy.

Wait, so your vagina is your cunt and your asshole is your pussy?
Correct.
So what’s your mouth then?
You know what my mouth is!
Oh good lord. Okay, we won’t get into that. She wants me to tell you.
Tell them how you pee-pee in me.
Dear Reader, actually, you know what, this brings me right back to the story.
Yay, she says.
Okay, so.

We’re on the ladder. No, she’s on the ladder. She’s got me flustered now. Cam is on the ladder and she says she’s got to pee. Now I never know what to expect from this girl, but I know, it’s typically never what I thought. Because when I expect a torrent of piss to come flooding down from above, no. Instead what she does is pee into her empty coffee mug on the window ledge and hand it to me. Naturally I say, what now? Whatever you like, dear. What do I like, I wonder. I’m sure she’s wanting me to drink it. And honestly, it didn’t bother me all that much. But what I really wanted to do was shock her. Show her that all is not lost and I am learning to misbehave. So I dipped my cock head in and filled it to the brim. Took a sip and climbed it back to her. Okay, that was hot, she told me. But Cam being Cam, she finished it in several gulps, put the mug down and continued scraping. “You just drank piss,” I told her! To which she responded, It’s hot up here, and kept scraping. That was our first experience drinking from each other, it came out of nowhere, and it got me like nothing ever has before. I was instantly hooked. It was the hottest thing I’d ever seen a woman do. It spoke to me sexually in a way nothing ever had before. It was almost addictive to the point of definitely wanting to explore it more rather than less. And we explored. We are exploring now as I type this. Now it seems all we do is drink each other's piss. Which I gotta tell you, it’s the last thing I thought I’d ever do, (to drink and be drunk from) but the thing I’m enjoying the most. It’s intoxicating in a way I cannot quite sum up in words. Cam says, try it! You’ll like it or you won’t. Cam says make sure you drink lots of water. I agree. Drink lots of water if you’re going to piss in your girlfriend’s mouth, and vice-versa. But we drink so much pee that it’s hardly even sexual anymore. Cam says, “turns me on!” I agree, it turns me on too. But it’s more utilitarian at this point. We spend a ton of time together. That’s not to say we don’t spend time apart, but we’ve learned to love and more so, accept each other as is, so it’s fun. We can just be who we are with each other. And who we are has turned out to be a pee drinking couple, among other things. And we drink a lot of pee. We literally just drink from each other all the time. I don’t use the toilet anymore. And neither does she. We either pee in each other, on each other, in glasses or on ourselves. To which Cam just made slurping noises with her tongue out. Oh Good Lord. Okay I’m getting turned on now.

We share a lot. We’re both artists, we enjoy similar things such as peeing in the shower. I’m joking, not joking. But I think my point is that we enjoy being apart just as much as we enjoy being together. Because we enjoy what we do separately too. So when we come together, it’s from full and enjoyable lives that we love. But pee, right. It’s utilitarian at this point, but no less hot. We just pee anywhere all the time. Sometimes even without provocation or foresite. We’ll just be walking along the road and there’s piss running down Cam’s leg. Or I will pee my shorts while sitting across from her drinking our morning coffee in the garden. But most often we’re drinking it. I’ve drank so much of this girl’s pee I hardly drink anything more. And even when I’m drinking other things, Cam pees in them for me, and I in hers. But I think our favorite is directly in our mouths. And there’s no asking anymore. I got over that months ago. I just pee. No asking, no wishy-washy, just simply pee.

Despite popular belief, when you drink water, pee tastes like water. We’re both healthy, active, relatively fit people. So nothing weird there, like no weird taste or disease or anything like that. It’s just pee! And I like pee. Cam likes it too. Even once, okay now bare with me. We pee’d each other’s clothes. As in, soaked them through. Now even though you might think this is getting weird, or, weird sailed long ago, it’s our thing and we enjoy it. But clothes soaked through, they then hung out to dry until we were ready to wear them out. I think you know where I’m going with this. Yes we wore pissed dry clothes in public. Cam just chuckled to herself. Yes, honey, I know. Cam likes the smell, but I don’t really think it does. Or if it does I guess I like it too. It’s just kind of nice in this crazy world to have a secret in plain site like that. We have friends, jobs, dreams, aspirations, family, all of it. But at the end of the day we enjoy the piss. Cam calls it piss more than me. I say pee. Dick wine. Bladder nectar. She’s giving me these names now. Urethra juice. She’s asking me to tell you what I use her mouth as. I’d argue but…it’s my urinal. Her mouth is my urinal. My colastami sack. My toilet bowl. Okay I’m done now.

So Cam is telling me to tell you other things but I think I’ll save that for another story. I have to admit, this was fun, and cathartic. She’s my catheter, she says. Okay, we’re gonna go now. Cam says please try drinking pee and that it’s good for you to try new things. She’s waving, bye. Okay, until next time. Pee you later! Bye!!! Bye!

Camille came to work with me one day, a few months after we’d met. It was ladder work, which is why she wanted to come. I work alone mostly. And she likes being up on the ladder. I built a business taking care of people’s homes. When people ask me what I do for work, that’s what I tell them, I take care of people’s homes, but the real answer is so much more. On this day with Cam we’d be scraping window trim. But the next day is car transportation to and from the airport. And the day after is finding and fixing a small leak, but most likely replacing the dishwasher, and then repairing the flooring from the damage. Oh, and then I have to pick up clothes from a customer and allocate them elsewhere, but not before rebuilding a screen door and making and installing shelves for a local coffee shop. But on this day we’ll be on ladders scraping window trim. Which is why Cam wanted to come.

Cam stepped out of the bedroom that morning into the hall as I was exiting the bathroom. “How does this look?” She asked me. Referring to the outfit she chose to wear to work that day, she showcased it with an impromptu hallway-width catwalk turn. Unbelievable, I told her. “It’s not too long?” She asked. Referring to her skirt. Seems just right to me. Oh, good! She replied excitedly with a short hop and tail wiggle as she proceeded back into the bedroom to finish ablutions.

Camille is a short girl at five foot even, and very petite. She’s young and pretty with striking blue eyes and shoulder length dirty-blonde hair. But what attracted me to her most was and still is her playfulness. Cam doesn’t tend to take things too seriously, which I’m working on myself. Where I would maybe think far too long about something that simply doesn’t matter, Cam just goes for it and calls me a silly goose. And she’s got this ability to surprise me every time. Less so now as we’ve been together for sometime. But still from time to time she gets me. Like every day really. And to my weaning dismay, tending toward total approval to the point of following suit, ninety percent of the time her playfulness is sexual in nature, or rooted in some sort of sexual connotation. Sexual, kinky, naughty, taboo, and sometimes just downright filthy, she’s one hundred percent comfortable with her body, expressing herself sexually, speaking her mind, and she doesn’t wince easily. She’s a free flowing form of one hundred percent woman. She’s nice, she’s thoughtful, caring, loving, and an overtly naughty sex crazed being. Who wouldn’t love that.

For example: Now this is an extreme case, but it gives insight into who she is. Now let it be known, neither of us have a desire to play in this way, but Cam always jokes around in an attempt to push the boundaries, my buttons, and get me to loosen up more and more. SO we’re walking down the road one day and (Oh, God, I can’t believe I’m telling you this. Okay here goes.) So we’re walking down the road and I noticed some dried dog poop. I grabbed her and said, “Look out for the poop. Don’t step in it.” So she says to me, and I quote, “Dare me to lick it?” I’m like, Good Lord girl, no! “What’s the big deal? It’s just poop.” She told me. Question asked, question answered. - Now I need to tell you before I lose you here, this story is not about poop. I promise you. This is just an indicator into who she is. So Cam proceeds to get on her hands and knees, on the side of a fairly well trafficked road, and egg me on. And to boot, and I guess this is pertinent information, Cam doesn’t exactly believe in wearing underwear. I mean, she will if no other clothing is covering it. At which point she calls it outerwear. But if she’s wearing even the shortest of dresses or skirts, any other accompanying garments are out of the question. So there she is, this young, pretty, sexy thing, bent over on the side of a public road, her ass clearly visible to anyone who happens to pass by, daring me to dare her to lick dog poop. And if I say something such as referring to the fact that someone might see her. Her only reply ever is always in the vein of, let them see, somebody's gotta make the world a better place. It’s not that she wants people to see, or even goes out of her way to ensure that they do. But Cam is just being Cam, and what happens, happens. I aspire to her nature of play and carefreeness, especially when it comes to sex, or simply expressing myself. I’m getting there, and I’m becoming less reserved about it. That’s why I’m writing this. I told her I would.

Oh, good lord, she just came through the room, or pranced through is more like it. Panties on her head, and a bra around her crotch area. “Is this how you wear them, David?” She asked me. Um, no, but getting closer!

So we’re off to work. Now this is a real job with real work that needs to get done. Cam is a hard fucking worker too. Bright, intelligent, intuitive when it comes to getting shit done. What needs doing, where, when, how; all the things. This isn’t just play time. Or I should say, this isn’t solely play time. But as Cam says, most time is an opportunity for play time.

So we get to this house and Cam and I begin setting up for our day. Occasionally people are shuffling by. It’s a friendly town. We wave, they wave, we say hi, and so on. We get the ladders set up, the music going, and all we need is a tarp and some scrapers and we’re off. This is a mountain ski resort town in Colorado, so It’s a beautiful day. And increasingly so, the people in these towns, whether they be tourists or locals, dress more like they are on a beach in Southern California rather than at nine thousand feet. But the weather is conducive, so the attire is, shall we say, nice to look at because there’s less and less of it. Or as Cam points out to me, “she’s hot.” So despite what Cam is wearing, it really draws little to no attention specifically to her. Despite the fact that, “she’s hot too.” If you take notice, you take notice, but a short skirt is par for the course here. So up the ladder she goes.

No panties on, the view from below was, how shall I say this, enjoyable to say the least. And improved my typical workday by severfold. I’m being modest. It was fucking incredible. I’m a grateful guy in general, but this was like, “okay, I’m not sure how I conjured this into my life, but I’ll take it all day long!” She liked it, she knew it, she wanted it, but most of all, she enjoyed that I liked it. And liked it, I did. So much so in fact that I could hardly keep my hand off myself. In fact, the only time I did remove my hand was to take pictures and videos that we looked at together later. I’ll share one with you here.

Now I haven’t told you a story so far, rather, just something that happened. Setting up the scene so to speak. But what would a scene be without a story? I’ve told you about me. I’ve told you about my kinky little girlfriend. But what I haven’t told you might make your head explode. In the best way, of course. At least it made mine. But I’m vanilla, or so I think. I don’t know. You be the judge. But hang tight, it’s about to get good.

So we’d brought two ladders and set both of them up, but Cam insisted I be the ground person. Or that one of us only be on one ladder at a time. Because what I haven’t told you yet is that now it was my turn, and Cam made me wear very revealing shorts to work too. One of the ways we connected when we’d first met was our mutual dislike for wearing underwear. For me, when I was a teenager I stopped wearing briefs because I was chubby, and they were just uncomfortable. I tried boxers but still to this day I don’t know how people wear those things. They’re just so uncomfortable. So since I was fifteen years old - I’m forty-six now - I haven’t worn a pair of underwear one day. And Cam loved that. Easy access to the flopping penis, she tells me, is a wonderful thing for a girl like me.

So although rather uneventful in my estimation, Cam insisted that up the ladder you go, sir. Yes ma’am. So there I was, a dangling participle revealed for her viewing. And viewed, she did, with camera and all. That iPhone has an amazing zoom, she told me. Talk about uncomfortable. Cam would yell things below as people would pass by. “Throw down the hammer, David?!” Oh good lord. “”Hey, yur lookin’ good up there!” And, “David, do you need me to hold anything for you?” And, “Hey David, I think your balls are hanging out!” Some of her comments weren’t designed for cleverness, rather to provoke the passersby and embarrass me. It’s astounding what people don’t notice. I’m on a ladder with my giant old balls hanging from my tiny red shorts one block off of Main St. and no one notices even when she points them out. The irony being you know that if I were doing that and Cam wasn’t there…

I would throw comments up to her too in an attempt to out embarrass her. As if that were possible. I wasn’t quite as good at it though, and all I’d accomplish was to make her laugh. Which was awesome, but not what I was going for. “Hey lady, the moon is out!” Or, “I see you missed a spot!” I don’t even know what that one means. All Cam had to do was reference caulk all day. For me it was a bit more challenging. I either went from not making any sense at all to just embarrassing myself with all I was yelling up to her. “I see your butt!” And queue the disgusted look from the speed walker passing by. “Cam, I’m really not good at this, love!” She was literally crying from laughter at my stupid comments. And luckily she saved me by yelling out to the speed walker. Something to the effect of, “It’s okay, he’s a little retarded, but he’s got a nice penis!” Forgoing the caulk reference completely. The lady’s look turned from one of disdain to a crooked smirk very quickly. But then I got a good one in. “Hey Cam, I see a crack, do you want me to fill it in with my big white caulk?” Okay, when I say a good one, I mean a less retarded one. I know, we’re not supposed to use that word. But I don’t think mentally handicapped people meant, abolish the word completely. They themselves just don’t want to be called retarded. But me? I’ll take a little degradation. It’s fun for sex! And sex we did!

Cam’s skirt, per the way she liked it, would be pulled up high enough to where if you looked closely enough you could see her vagina. I know! Huh, funny. Cam and I are having a back and forth right now. When I type sometimes I speak it out loud. She loves that I’m writing this, but she’s correcting my sexual vernacular as I go. She wants me to call it a see-you-next-tuesday. No, she says. Arg! A cunt! It’s a cunt. Some people have vagina’s. Hers growls! Cam just growled at me. Lol. Anyway! The way she likes to wear her clothes is if someone’s going to notice, then let them. It’s such an interesting thing to witness though. Most people actually don’t. And the ones who do pretend they don’t. She’s not trying to cause anyone alarm or discomfort, and like I said, her attire actually blends in, but she is who she is and she enjoys pushing boundaries in herself. That’s what I love about her. Plus it doesn’t hurt that she’s stunning to look at for me. A very unassuming girl. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not as though she flaunts her vagi…cunt, but if that skirt flops just the right way as a set of eyes just happens upon a glance down there, you’re gonna pussy. She’s now telling me to call it her Baby-Boo. Oh, sorry. My Baby-Boo. Baby-Boo Cunt Muffin Sandwich. I don’t really know what that means but it all checks out to me! Now she’s trying to get in here to type. H afgd sh 78 39n87gdfs

Dear reedr SDg gbhbbkjcvkjbbbd

Good lord. She wants me to tell you what her cunt muffin looks like. Okay, I’m just gonna involve you on all the back and forth that’s going on here. Yes, I will tell them it’s young. Cam is twenty-three years old. We met a year ago. She moved in six months later. She does the dishes naked. She goes to the bathroom with the door open. She pees in the shower. She licks me everywhere. She calls her tits bumps because she says she doesn’t have any. They’re not boobs, they’re bumps. I personally love them. She’s now blushing. Wow, that’s a new one. And, yes, dear, her vagina is that of a seventeen year old hairless Mexican Chihuahua. I think those are two breeds mixed into one. She’s just being silly now. It looks like one of those pumped pussy’s. We watch a lot of porn together. Pumped pussy is actually quite hot. Hers looks like a hotdog bun. She’s telling me to tell you this. I personally think it’s more the length of a hotdog bun, and looks like a shaven pumped pussy. Cunt-Muffin, sorry. Anyway, It’s long and bald and quite puffy. And it jiggles when you smack it. But I’m not kidding, it’s really long. Like all the way from normal clit positioning to her asshole. She’s giggling now. Which brings me back to my point. If Cam bends over in public, game over. There it is. She’s telling me to call it her pussy.

Wait, so your vagina is your cunt and your asshole is your pussy?
Correct.
So what’s your mouth then?
You know what my mouth is!
Oh good lord. Okay, we won’t get into that. She wants me to tell you.
Tell them how you pee-pee in me.
Dear Reader, actually, you know what, this brings me right back to the story.
Yay, she says.
Okay, so.

We’re on the ladder. No, she’s on the ladder. She’s got me flustered now. Cam is on the ladder and she says she’s got to pee. Now I never know what to expect from this girl, but I know, it’s typically never what I thought. Because when I expect a torrent of piss to come flooding down from above, no. Instead what she does is pee into her empty coffee mug on the window ledge and hand it to me. Naturally I say, what now? Whatever you like, dear. What do I like, I wonder. I’m sure she’s wanting me to drink it. And honestly, it didn’t bother me all that much. But what I really wanted to do was shock her. Show her that all is not lost and I am learning to misbehave. So I dipped my cock head in and filled it to the brim. Took a sip and climbed it back to her. Okay, that was hot, she told me. But Cam being Cam, she finished it in several gulps, put the mug down and continued scraping. “You just drank piss,” I told her! To which she responded, It’s hot up here, and kept scraping. That was our first experience drinking from each other, it came out of nowhere, and it got me like nothing ever has before. I was instantly hooked. It was the hottest thing I’d ever seen a woman do. It spoke to me sexually in a way nothing ever had before. It was almost addictive to the point of definitely wanting to explore it more rather than less. And we explored. We are exploring now as I type this. Now it seems all we do is drink each other's piss. Which I gotta tell you, it’s the last thing I thought I’d ever do, (to drink and be drunk from) but the thing I’m enjoying the most. It’s intoxicating in a way I cannot quite sum up in words. Cam says, try it! You’ll like it or you won’t. Cam says make sure you drink lots of water. I agree. Drink lots of water if you’re going to piss in your girlfriend’s mouth, and vice-versa. But we drink so much pee that it’s hardly even sexual anymore. Cam says, “turns me on!” I agree, it turns me on too. But it’s more utilitarian at this point. We spend a ton of time together. That’s not to say we don’t spend time apart, but we’ve learned to love and more so, accept each other as is, so it’s fun. We can just be who we are with each other. And who we are has turned out to be a pee drinking couple, among other things. And we drink a lot of pee. We literally just drink from each other all the time. I don’t use the toilet anymore. And neither does she. We either pee in each other, on each other, in glasses or on ourselves. To which Cam just made slurping noises with her tongue out. Oh Good Lord. Okay I’m getting turned on now.

We share a lot. We’re both artists, we enjoy similar things such as peeing in the shower. I’m joking, not joking. But I think my point is that we enjoy being apart just as much as we enjoy being together. Because we enjoy what we do separately too. So when we come together, it’s from full and enjoyable lives that we love. But pee, right. It’s utilitarian at this point, but no less hot. We just pee anywhere all the time. Sometimes even without provocation or foresite. We’ll just be walking along the road and there’s piss running down Cam’s leg. Or I will pee my shorts while sitting across from her drinking our morning coffee in the garden. But most often we’re drinking it. I’ve drank so much of this girl’s pee I hardly drink anything more. And even when I’m drinking other things, Cam pees in them for me, and I in hers. But I think our favorite is directly in our mouths. And there’s no asking anymore. I got over that months ago. I just pee. No asking, no wishy-washy, just simply pee.

Despite popular belief, when you drink water, pee tastes like water. We’re both healthy, active, relatively fit people. So nothing weird there, like no weird taste or disease or anything like that. It’s just pee! And I like pee. Cam likes it too. Even once, okay now bare with me. We pee’d each other’s clothes. As in, soaked them through. Now even though you might think this is getting weird, or, weird sailed long ago, it’s our thing and we enjoy it. But clothes soaked through, they then hung out to dry until we were ready to wear them out. I think you know where I’m going with this. Yes we wore pissed dry clothes in public. Cam just chuckled to herself. Yes, honey, I know. Cam likes the smell, but I don’t really think it does. Or if it does I guess I like it too. It’s just kind of nice in this crazy world to have a secret in plain site like that. We have friends, jobs, dreams, aspirations, family, all of it. But at the end of the day we enjoy the piss. Cam calls it piss more than me. I say pee. Dick wine. Bladder nectar. She’s giving me these names now. Urethra juice. She’s asking me to tell you what I use her mouth as. I’d argue but…it’s my urinal. Her mouth is my urinal. My colastami sack. My toilet bowl. Okay I’m done now.

So Cam is telling me to tell you other things but I think I’ll save that for another story. I have to admit, this was fun, and cathartic. She’s my catheter, she says. Okay, we’re gonna go now. Cam says please try drinking pee and that it’s good for you to try new things. She’s waving, bye. Okay, until next time. Pee you later! Bye!!! Bye!

Hi guys, long time reader, first time poster.

I confess just the other day I achieved intercourse with a teenager. I wrote out how it happened for your fapping pleasure. Before the trolls arrive, I will not post pics or vids, as I enjoy banging this girl, and will not likely enjoy getting banged by Bubba if I ever got caught. Yes this is a true story.

I have changed our names to protect both of our identities.

***

I had arranged to meet Beth before the group gathering. Tonight is the youth group's Christmas banquet, and she thinks that she's coming in a bit early to get in some photographs.

Well, she is. I told her that I'd like to send some proofs to a modelling agency, and that I need a model to work with. She was flattered and more than willing to comply. Beth is a simple country girl, homeschooled. I asked her once about her schooling, if she learns about biology, physics, math, if her mom is really capable of teaching it. Turns out there's lots that she doesn't get taught.

I really wanted to know how much she knew about sex, and a general sex-education in highschool would include STDs, so I ask her if she's ever heard of chlamydia. She answers, "It's pronounced clematis, and it's a viney plant with white flowers." No sex-ed.

When she arrives, she's wearing a stunning crimson red dress. It hugs her curves. It's strapless, and shows the top of her cleavage, and shows more than half her thighs. The best part of the dress is the zipper up the front--it goes from top to bottom, and there's a zipper head on each end. She's let the heads run a couple of inches from the hem on both ends. She weighs maybe 100 pounds, this dress shows off her perfect legs and ass like nothing else.

Her blonde hair is up in a fancy kind of bun, with long strands dangling down. She isn't wearing any stockings and her legs are smooth and white, and wears a mid-calf-high leather boot, with heals. She's about 5'2" usually, with the boot maybe 5'4". For a 15 year old homeschooler, she has sex appeal down.

"Come right in!" I motion her into the studio I have set up. The studio is in the same building as the banquet, where this youth group meets. She wasn't warned, but I have three high-definition video cameras in the room--one at front, one at side, and one in the opposite corner, close to the ceiling. I intend to revisit this appointment in my mind many times, and the recorded video will help.

"So, today we're going to take a few shots and get them submitted to a modelling studio, to get their feedback on my photography technique. Ready?"

"Sure", she answers with a hesitance, "But what's the video cameras for?" She motions to the obvious cameras.

"Don't pay them any mind, they are for my own purpose. Just ignore them!" I keep cheery and focused, not gonna let this get derailed. I flick on the three high-wattage flood lamps and get some lighting going.

Beth sits on the provided couch. It's a slouchy couch that I selected exactly for that reason. She sits on it and immediately loses balance. Her arms and legs all go out to rebalance, and I get a glimpse of everything wonderful. Perfect "little girl" white cotton panties. And you know damn straight I caught a few clicks, nevermind the video.

"Whew! I almost fell right over!" She wiggles to sit upright. I get her in a few positions: upright, laying on her belly, laying on her back, standing in front of the couch, standing on the couch. A couple of favorites: I got one where she is laying on her belly, and she is facing the camera, head propped up on hands, with elbows to the floor and her knees apart and feet up towards her head. What a glorious view for the camera behind her; on the couch, laying on her back, she has her two hands almost cupping her breasts, pursed lips facing the camera, and her one leg straight and the other upright and bent. God I love her legs.

A couple of times I glimpsed her panties again, and made an "Oops!" kind of sound, so as to play innocent with her. It was obvious that it didn't *really* bother her, and she wasn't ever really embarrassed that it had happened.

Half an hour has passed and I probably have 100 photos, all very excellent. She loves the attention and follows every suggestion.

"Beth, have you ever been tanning?" She's white like my bed linens.

"No, Mom and Dad have me working the greenhouse and I don't get out to go to school, so not really."

"Your skin is very white, can we try something?" She nods. "Come sit on the couch."

I put down the camera and walk up to face her sitting on the couch, and put my hands on her calves just above her boots.

"If we rub your skin a little bit, they'll get a bit of color. Like a little bit red. Are you ticklish?" She shakes her head no.

It was a lie, that her skin should change color. There's no real truth behind it, but it was a lie based on truth: she doesn't like how white her skin is, and I want to touch her. I put my hands on her calf, right above the boot, and drag my fingertips in small circles, over her knee and up to her lower thighs.

She giggles, and doesn't protest. Her skin has changed color though, on her face; she is flushed.

I pull up her chin to look up at me standing in front of her, and do the same to her cheeks, her forehead, her nose, ears and behind the ears. When I got behind her ears, she closed her eyes and leaned in, so I took my time moving on. I tickled her hair, her neck, and moved to her shoulders. "Sit forward", I tell her.

She moves to the front edge of the couch, and I step on the couch to get behind her, then sit behind her with one leg on either side. "Now sit back." Her full weight is leaned against me, and if she knew what a hard-on was, she would feel mine pressed right against her lower back.

I continue massage tickling her shoulders, down her arms, and get back to her neck and ears. She lets out a soft moan and says "That feels really relaxing."

"And it's working too, your skin is changing color." There's no mirror for her to see, so I think she has to take my word for it. "I need to get every inch of your skin, so you're going to have to trust me." She doesn't react, or speak or flinch or anything, so I take my turn.

I casually make continuing tickle circles down her shoulders, to her collarbone, back to her neck, just beyond her collarbone. Her skin is so smooth, and without blemish, and she is totally relaxed and pressing her weight into me. Eventually I reach the hem of her dress, and am massaging her breasts. It's not a fondle or a cupping, but the same tickling. They're so tender, and they almost feel hot to the touch, but that might be in my head.

I continue to tickle up and down her chest, from hem up to neck and ears, and back down again. If she had any reason to be suspicious of foul play, it could be because I would be massaging this part of her body for 10 minutes alone. I even made sure to reach in under her dress a tiny bit, where the zipper head has been let down a bit. And when she didn't protest about that, I let slip in my fingers just under the hem of her dress, right onto her covered breasts. It's tight-fitting, so I don't insist on getting them in, just a bit of foreshadowing for her to think about.

"How are you doing?" I ask her, softly. "Mmmhmm" She responds without words, and I think she slouches a bit. I remember the camera that is facing the couch, and that it probably has a nice view of her crotch right now. OH! Her crotch..

I reach one hand down to her knee, and start massaging there, while the other tickled its way down the front of her dress. Agains she never protests that I ran my hand over her breast, over her belly, pressing in every step of the way. When both of my hands are on her knees, I start to do a drag kind of tickle, straight lines on her thighs, inside, on top, outside. And repeat, each time getting closer to the hem of her dress. Inside her thighs, on top of her thighs, outside of her thighs. Up and down. Repeat.

As I reach the hem of her dress, on my next pass I make a subtle gesture for her to part her legs, I just sort of push her knees a bit outwards. On my next trip up, I am not only inside her thighs, but reaching all the way down to the back of her thighs.

"Beth, do you still trust me?"

"Oh, yes!" She answers almost as a plea. "Put your hands on the back of my head." She reaches around, and clasps her hands on the back of my neck. At the same time I am continuing my upward travel to the hem of her dress, which has no risen because her legs are parted. Very gently, raking my fingers over the insides of her thighs I can feel the warmth that comes from the prize at the end of the road..

Then it happened, my thumbs caught the slightest glance of cotton--her panties. I almost froze it was so unexpected. I mean, I was going there, that's what I wanted, but now that I had arrived I was caught in fear.

"Are you done?" She asks. Her hands are rubbing my head, and she's almost squirming in my hands, as though to try to provoke me to continue.

"Not unless you are", I answer. She relaxes again, and sighs. She wants it.

Now, I pick up her one leg with both hands, and hook it on the outside of my knee. She complies and does her other leg for me. Now spread wide open, she leans her head on my shoulder, and for the first time I notice her breathing--it's quite heavy, she is silently panting.

So I work my way up from her knees, tickling her thighs, knowing that this time I will touch her, and there's no going back.

Every inch closer, she breathes another heavy sigh, I can feel her tensing her whole body, gripping and pulling my hair with her hands. Finally, with my thumbs, I feel the cotton again, and I rake up against it, making circles again.

Then, I hold my hands steady on either side of her panties, just millimetres from her crotch, and, holding my own breath, with my right thumb, gently press into the cotton. At first, light as a feather, and when I'm done, with enough pressure that Beth is squealing. She has never been touched like this.

I start to stroke my thumb up and down the cotton, where her pussy lips divide. It is so hot, and there is considerable friction from how wet she is. Beth is moaning with every exhale.

With the rest of my hands, I grip her under her thighs, right around to her ass, still stroking her very damp panties. She is almost pulling my hair out, writhing in ecstasy, moaning louder with every breath.

I move one hand from her thigh back to her chest, and stroke heavily her chest and neck and ear, and cup her clothed breast. I slow my stroking--I'd like to change pace, but don't want to disappoint her.

Now cupping her vagina and her breast, I just hold her tight, pressing her back against me. Breathing silently, but heavily, she finally speaks.

"Oh my God, Andrew. That is incredible. That feels so good. I don't want you to stop."

"Let's skip the banquet, eh? What do you say?" I have my eyes on the prize, and want to seal the deal. We're only a few rooms away, but nobody knows we're here, and we could stay all night. The banquet starts in about 30 minutes.

"Well.." she pauses. It's clear she wants to go.

"Ok, I tell you what. Let's stay here for a little while longer, go to the banquet, then come back. I promise you won't regret it." Beth is obviously excited.

"Andrew?" She asks. "I want more."

"Let me give it to you then." I slide out from behind her, thankful for a chance to breathe and give my own boner some space. She's now slouching right back against the couch, with her ass on the front edge.

I kneel down in front of her, and reach up her thighs, and under her (now unzipped) dress, grasping both sides of her panties at her waist. She lifts her ass a little and with a quick tug I have them at her ankles, then over her boots.

I look up and see in her full glory: perfect shapely thighs, knees slightly parted, and a perfect, swollen, parted and glistening wet pussy. She has a dirty-blonde patch of hair in a neat little V-shape above her labia, then a perfect hairless stomach.

"If you want to prove to me you're ready for this, then you'll have to leave these behind." The look of shock on her face, as a twirl her panties around my index finger, is priceless. I'm going to make this sweet innocent girl the hottest fuck toy there ever was.

She bites her bottom lip, looks up to a corner of her eye and finally nods to agree.

I can't tell you how precious a sight that is: I am knelt before her, panties in hand, her dress unzipped almost to her naval, legs slightly parted, red and swollen pussy in plain sight, sweat running down her face and hair plastered down, and now this look of mischief, of innocence lost, of lust across her face�

I rub my hands from her knees to her waist, on the outside of her thighs a few times, gradually working inwards. She's now looking into my eyes while I do it, and every time I get closer to her pussy her smile cracks even wider. Just as my hands are about to make contact, she closes her eyes and arches her back, but I stop, lean in, and blow a gentle breeze right over her swollen clitoris.

"OH GOD!" She nearly screams. Her hands reach out and behind her, looking for something to clutch.

The smell is invigorating. She has told me before about how her parents are "all-natural" eaters. She's clearly not on her period or ovulating. Just a clean, salty-sweet scent of lust.

I lay a few gentle kisses on her abdomen, then where her abs and legs meet, then a couple right up inside her thigh�

"Andrew are you going to�" She can't even finish the question.

I kiss her right on the clitoris. Then her labia. Then her pubic hair. My hands are rubbing up and down the inside of her thighs, and I lay my tongue flat across her lips and stroke up towards her clit.

"Mmmm� Oh that feels really good." Beth is moaning again with every breath. With one hand I rub her on her pubic hair, and up her belly, then under her dress until I reach her breast. To my amazement and delight, she doesn't wear a bra with this dress and I have in my hand her naked, erect nipple. Her breast is hardly bigger than a handful, a B-cup if I had to guess.

As I roll her nipple between thumb and finger, she starts jerking her body, throwing her back against the couch, then forward, legs up, then down. My other hand has now hooked a finger in between her lips, and it is soaking wet. I've been almost constantly licking and chewing her lit, and as you all know she is in an elongated state of climax.

I can tell that this wave of climax is near finished, so I start to let her down gently. My hand on her breast moves to her back, so that I'm holder her around her waist, I start licking slowly and broadly her lips and thighs, and my other hand is holder her behind her knee.

"Beth, I told you that we could make your skin look a little redder!" Her face is totally flush, and her crotch is bright red and swollen.

"Wow", is all she can muster.

Holding her tight, I move my head out of her lap, then let go, leaning up and in towards her face. She's looking into my eyes and watching me come close. Then I grab her by the back of her head, and kiss her right on her lips. She is clearly caught off guard, kissing like this is much more intimate than being orally satisfied.

She almost resists until I show her how to do it -- aha! The difference now isn't that she doesn't want it, but that up until now she has simply done as she was told, and is completely inexperienced. I kiss her top lip, her bottom lip. I lick her top lip, then kiss it again. I see her, in between kisses, licking her own lips, realizing that this is what her pussy tastes like.

I pull her chin down and her mouth open and thrust my tongue onto hers, licking her tongue, pushing and teasing it. Then a couple of gentle kisses again, and I pull back to stand upright.

If she knew to look for a boner, I'd almost be poking her in the face with it. I mean, I'm still fully clothed but holy hell this raging hard-on�

"It's time to get to the banquet if you want to make it in time." I look her in the eyes, turning off the bright, hot lights, and taking in her sweet sight.

She lazily, almost drunkenly stands up, her dress half unzipped and not even on straight anymore. Her hair is a mess, she's obviously been pulling her own hair too. She wiggles her dress and it straightens out, then she zips it fully up and fully down. Then I see her eyeing her panties I left next to the couch.

"Nuh-uh!" I exclaim. "These are mine." I hold them in my hands, and give them a big whif--just more of the same sweet smell I've come to know and love, then stuff them in my slack's back pocket.

Here we are, both of us dressed, we walk out the studio and to the banquet.

All of Beth's friends, and the teenagers I chaperone, are there. All of them all dolled up, wearing big smiles. Naturally the girls and the boys have found themselves on opposite sides of the room, looking and giggling at each other.

"Beth! You look so beautiful!" they all exclaim.

One of them, holding her hands, asks her, "There's something about you, you look different." Beth doesn't answer. "You're glowing!"

I leaned into Beth's ear and whisper, "Told you!" Then walk away, to let her be with her friends.

The next two hours are the longest two hours of my life. I still have her panties in my back pocket, and sat across the room from her; she sat with her back to me. Occasionally, she'll turn to see her friend, to chat with her, and I'll see her long, perfect legs, knowing at the end of them is my sweet, naked pussy.

To be continued...?

So there is this street not far from my house and sometimes I’ll drive by and see street walkers trying to pick up Johns. There are a few attractive ones, but mostly its meth addicts who are skinny as fuck and missing teeth. I’ve never, ever picked one of them up because I am afraid it’s either a cop or I’ll get a disease that I’d bring back to the wife – and I don’t need that drama.
Long story short, I picked my wife up from work and I was driving down that street (it is a busy street just for reference). I was stopped at a stoplight and this VERY attractive raven haired beauty wearing fuck me boots, long legs, tight body, red lip stick and pale white skin was standing there.
I joked to my wife, “damn check her out!” And the chick totally saw us looking at her. She winked and blew us a kiss, and she smiled like, “yeah, let’s do this.”
I looked at my wife and she was blushing! The light turned, I didn’t know what to do so I waved at the woman (like an idiot schoolboy with a crush)and drove off with my wife. She was silent, I was chuckling.
“Did you see that babe? Oh come on you’d hit that too! She was hot!”
“Probably a cop, but she was pretty,” my wife said, grabbing my hand and holding it as I drove off, still looking in the rear view mirror checking her out.
“You know, honestly if you wanted to fuck her I wouldn’t mind. We’ve talked about going to Vegas and having a threesome. I know it would only be sex, so I’m okay with that,” my wife told me.
By this time I was down the street out of view of that sexy hot prostitute.
“I’m going to turn the car around and we’ll bring her home,” I said barely believing the words coming out of my mouth.
“The fuck you’re bringing her into our house and our bed, we’ll get a room at the hotel over there,” she said pointing to a shitty looking motel.
I turned right, going around the corner and sped down the street, I went through different side streets and circled around to where the woman was standing. She was gone. Damn it.
“That sucks,” I murmured in frustration.
“Yeah, let’s go home,” my wife said, I couldn’t help but to notice how flush she was. When I got home, I stuck my hand down her pants and she was wet as fuck.
“You really wanted to fuck her too!” I laughed, I couldn’t get any other words out because my wife jumped my bones and we fucked right there, on the floor. She came quick.
My wife and I make it a point to drive down that street looking for the woman. The only thing is what if my wife was right? What if she was a cop? Would they arrest both of us for soliciting a prostitute? Would be both be labeled as sex offenders??
I’ve never gotten a prostitute before. The woman who we saw didn’t look used and abused, nor did she look like she was on drugs. If we see her, should we try it? If we ask her if she needs a ride and don’t bring up money can the police still arrest you for solicitation? What if the prostitute brings up price do we just tell her “we’re just looking for a friend and whatever happens, happens but friends always get “gifts.”
Not sure how to go about it at all – total noob. We just don’t want a criminal record for something we want to try out. We’ve never swung, and have been faithful so far, but we’ve always talked openly about a threesome with another woman. What is the safest way to go about this? Not only is my curiosity peaked beyond its max, so is my wife’s.
(no that isn’t a picture of the woman, it’s the closest thing I could find to what she looked like, she had a little bit shorter hair)

Looking for the sandi model set where she is stood on a train track in leather miniskirt, red top and boots. no luck so far. tnx in advance

I am 40 and looking for a very cute girl either in Southern California or willing to moss to Los Angeles right away and get this life going today instead of tomorrow. Marriage is an option if we decide we both want to go down that path. You should be ready to balance taking care of at least 2 kids with me as the perfect couple to the world and then when we are in our private world it opens up to almost any kink, perversion or taboo. I am looking to get in trouble or cause any for you. Age isn't an issue as long as your comfort level
with me being 40 is cool. You can go to school, shopping or just be the cutest wife on the block who would never be seen without her micro mini skirt or leather leggings as well as the sexiest and highest opened heels or very high leather knee high or thigh high boots.

The sooner you respond and we meet to have baby sex the sooner our lives will jump start and we can figure out how we want to get our kinks out and explore.

I have a preference for white girls with red hair and fair skin but am wiling to make exceptions for the right girl. Must love looking and feeling sexy. Again age is about maturity not a number but legal reasons state a number and so we need to work with that number, If you have run away from home but are old enough to make that decision legally and working the streets, stripping, or porn aren't your cup of tea then we adapt.

See you soon!

What's the difference between dog shit and niggers?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

What's the difference between a nigger and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
Niggers.

Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.

What do you call a nigger in a tree with a briefcase?
Branch manager.

How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.

Why do niggers cry during sex?
The Mace.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.

How do you get a nigger out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger?
Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.

Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

What do you get when you cross a nigger and a spic?
Someone too lazy to steal.

Why don't niggers take aspirin?
They refuse to pick the cotton out.

What do nigger kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.

What's a niggers idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."

Why do spics drive low-riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.

What do you get when you cross a jew and a gypsy?
A chain of empty retail stores.

Why don't nigger kids play in the sandbox?
Cats keep covering them up.

What do you call an apartment full of niggers?
A COON-dominium.

Why are there no nigger astronauts?
Their lips explode at 50,000 feet.

How do you babysit a niglet?
Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.

How do you get him down?
Teach him to say "Motherfucker."

How else do you babysit a niglet?
Put Velcro on the ceiling and tell him to jump.

How do you get him down?
Invite the spics over, blindfold them and tell them it's a pi�ata party.

Why do jews have big noses?
Air is free.

What is a nigger on a bike?
Thief.

What's long and black and smells like shit?
The welfare line.

What do you call 50 niggers at the bottom of the ocean?
Good start.

What is the worst 3 years of a niggers life?
First grade.

How was break dancing invented?
Niggers trying to steal hubcaps from moving cars.

Why do niggers keep chickens in their back yards?
To teach their kids how to walk.

How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a nigger?

What is a nigger?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
"I set WHO free?"

Why are chimps always frowning?
They know in a million years they are going to turn into niggers.

Why is interrogating a Mexican like a pool ball?
The harder you hit it the more English you get.

How many jews can you fit in a VolksWagon?
All of them if you put them in the ashtray.

A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
Who cares.

A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
The spic, because the nigger had to stop on the way down and spray paint "motherfucker" on the wall.

Why don't spics have barbeques?
The beans keep falling through the grill.

You hear about the new car made in Israel?
Not only can it stop on a dime, it will go back and pick it up.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head?
A quarter-pounder.

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.

How do you start a foot race in Ethiopia?
Roll a doughnut down the street.

How many niggers does it take to pave a driveway?
One if you spread him real thin.

How do you blindfold a chink?
Dental floss.

How do chinks name their kids?
They throw silverware down the stairs.

What's the difference between a nigger and a bag of shit?

The bag.

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day.

When does a Black man turn into a nigger?
As soon as he leaves the room.

What do you call a nigger with a Harvard education?
Nigger.

What do you call a nigger in a courtroom in a 3 piece suit?
The defendant.

There is a nigger and a spic in a car, who's driving?
The cop.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black.

How long does it take a nigger bitch to take a shit?
9 months.

Why don't nigger women wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies off the chicken.

Why does Alabama have niggers and California have earthquakes?
California got first pick.

Why do Mexican cars have those little steering wheels?
So they can drive handcuffed.

Why are niggers like sperm?
Only one in a million actually work.

What do you call Mike Tyson with no arms?
Niger nigger nigger.

How do you fit 100 Cubans in a shoe box?
Tell them its a raft.

Why do police dogs lick their ass?
To get the taste of nigger out of their mouth.

What can a pizza do that a nigger can't?
Feed a family of four.

Why did the nigger carry a piece of shit in his wallet?
I.D.

What is red green yellow orange purple and pink?
A nigger dressed for church.

Why do niggers have flat noses?
That's where god put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.

Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

What is the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
A white owl goes, "Who, who," a black owl goes, "Who dat? Who dat?"

Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

What is black, white, and rolls off the end of the pier?
A nigger and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing.

What do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla.

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Did you hear about the new Chap Stick for niggers?
It comes in a spray can.

What's the difference between niggers and pit-bulls?
It's still legal to own a pit-bull.

What do you say to a black man in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."

Why do niggers walk the way they do?
Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a coat hanger.

What happened when the Ethiopian fell in the crocodile pit?
He ate six crocs before they could pull him out.

Why do niggers call white people "honkies"?
That's the last sound they hear before the white people run them over.

How do you stop a nigger from going out?
Pour more gas on him.

Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia?
He kept waking up twice a week.

What do you do if you run over a nigger?
Reverse.

Why do decent white folks shop at nigger yard sales?
To get all their stuff back.

Who were the three most famous women in black history?
Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!

Hear about the new bumper sticker that says "Run, Jesse, Run"?
You put it on the front of your car.

What do Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles have in common?
They're both niggers.

How come Stevie Wonder & Ray Charles can't read?
They're both niggers.

Why do niggers wear wide-brimmed hats?
So pigeons can't shit on their lips.

Why did so many nigger soldiers get killed in Vietnam?
Every time someone yelled "Get down!" the niggers would jump up and start dancing.

What do you get when you cross a nigger with a Vietnamese?
Nothing. There are some things even a Vietnamese won't do.

What's black and tan and looks good on a nigger?
A Doberman Pinscher.

What's the fastest animal in the world?
The Ethiopian chicken.

Did you hear about Evel Knieval's new motorcycle stunt?
He's going to ride through Ethiopia with a sandwich tied to his back.

Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?
He tried to jump 50 niggers with a steam roller.

Why was golf invented?
So white people get a chance to dress like niggers.

What do you do if you see a nigger with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload.

Why did god create orgasms?
So niggers know when to stop.

Why did god give niggers rhythm?
Because he fucked up their hair, nose and lips.

Why are so many niggers moving to Detroit?
They heard there were no jobs there.

Why can't nigger women become nuns?
Because they can't get used to saying 'superior' after 'Mother'.

How do you fit 15 niggers in the back of a Cadillac?
Don't worry, they'll figure it out.

What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
You don't.

Whats blue and hangs in my front yard?
My nigger I can paint him whatever color I want.

Why do seagulls have wings?
To beat the niggers to the dump.

What's a crying shame?
When a bus full of niggers drives off a cliff and there were 3 empty seats.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his ass?
A dart.

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years?
Because one of them lost a quarter.

What does N.A.A.C.P stand for?
Niggers Are Always Causing Problems

How many spics does it take to have a bath?
Five, one to lie in the tub and four to spit on him.

What do a nigger and an apple have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

Why are niggers always buried 12 feet deep?
Deep down they're good people.

What's the difference between a porch monkey and a yard ape?
The length of the chain.

What's black, orange, and very pretty?
A nigger on fire.

What do you have if you've got a nigger up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement.

How was copper wire invented?
Two jews fighting over a penny.

How do you starve a nigger?
Hide his welfare check under his work boots.

How do you get 12 niggers in a Volkswagen?
Throw in a welfare check.

How do you get them out?
Throw in a job application.

Why are there trees in Harlem?
Public transportation.

How does a black woman fight crime?
She has an abortion.

What do you say when you see your T.V. floating around at night?
"Drop it nigger."

Here's a hot story for you pervs. I could care less if you think its true or not. I know what happened....

So there I was, I had to travel for work to a smaller city about 100 miles north.
I'm a good looking guy, confident and 35 years old. I don't ever seem to have much problem
getting attention from women, or getting laid.

Anyways there I was in this town, and i had finished my first installation and had a
couple of hours untill the next one. So, I drove around untill I parked in a small strip mall
type complex. I noticed a little corner grocery store at one end and a large wooded park right
beside it.

I decide to go get a Pepsi at the store, and to go for walk in the park. As I approached the
store I noticed a pretty damn hot young girl that I figured was around 16 years old. She was
wearing those super tight streachy jeans, ugg boots, and a puffy white jacket. She was blonde
with green eyes, and slim. She was damn fine I thought to myself. Her tight little body was no
more than 4'11" and maybe 90 lbs soaking wet.

As I approached where she was standing she turned to me and said "hey, hows it going? do you
think you could help me out to get some smokes?" I asked her how old she was, she said she
was 16, and I ended up saying ok.

She gave me some money and I told her to go wait by the path to park as I was going that way and
I didn't want the embarassment of the store clerk seeing her.

When I came out of the store with my pepsi and her smokes she was standing just off the path
and grinning ear to ear.

I gave her the smokes and told her to have a nice day when she asked"where ya going?" i told her
I was going to walk around the park as I was from out of town and need to kill some time.
She replied that she would love to show me around, and that there were all kinds of neat little
brooks and rock formations she could show me.

I said alright, and we walked down the pathway into the woods. "what could be the harm?" I
thought to myself, she was young, she was hot and at least I would have a little something
extra for my spank bank later that night!

So we walked down a twisted path for a few minutes when she excitedly exclaimed" hey? wanna see
a cool little waterfall? it has a whirlpool at the bottom!" I said sure and she immediatly grabbed
my hand and lead me down a barley visible path deeper into the woods.

So we get to this waterfall, and we sit down on a large rock admiring these little falls when
I said to her " So, we're quite aways from the path, do you always take strangers into the woods?"
She giggled and said "no, not often.... boy i'm hot" and she takes off ther jacket.

She was wearing a bright green t-shirt underneath and I remember thinking"yes you are hot" as I
tried my best not to stare at her bra-less b-cup tits. When she says "Hey? you perv!" I stammered
awkwardly and she laughed again "It's ok, I thnk your cute"

Boy at this point I didnt know if i was coming or going, but she immediatly jumped on me, kissed
me and start to rub against me.

My dick was so fucking hard in my pants by now, and she reached down and rubbed it through my
jeans. She seemed a little awkward at this point , but somehow turned on. Thats when she said to
me "You know, I could use some money for more smokes and stuff..." to which I was stunned and said
"uhh.,... o, ok?"

She says to me, "I'll tell you what, if you have $20 on you, then maybe, ummm, well.... maybe I
could give you a blow-job"

I went completely red, but without thinking I reached into my pocket and pulled out a 20. She smiled
and to my surprise sheepishly began to fumble with my jeans.

The next thing I knew this tiny, petite, gorgeous little blonde was pulling my cock out of my pants
and began to suck on it. Her tongue flicked across the head of my dick, and she began to stroke it.
"mmmmm" she said as she slowly started to put my cock in and out of her mouth "It's really big!"
I kind of laughed a little but said nothing, I wasnt often I hear that as my cock isn't huge, it's
about 7.5 inches.

So she starts to put my dick a bit deeper into my mouth and then starts to peel off her skinny jeans
and panties. Next thing I know shes furiously sucking my cock, stroking it with one hand and playing
with her pussy with the other.

"Holy fuck baby" I said, "you are so fucking sexy" She replied, " thank you" looking up at me and
stroking my cock, which looked huge in her petite little hand.

At that point she says "Do you want to fuck me?" I said "seriously?" and she says"yeah , your hot!
and you have a big cock, you can fuck me if you give me another 20"

I quickly reached down into my pants around my ankles and threw another 20 beside me.

Again she grinned , stood up and bent over, facing me and holding onto a tree. She had a beautiful
little pussy, completly bald. I moved towards her and started to stroke her pussy from behind with
one hand and grabbed her tit with my other. I said into her ear "wow, your really wet, you fucking
want it dont you"

She kissed me and said " shut up and fuck me, but wear this" and she handed me a condom, which I
promptly put on.

So I started to push my raging hard on into that beautiful little cunt.It was a bit awkward as she
was so small and I am fairly tall. Slowly I found the opening, and slowly entered her now dripping
wet cunt. Holy fuck this girl is tight I thought. She reached back and grabbed my thigh pulling
herself and her super tight pussy onto my cock.

She began to moan as I slowly slid in a bit, back out and then in a little farther.Finally I slid
my cock balls deep into her and she made the sexiest little gasp.

I started to speed up my thrusting, harder, and harder, and faster. My legs started to get sore so
I grabbed her hips and lifted her back end off the ground and over so she could stand on a rock
about a foot tall.

Soon she was moaning in delight" oh yeah, oh yeah" "fuck me" when she said "do you like fucking my
little pussy? you like fucking a 13 year old you fucking pedo perv?"

I stopped in my tracks , and she said "don't be a fucking wimp, you are already into it, i won't
tell a soul" again I stammered "but..but you" she looks at me and says" Do you really think your the
first old perv I have brought down here?"

I was utterly stunned, but I said to myself "fuck it" and I began to fuck her hard. I started to pound
her from behind, and I couldn't believe what I was doing. She was obvoiusly a pro, and reached back
to rub her clit while i fucked her.

I then lubed up my thumb with some spit and started playing with her asshole. I stuck my thumb in
slowly and she let out a low "oooooohhhh" I started moving my thumb in and out of her ass as I fucked
her. I was almost ready to explode when she began to shake. "OH, Oh Oh, I'm coming!"
Her whole body shook and her knees went weak for a moment. That when I said to her" I have 60 bucks
more, It's all yours if I can fuck you in the ass"

"ummm.. ok" she said, "but be gentle" So I got her to kneel down and lube up my cock with her mouth.
then I stood her up, bent her over again and positioned my cock at her asshole

I pushed a bit, then again and her ass began to relax. Next I knew it, I was railing this little
teen whore balls deep in the ass, I reached around and started to fingerand rub her pussy. "oh shit,
thats so fucking good! soo good" she panted

"I'm coming..i..i...i'm coming" she said" Fuck my young ass, fuck me!" she said and again she shook
almost to the point of a siezure

I started ramming her as deep as I could and suddenly i exploded probably the biggest, longest most
intense orgasm I have EVER had in my life.

I pulled out and threw the condom into some bushes, where I noticed a few more older, used condoms.

We both got dressed and began to walk back out to the main path. As we neared the path I gave her the
other 60 bucks, she kissed me and said "thank you... your fucking hot, I almost did it for free"

Then she walked down the path in the opposite direction as we had come in.

I walked back up the hill, stopped and got one more look of her, she stopped, turned and smiled. Then
she blew me a kiss and took off around a bend.

I drove to my other install, then drove home smiling the whole way.

I still jerk off sometimes thinking about that fucking hot little 13 year old whore, and how I never
knew untill I was fucking her that she was 13.