Help! Need opinions. I am a 30yo white chubby goth girl. I recently realized I am extremely attracted to older white/Hispanic fit men. I love going to the gym and ogling the guys there but I'm too shy to approach or hit on any of them. I feel like they'd never be attracted to me. What do you think? Am I overthinking it? Am I right?I'm not attracted to black dudes at all. Specifically just older men who are really fit and muscular. Lean or bulky.For context, I'm not like 300lbs or anything. Im just over 200, I have a pretty face, and ass and tits for days. But again I am chubby, got a belly, thick legs/arms/etc.Thoughts? Any advice for getting a muscle to destroy my holes and choke me out?
Cross posted because I'm desperate for opinions. 

When i was 18 i fucked my ex sister in law. To this day ive never told anyone so heres my almost incest confession....

she was 30 at the time and had been my sis in law since i was 6 she had always been a big sis to me. Im gonna leave some specific details out just in case for obvious reasons but ill try to be as detailed as i can. i hope you enjoy i still get off to the memories all these years later.

I was living with my brother and her at the time that he left her. it was out of the blue and they had kids together. I was angry at him over it and she told me i didnt need to go anywhere so i stayed there with her and the kids. Time was moving on we used to smoke weed and take mdma together as we always had done pre break up at the weekends. i dont know if one of her friends suggested i might be interested in her (i wasnt) but we had the chat and she pointed out nothing could ever happen with us. I laughed and told her she was my big sister not to be crazy , i was there to help with the kids which was true. no more was said about it but i guess that planted the seed.

I was a horny inexperienced teen , i think id fucked about 6 girls at that point. She started leaving her dirty panties on the bathroom floor she was never tidy so never thought anything of it but in hindsight couldve been deliberate i dont know. I do know i started sniffing them and jacking off . sometimes id put them on too or cum in them then throw them in the wash basket.

We had a family party for one of the kids and my bro was there. she had it in her head that this was when theyd get back together but i knew he was seeing someone . it was very late when everyone including him left. when she closed the door and locked it she just burst into tears. we were drinking and super high. i hugged her and started consoling her innocently , when she composed herself she said she'd needed a good hug for months i said you can have all the hugs you want tonight and rolled a joint. We took more mdma and sat on the couch with me hugging her somehow we ended up sitting on the floor with our backs to the couch me still with my left arm around her. This turned to us lying on the floor legs locked together if you can imagine .

My thigh was between her legs and we were kinda looking over each others shoulders. i started moving my leg up and down her pussy a little rubbing it with my thigh. i knew i was crossing a line but i was super high and could blame it on that. She didnt stop me! Now i was mega horny and picked it up a little . This went on for about 5 mins and i decided to take the chance . she was looking away from me so i said her name and reached to touch her cheek to turn her head towards me. she just grabbed me and we started making out. i was grabbing her amazing ass and rubbing her pussy with my leg. this went on for a few mins before she came to her senses and stopped. she said we cant do this, your like my little brother and got up and sat on the couch. I followed her up there , leaned forwards, kissed her again and put my hand down her top to squeeze her tit. she let me and then pushed me away . she said I need to be responsible here before this goes too far with a big smile on her face. she said im going to bed. the next morning i went into her room and asked if we were ok. i told her id move back to my folks place if she wanted . she looked up at me , stroked my arm and told me not to be silly. we didnt fuck that time but that was to follow a week or so later. this lead to us carrying on in secret for months. if theres interest here ill carry on . theres enough detail her already that she would 100% know this is about her.

I've always had this fantasy where I'm at a house party and it's like 90% guys there, I'm one of the only girls.

Well maybe I have a little too much to drink. The guys realise and start making fun of me for it. They're grabbing my face and telling me how stupid I am to be in this state around a group of men like them. I can't even form sentences or lift my arms as one of them pulls my top over my head. I haven't worn a bra, expecting it to be a casual night, so my tits bounce free as the men laugh at me. 

One of the men starts recording, and several of them start grabbing at my breasts, pinching and pulling on my nipples. Without realising it, a soft moan escapes my mouth. This drives the guys wild. "She's actually fucking enjoying it".

My short skirt and panties are quickly removed. I don't even know what's happening, I can just feel so many hands on me. I feel them shoving roughly into my pussy, pinching my clit and even probing around my asshole!

Suddenly I'm being lifted up, and placed back down on a man's lap. I feel an intense pain as he starts pushing his cock into my ass.

I'm more alert now, but it's too late to stop what's happening. Another man comes between my legs and enters my pussy. I feel like I'm going to tear open, I'm so full, but as oo as I open my mouth to say "Please, No!", a third cock is shoved into my mouth.

I don't know what sensations to focus on, my ass and pussy are being pounded harder than I thought possible, and my throat is filled by thrusting cock, blocking my airways. 

Maybe I pass out. Maybe I wake up and 6 more guys have lined up to have their way with me. And when they're done, they'll continue drinking, making me crawl from man to man drinking down his piss.

Because I did enjoy it. It's what I'm made for after all. 

Such a shame it's just a fantasy, haha 😳